Hick's Shackytown Amusement Park, Roadside Attraction...and Petting Zoo?

While Hick was showing those suckers prospective buyers his lesser-Gator over on Shackytown Boulevard, a commotion arose. The dogs had been milling around, always happy to greet new suckers prospective buyers. They have short attention spans. A quick sniff and a pat, then their minds wander, until all Not-Heaven breaks loose and invisible doggie thought-bubbles pop up over their heads in unison: SQUIRREL!

Hick revealed the story. I'm pretty sure he had planned to keep the prospective sale of the lesser-Gator secret from me. But the rest of the story was too good to keep to himself. So he had to explain the presence of visitors, in case I had heard something and looked out.

 

"We was looking at the Scout, and them dogs kept barking and looking under The Pony's Knife Shack. Jack started digging like crazy, and threw gravel all up on my new porch on the Railroad Car Shack!"

 

"Well, that's what he's meant to do. Hundreds of years of breeding his dachshund half to dig out badgers from their burrows--"

 

"Not OUR Jack! Copper Jack!"

 

"Oh. Well. I don't know what he is. I'm thinking he's part boxer, from his color and shape, and maybe some lab..."

 

"He was halfway under that shed. All them dogs was barking and going crazy. Then a great big groundhog ran out. He was as big as Jack! FATTER! And just as tall. They were all over him. Got him cornered over by the goat pen gate. He was trapped, and he was MAD! Them dogs was going after him, and he bit Jack really bad--"

 

"MY LITTLE JACK?"

 

"No. Copper Jack. His nose was bleeding all over the place. I guess he'll be all right. The groundhog ran back under the Knife Shack, and they started barking at it again."

 

"I hope it doesn't have rabies."

 

"Groundhogs don't carry rabies. That's raccoons."

 

"I think all mammals can get it. They didn't know about the chipmunk that bit me, but the County Health Center people advised me to come in for a tetanus shot at least."

 

"That groundhog wasn't foaming at the mouth or nothin'."

 

"I don't think you could call it extra-aggressive. Since it WAS trying to stay alive when cornered."

Monday morning, Hick was getting ready to leave on his short vacation trip.

"You need to keep Jack away from that groundhog, or he's gonna get hurt. I've run him off twice from the Knife Shack already."

"I can't babysit a dog. Who watched him last night? They bark all night over there. So I guess it's been the groundhog, not a thief."

Anyhoo... short of tying Jack up, and hoping he doesn't get tangled or chew through the rope, I don't know what can be done. Jack's gonna Jack. He's a ferocious little thing, who loves being bossy and provoking animals to make them go where he wants. That's his heeler half. Surely he's smart enough not to start something he can't finish.

Can't blame the groundhog. He's in the wrong place at the wrong time. He needs to leave quietly, in the middle of the night, and leave no forwarding address. And get himself down to the creek and use it for his highway to a new home, to throw the dogs off his trail. Jack's a pretty good sniffer.

 

We're gonna need a longer sign, and a possible ticket increase: Hick's Shackytown Amusement Park and Roadside Attraction AND Petting Zoo. Though in this case, it might be more like a PETTY ZOO. With disgruntled animals who take offense at being ogled, much less petted.