When Is a Cuban Not a Cuban?

This is not really a riddle. It's more of a statement. A complainy kind of statement, masquerading as a question. But you expected that, right?

We went to the casino on Sunday after Hick was done with his Storage Unit Store. We haven't been to the casino for FIVE WEEKS! We usually go every other week, but The Pony has been earning his keep, and we like to take him along.

Since we were there last, the little grille where we eat has been renovated. At least that's what the casino's Facebook page touts. Personally, it looks to me like they just gave it a different name, a different sign, and made the menus on the wall harder to read. Oh, and they TOOK OUT the cold case where Hick chooses his pie! It's on the menu, but not nearly as enticing as seeing it right there in a clear box.

I don't know what's going on with the removal of the cold case. It didn't save any room. The line and register are exactly the same size, in the same place. You couldn't grab your pie anyway. It was behind glass. The worker had to get it out for you. Hick always wanted a specific piece, and would have the gal maneuvering things like one of those plastic 16-space, 15-number puzzles that my mom used to carry in her purse. No more cold salads and sandwiches sitting there to choose from, either.

Anyhoo... there was a new item on the menu this time. A Cuban Sandwich. Of course I wanted to try it. I've seen them on TV! I have Cuban mustard in FRIG II. I was nearly salivating at the thought of the crispy grilled bread and the mustard and pickles.

I was sadly disappointed.

 

At first glance, you might think that was a delicious Cuban Sandwich. You'd think wrong.

I'm not a bread snob. I don't care if the bread is Cuban. I DO care if the bread is not crispy! My Cuban Sandwich was served between two slabs of TEXAS TOAST! I was given a TEXAN, not a CUBAN! As you might surmise, the Texas Toast was NOT crispy. It was moist. Soft. Nobody wants a sandwich made with a whole loaf of bread. That's what it's like to eat a sandwich made with Texas Toast.

I wasn't even sure what kind of meat would be on my Cuban Sandwich. But I WAS expecting the Cuban mustard, and dill pickles. NO! I had neither!

"But Val," you might say, "I can clearly see pickles on your Cuban."

I PUT THEM THERE! The Pony offered me the pickles off his cheeseburger.

"You probably won't want extra pickles on your Cuban, but I don't want them. I forgot to say leave them off. So you can have them if you want, or I'll put them here in my box."

I pulled the lid off my TEXAN Cuban, and saw NO PICKLES! Of course I took The Pony's. They were the round, crinkle-cut slices that the school served at lunch, in a big vat sitting on a condiment table on Hamburger or Pizza Fridays. Really sour. But they were good on my Cuban. That's because THERE WAS NO MUSTARD! Cuban or otherwise. There WAS a weird sauce that dripped out of the bottom. It was kind of whitish pink. I don't presume to know the ingredients. I'm thinking it was like the remoulade sauce The Pony gets with his shrimp, and mayo. It was pretty tasteless, really.

Oh, let's not forget the meat. It was a slice of ham, and a blob of the pulled pork served as the pulled-pork sandwich, also on the menu. The pork was a little too smoky for me, but it wasn't all that bad with the tang of the borrowed pickles. At least they got the cheese right. I THINK it was Swiss. But it might have been provolone, which The Pony had on his burger. I don't recall them offering him Swiss.

Yes, I was disappointed with my Cuban. It was all I could do to choke down the entire sandwich. At least they were stingy with the tater tots this time, so I didn't fill up on them.