Being Careful-er What I Wish For

The citizens and denizens of Backroads were released from Stay-At-Home-Down this week! AND Hick went away to tote The Pony back home from college. As you might imagine, Val's dreams had come true!

Off I went to Walmart on Wednesday, to fetch the items Hick did not. Can't fault him specifically, other than choosing his shopping day as the Sunday of the first weekend of the month, and the very day that Stay-At-Home-Down ended. Not that my sortie was any better. Oh, I got the items I needed. But the experience was a disappointment. It was almost as if T-Hoe had become the U.S.S. Minnow for my three-hour tour. Three-hour tour...

First cat out of the bag, I saw TREE WORK on the road into town. Huh. I made a quick left to avoid it, taking the route past Mick the Mechanic's shop, and the bowling alley (now open!). I made a mental note to avoid that section of road on the way home, after my 44 oz Diet Coke.

I stopped by the cemetery. I'd just put down the window for a short chat, when a small gray SUV came up behind me. Can you believe it? Of ALL the dear departeds they could visit, in the seven sections of that cemetery, plus the two mausoleums... they had to choose one right by where I was visiting! Sheesh! Some people missed the memo that IT'S ALL ABOUT ME!

I found a good parking spot at Walmart, second from the end. I snatched a cart off the sidewalk between the doors, since it had obviously been baking in the ultraviolet light, and was therefore disinfected. However... my decision to enter at the pharmacy end of the store was not so great after all. I had to wheel that cart about a half mile (perhaps I exaggerate a tad) to get past the 10+ cattle gates wired together to make a waiting corral for shoppers. None were waiting, but I still had to detour as if going through a line for the log flume at Silver Dollar City.

Once inside, I minded my Ps and Qs. I followed the directional markings on the floor, and backed down the aisles where I needed something close to the end. Oh, what a fool I was, obeying the floor-tile rules! So many wrong-way Corrigans! I'm sure it's the same people who always play chicken with me by going out the IN door, and in the OUT door.

I found the Pepcid that Hick did not. Of course all the EQUATE brand was gone, but there were still the brand-name bottles at twice the price. And in assorted flavors and sizes. I got one bottle, mint flavor, just in case there's a shortage when mine run out. I also found my Great Value Sugar Free Cherry Limeade powder drink mix that Hick said was unavailable. I got 4 canisters. Not that I'm hoarding...

The worst part of the ordeal was when I had to go slowly down the aisle next to the mayonnaise aisle, just to obey store traffic and reach my Kraft Mayonnaise. I was slow, to avoid the guy and gal going the WRONG way, looking at coffee or something. While going slow, a ridiculously self-important woman talking on her cell phone (show-off, with a working phone!) ran up behind me, and COUGHED! That gave me the heebie-jeebies, and I'm not even panicked about this VIRUS. No mask on her, of course.

The next worst part of the ordeal was after I got The Pony's requested Skittles, plus a bonus box of Whoppers (he loves them, but calls them Whompers), and was trying to exit that aisle. One of those bin-pushing store shoppers almost took the front end off my cart. I yanked it back like that dog-walker yanked his pet when Clark Griswold fell asleep behind the wheel of the Family Truckster in Vacation. During my yanking, I popped something in my right knee. I barely made it to the checkout. Where I found a penny, and the dude behind me tried to ram my ample rumpus with his cart.

Whew! I survived the shopping, and was off to fetch my magical elixir. But then I forgot about the tree-trimmers until I'd already taken the regular route. I noticed the road signs in time, and turned right to drive by the elementary school behind the bowling alley. Of course there was a crew digging up a ditch for about 3/4 mile. Sometimes I can't win for losing.

I finally made it home, $150 poorer. I don't know how I spent that much, filling only about 1/3 of the cart! When I go to Save A Lot and Country Mart during the week, it's only $30-$40 each place.

At least there were no squatters at the creach.