Friday, August 11, 2017

Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday #71 "The Grapes of Mirth"

Blog buddy Sioux is hosting Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday. I have 150 words to convince you to fake-buy my fake book. Do you know people who succeed at everything they touch? Have enough money to burn a wet mule? Fall rumpus-backwards into money every time they turn around? This week's fake book is the story of one such person. A multifaceted individual who laughs in the face of adversity, and is taking the jewelry world by storm. Fake-order your fake copy today! Even if you don't have any plans to read it yourself, you can pass it on to loved ones. Every re-gift begins with Val!



The Grapes of Mirth

Doc Jollyday is a triple threat. By night, he works as a standup comic. During the day, he practices medicine. And on the weekends, he designs jewelry. His newest shiny bauble is a necklace shaped like a bunch of grapes, showcasing the smiles of patients he has cured of assorted maladies. Laughter IS the best medicine, you know.

The other physicians are NOT happy with Doc Jollyday. Nor are his comedy store cohorts. Now the AMA is investigating him for allegedly using lips from shrunken heads, and comedians slotted ahead of Doc are playing Sarah McLachlan songs to subliminally sadden the audience before his set.

Will Doc Jollyday have the last laugh, or will his enemies turn his smiles upside down?
(121 words)

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Fake Reviews for Val’s Fake Book

The Good Feet Store..."We are willing to order a truckload of these fake books to sell on our counter, as long as Thevictorian can give us a good price. We're willing to let her get her foot in the door, and partner with us* as we offer her fake book for free with every $1000 $1100 pair of shoe inserts sold." *This deal does not in any way constitute an endorsement of Val Thevictorian's writing.

The Good Teeth Store..."Do not buy this fake book! We are currently involved in litigation with Doc Jollyday and Val Thevictorian concerning misuse of 'after' photos from our clients. Avoid this purchase, and help us take a bite out of alleged crime."

The Good Meat Store..."This fake book is to literature as Auction Meat is to filet mignon. A mystery as to what's inside, and likely to make one's gorge rise after sampling it."

The Good TWEET Store..."Thevictorian's fake book has 140 characters. None of them with any redeeming qualities." #StopThevictorianNow

The Good Weep Store..."Our time has come! Our shops are the perfect place to commiserate over the time you wasted fake-reading this fake book. And if you actually fake-paid for a copy, you need our services even more. Come in, order a cup of our wasabi tea and a ghost chili muffin, sit down on our splintery chairs, and have a good cry with one of our Ripped-Off By a Bad Fake Author support groups."

The Good Neat Store..."We have a place for everything, and everything in its place. That said, you won't find this fake book anywhere on our shelves. We're in the business of clearing OUT the trash, not bringing it in! Thevictorian's fake book is garbage. We imagine her biggest fans will turn out to be rats and silverfish."

The Good BLEEP Store..."Who the BLEEP told this BLEEP she was a BLEEPing author? This piece of BLEEP is the worst fake book we've seen in a long BLEEPing time! Make that ever. The most BLEEPed-up fake book we've ever BLEEPing seen. It's a steaming pile of BLEEP! Thevictorian can go BLEEP herself! She must be BLEEPed in the head to fake-write such bullBLEEP!"

11 comments:

  1. Val--I see a common thread in the names of your reviewers. (I'm going to the Good Feet Store tomorrow, to see what kind of small gift certificate I can buy for a certain someone.)

    Thanks for playing along. You and I went in different directions this time. I guess great minds did not think alike this week.

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    1. While you're buying that "small" gift certificate at The Good Feet Store, why don't you stop by The Offbeat Store and pick up a unicorn? Should be just as easy to find.

      I think it's a case of YOUR great mind actually thinking, and mine being on autopilot. I had the seed of an idea with the reviews early in the week, but then didn't start writing until Friday evening. Retired life is fraught with distractions, especially for a procrastinator.

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  2. This book is so bad The Dollar Store charges a dime for it.

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  3. Replies
    1. SOMEBODY's been browsing at The Good Bleep Store.

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  4. Replies
    1. Maybe they have something to do with my fake book not selling...

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  5. Doc Jollyday sounds kind of creepy to me! Of course, I could see them making a movie from this!! LOL

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    Replies
    1. It definitely wouldn't be a comedy!

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