Saturday, August 26, 2017

Val's Obsession May Be Hazardous to Her Health

No. We're not talking about the 44 oz Diet Coke (plus more added later!) that she swills each day. Thanks so much for all the advice of the well-meaning antiDietCokeites. I'm not necessarily talking about the ones here, so don't get your noses out of joint. One of my colleagues (make that two, they were in cahoots, one in each building where I toiled) used to rant on about how diet soda makes you fat. Yeah. Let's see YOUR study, because in one year after I retired, and started having a daily 44 oz Diet Coke (plus more added later!) I have lost 114 pounds. Put that in your pipe and smoke it. Oh, wait. Tobacco is bad for you.

Whew! My knees were growing tired up on that soapbox. Thanks for helping me down. No, we're not talking about Diet Coke being possibly dangerous to Val. We're talking about her obsession with finding pennies from heaven. Or the pennies finding her.

I had eight errand stops to make today. Plenty of opportunity to find a penny. I struck out at Save A Lot. But on my very second stop, Orb K, to cash in a scratch-off winner...


Yeah. No photo of Abe in his natural habitat, because that might have been dangerous. Or actually given me safety. Such a conundrum, these pennies. Would I stop in the middle of the interstate to pick one up? Don't be silly. Val doesn't drive on the interstate!

Anyhoo...my rightful parking space by the crooked sewer grate and the yellow-striped handicap walkway was open. I gathered my winner, and my phone for possible evidence pictures. Alas, no penny was waiting for me. Not on the grate. Not on the blacktop. Not by T-Hoe's back tire. No big deal. I still had six stops left! I went up the little sidewalk ramp and headed for the double doors of Orb K. WAIT A MINUTE! What's THAT?

The glare almost blinded me, people! It was a brand-spankin'-new 2017 penny. Which probably came out in 2016, but I haven't gotten a lot of them yet. Though later when I dug through my change cup for correct 44 oz Diet Coke cash, I found one. For a moment, I was afraid I'd tossed my penny from heaven into the common change cup! Nope. A quick check of my shirt pocket revealed my precious heaven-penny, safe from spending.

Anyhoo...back at the front doors of Orb K...I was ready to pull my phone out like Quick-Draw McGraw. The penny was laying right in front of the glass door on the left. Almost by the hinge side. I couldn't see inside, because the 9:30 a.m. sun was blaring, and it's darker inside. So I placed my fingertips on the glass as I bent over, lest somebody swing that door open and conk me on my noggin. Good thing! Once I had that penny in hand, I stepped over to the door on the right (the proper way to enter, you know, although not many people here in Backroads do) and pulled it open. A late-teen girl was holding a Polar Pop, looking at me with a mix of curiosity and disgust, in front of the other door. I guess I was keeping her from her Polar Pop, since she couldn't be bothered to step over to the other door and make her exit.

Anyhoo...I could have gotten a concussion, perhaps. And fallen over, and dislocated my shoulder. Or broken my hip. And while unconscious, somebody else would have gotten my rightful penny! The catastrophe was narrowly avoided.

Someone is looking out for me.
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Let the record show that is Penny #28. And I received four five-dollar bills from the Walmart cashier today, instead of a twenty, when I got cash back.

14 comments:

  1. Can't you hurt your eyes staring directly into a bright shiny penny?

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    1. Oh, no! I wasn't wearing my penny-glasses! It's a wonder I could drive around town and then back home. I'd try the eclipse glasses for penny protection, but they're like wearing one of those sleeping masks. Can't see a thing through them, except the sun.

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  2. That's a brand new penny. It cost nearly two cents to make.

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    1. Does that mean I can become a pennyillionaire in half the time?

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  3. It's a good thing late teen girl was busy rolling her eyes at you rather than texting, drinking, and walking or you could have been a goner.

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    1. Yeah. Because along with forgetting to wear my protective penny-glasses, I also forgot to wear my rated-for-door-glass helmet.

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  4. I'd be very surprised if you could even see a penny on the interstate, much less stop for one. I can just imagine that look on the girl's face. They have special look reserved for just such occasions, don't they? I've seen it myself when I stop to pick up a coin (rare) and I've seen it when they see homeless men picking up cigarette butts that still have a good half inch on them. There's a man around here who picks up as many as he can find, shreds them all into one roll-your-own paper and gets one decent smoke from it.

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    1. You might catch a flash of reflected light if the sun was just right, but I doubt you could tell if it was a penny.

      At least that guy is being resourceful in using his available resources. He seems like the kind of guy who could take banana peels found in the cushions of a La-Z-Boy, and use them to brew his own hooch...rather than asking for a spare dollar in a convenience store at 11:00 a.m.

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  5. Beware, if you are near RC Casino and you're walking around with a Polar Pop cup, you may be approached, detained and questioned for intent to sell your wares...and I am not talking diet soda. That's a signal on Broadway our news guy reported last week. And not that you won a jackpot.

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    1. WHAT? Polar Pop? Is NOTHING sacred any more? I'll make sure I'm not walking along Broadway with my cup.

      I used to work down on South Broadway, you know. NOT LIKE THAT! I was a working girl, but not THAT kind of working girl. It was hard enough to find room on the sidewalk to get to 7-Eleven during break time, what with people pushing lamps in grocery carts and whatnot.

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  6. Val--No one has commented on the 114 pounds?

    That's wonderful you lost 114 pounds. I think I've gained that much in the year since I DIDN'T retire. You know how it goes... The pounds float up into the sky, but what comes up must come down. They fall down onto some poor unsuspecting fool. Like me.

    Seriously, congratulations. The next time I see you, will I recognize you?

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    1. I wasn't fishing (mmm...FISH...from Captain D's) for VALidation. I have not been making a lot of effort over the summer, because I figured what better reward for losing 114 pounds than to stop losing for a while? At least it's not going in reverse.

      I'll get back on it as the weather cools off, and I can get a steady walking routine. Right now it is morning some days, and evenings some days. I like my routine.

      Sorry to drop some poundage on you! You will definitely recognize me. I'll probably have a bandage wrapped around my head, and pants being pulled down by too many pennies in the pockets.

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  7. No, Sioux did not get all that weight dropped on her! I got some, as well. I carry around 50lbs of extra weight. You wake up one day and suddenly your clothes no longer fit. I weigh 50 lbs more than I did full term pregnant with the twins! I would like to be at my pregnancy weight again.

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    1. Wow! That's like me not-killing two birds with 8.14286 stone! Heh, heh. Pardon my attempt at humor, using British slang and measurement.

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