Sunday, November 13, 2016

Please Keep Your Arms and Legs Clear of the Table

Today my sweet baboo did something really nice. He took me to the casino! There is no truth to the rumor that he suddenly acquired the skills necessary for blog-readin', and wanted to be shown in a good light during this time of the SUPERMOON. Nope. He just volunteered to take me. If I provided his gambling stake, of course.

There was a catch, however. Hick wanted to be home before 2:00, because he "had things to do." I agreed to arise at 5:20 a.m. (Hick's regular workweek alarm) so we could leave by 6:00 (it was actually 6:10, because I was waiting on Hick to get ready), even though I had only been to bed for a few hours. Oh, and we also had to stop by Hick's workplace so he could drop off his work clothes for the uniform service, since he's working in the other building Monday, and won't have a chance to do it like normal. That was not a big deal. It's on the way, and only took 20 minutes to get to our destination from the plant.

"We might be the only people there, gambling on a Sunday morning at 7:30!"

"Oh, I seriously doubt that."

Hick was right. There were plenty of old people like us (on a fast track to Not-Heaven, perhaps!) throwing away their money at such an hour. And the staff was collecting it! Pushing rolling bins around taking cash out of the slots. In fact, they blocked Hick's path to the soda fountain. But like a well-mannered dog can delay gratification and sit with a biscuit on his nose...Val was able to wait five minutes to get her FREE Diet Coke.

Hick went one way and I went another. He circled back every now and then, but the machines I like are in close proximity. I had a very good (if not very profitable) time. Hick turned up around 11:00, hinting that we should have lunch and leave. I told him Burger Brothers wasn't open until 11:30, so he hung around watching me play. I hit some decent jackpots near the end, and cashed out some good tickets, but they did not make up for all that I had squandered earlier. We didn't lose the homestead, though. Nor my shirt.

Here's lunch:


Let the record show that we were NOT dining in the dark pits of Not-Heaven. And that the power WAS ON. There's something about that hand-me-down phone camera that I got from Genius. It won't take a good picture inside. Anyhoo...there's my delicious burger, done medium, with only pickles. And my fries, of which I ate 1/3, and my FREE Diet Coke I carried in, not quite 44 oz. And Hick's onion rings.

I took the picture and looked at it. By the time I said, "Oh, no!" Hick had already snatched his onion rings like I might take one, and squirted ketchup on the container, and was getting ready to chow down. No way was I risking a couple of fingers to pull them back over for another picture. I took one anyway:


As you can see...in the span of a few seconds between the photos, Val's food has not moved, and Hick's grabby hand can be seen as he prepares to strap on the ol' feedbag. I shared my fries with him after his onion rings disappeared. Well, not so much shared as he reached over and started eating them like he was entitled. I didn't care, since I had set my burger out on it's wrapper, and used that box to hold the fries I was planning to eat, and some ketchup.

People are odd. Weirdos, you might say. When we went into the restaurant, there were two women ordering at the window. Hick and I went to a table and put down our sodas that we had carried in for FREE rather than pay $2.40 apiece for them. I stayed there, because if there's one thing Hick is capable of, it's ordering two burgers, fries, and onion rings. I had already given him cash for them, though I stopped short of pinning it to his shirt. I stood by the table with our sodas, stretching my legs, and sending a text to The Pony. The women got done ordering, and came to SIT AT THE TABLE RIGHT NEXT TO US!

That table was only an arm's length away! Why not just sit on our laps, you weird weirdos? Let the record show that Val was not raised in a culture where five generations live together under one roof, sleeping like puppies in a pile, moving around like ants to and from a picnic harvest, everybody comfortable with close quarters and family togetherness. Nope. Val is like...how you say...in the language of biology class...a creature who prefers uniform dispersion for her population, not clumped or random dispersion. Val needs her space. There were at least 18 tables available. We were the only two parties in the restaurant! I guess my magnet was too strong today. Must have something to do with the SUPERMOON.

I moved our sodas to another table. Can you believe Hick was confused when he came back from ordering? I swear. I was in the same row. Just a couple of tables down. And the only other people there were those two ladies. At least he found me.

Yeah. I had a great time and a great burger, and lost the money I won on my last casino trip with my favorite gambling aunt. But don't you worry about Val. Because just last night, she won $100 on a $5 scratch-off ticket. Even Steven is taking care of her.

Let the record show that Hick went out to mow the yard and drive the 4-wheeler when we got home, and was INSIDE THE HOUSE at 4:00, with an hour of daylight left, which to Val means that she could actually have stayed ANOTHER HOUR at the casino.

Just sayin'.


14 comments:

  1. So, does Hick call you his Sugar Mama?

    Just sayin'...

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    1. Hick calls me many things. But Sugar Mama has never been one of them.

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  2. He saved you money with that one more hour!

    I don't get close sitters when there is plenty of room. Iget really freaked out in the men's room when someone stands next to me and there are other facilities.

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    1. Mayhap he did...and mayhap he didn't, you glass-half-empty-and-leaking non-believer in Val's magic touch on one-armed bandits!

      I get really freaked out when someone stands next to me and pees, too. The worse part is, I have never been in a men's room.

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  3. Well it sounds like you had a profitable time. And those freaks are everywhere!

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    1. Profitable in entertainment only. At least I came home with my regular money, losing only the profit from the last trip. And Hick even had $75 left! He would have cashed out $95, except when he was sitting and watching me while waiting for lunch, he put his ticket in the machine I told him was a loser.

      Yeah, you gotta watch the close-eaters. And according to Joe H, also the close-pee-ers.

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  4. HeWho will hop on the mower if he can't find anything else to do. This prevents me from aski him to do anything actually useful. And he doesn't take me to the casino, although he will offer to take me to the big box stores from time to time......

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    Replies
    1. Does he take you there on the mower? To limit your purchases to little boxes?

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  5. When there are lots of places to sit why do people plop down so close to others? It happens in restaurants, movie theaters, even church.
    Glad to read you got lucky with a $100 scratcher.

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    1. I don't know if they are clueless, obnoxious, entitled, or just have sore knees!

      I will reinvest my windfall, or save it for treating a future casino companion, or give it to Hick to buy toys when he plays Santa for a local Parents As Teachers group, or a little of all. My gambling stake is healthy at this time, as is the Christmas fund. I can't complain. Well...I CAN complain. But not about that.

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  6. Are we ever going to hear about Hick's Sweet Swedish Saunter? I know you must have a blog post on that lurking in the background.

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    1. Of course! I have five pictures ready to go. The delay lies with the world traveler himself. He says he has stories to tell me, but his notes are in his little black book, which he took to work to write up his expense report. When the canary sings, I will broadcast his song.

      He's working late tonight, because he's the liaison with the fire department, and has to attend a meeting. Or else I'd go ask him now. I did mention it on the phone when he called at supper time, and he said he'll try to bring home his notes.

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  7. I would have been great if you'd won a bundle. But not losing your shirt is second best.

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    Replies
    1. Believe me, it's best for EVERYONE!

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