Friday, November 4, 2016

Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday #33 "Casino Roy Al"

Blog buddy Sioux is hosting Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday. I have 150 words to convince you to fake-buy my fake book. This week, join Val in a cat-and-mouse thriller on the isle of St. Martin. Not to be confused with St. Maarten. Or the Isle of Capri. Or with an actual thriller.

Go peel some fake bills off your fake gambling stake, and use them to fake-purchase Val's latest fake book. Sure, it's a gamble! What ISN'T these days?

Casino Roy Al, Ocean's Two:
A Big Butt for the Bigger Lady

Sal Thethicktorian loves the thrill of the chase. Whether it's chasing the elusive jackpot with her gambling addiction, or just chasing her favorite gambling aunt to run over Flo the Progressive Insurance gal first, Sal can't get enough.

When Aunt Mo invited Sal to join her on a casino trip to the island of St. Martin (a sandbar near the southern Missouri border of the Mississippi), Sal accepted. Once there, Sal soon saw that Aunt Mo meant business. She took the fastest Segway for herself, and if Sal wasn't careful, Aunt Mo was going to beat her to the loosest slot machine!

Will Sal and Aunt Mo get caught in a slow-speed chase after a Humpty Dumpty with a melon head riding a Rascal? Will Sal get road rage? Will Aunt Mo become a master sweaver to rival Sal's husband, Nick? Find out in Val Thevictorian's latest release. (148 words)


Fake Reviews for Val’s Fake Book

A Dog…"I tried and tried to get into this fake book, but it was totally disappointing, and left my head spinning. Thevictorian made me feel like I do after chasing my tail."

A Cat…"This fake book was all over the place, like a laser light on an apartment wall. And like chasing that laser light, I couldn't quite grasp the plot. I've hacked up hairballs that make more sense than Thevictorian's fake book.” 

New Minister in Town…"Reading this fake book reminded me of an incident that happened when I first came to look at my new church. A parishioner took a liking to me, and try as I might, I could not avoid her advances. She chased me all around the pulpit, and eventually caught me by the organ. I was mortified! Same as when I read this fake book, although there was nothing organic about it. I pray that Val Thevictorian sees the light, and gives up this ethereal dream of being a writer. And that her career as a fake writer of fake books never sees a revival.”

Mechanical Hare at the Greyhound Track…"Run as fast as you can away from this fake book! I am safer on a slow day than the publisher's investment in Thevictorian's fake thriller. The only thing scary here is the laugh of the almighty dollar as the author chases it as if running in reverse” 

Pocketbook on a Fishing Line in the Middle of a Dark Road…"If you put your money into this fake book, you'll be more disappointed than people who stop to pick me up, chase me into the bushes, and realize that I am the prank of local ne'er-do-wells. Thevictorian's talent is about as substantial as my contents."

Storm Chasers…"Fake-reading this fake book was like chasing an F5 tornado, and then finding that it turned out to be a light drizzle. Hopefully, someone can develop a radar detector to warn you about upcoming Thevictorian fake books. When you hear it, go to the basement! And don't come out until the fake book is out of fake print."

Burning Torch Mob..."We have seen an uptick in business since the release of Val Thevictorian's latest fake book. We've even had to order more pitchforks. Fake readers can't call us fast enough to chase Thevictorian out of town. We are also offering the 'riding on a rail' option at a minimal cost. Look us up on Yelp, and see that Thevictorian gets what she deserves."


  1. Val--A lady caught the preacher by the ORGAN?

    I guess now that you're retired, you don't have to make your blog G-rated anymore.

    1. At least I didn't put it in CAPITALS, now did I, Madam? Anyways...maybe that was just a test to see if anybody really reads all the words.

  2. I tried to fake order this on the internet and it fake broke my fake computer faster than a cup of dormitory coffee.

    1. So fake-sue me! Good luck getting a fake settlement! You can't get fake blood from a fake turnip, you know.

      You'd be better off spending your college fund on a new laptop, and then asking for a trip to the west coast for Christmas, when your dad is going to 40% retire.

    2. I'm a fake attorney & I'll handle Joeh's case!!

    3. If the judge shouts, "Order in the court!" does that mean we can call for a gas station chicken delivery?

  3. Maybe Humpty Dumpty will crack up, poach and burn.

    1. As long as he stays out from under Sal's wheels. Can't let Aunt Mo have an advantage!