Tuesday, October 7, 2014

I Think Some of Them Would Prefer the Boxes

The old school lunch, she ain't what she used to be, many long years ago.

I feel for our students. They do not enjoy a good cafeteria meal like they used to. I haven't had one in several years. Maybe longer. Time flies when you're having fun, you know. My personal reason for not having the school lunch stems from a bait-and-switch tactic upon which I look with disfavor.

Back in the day, a teacher lunch cost $1.75. I know, right? Highway robbery. Even though we all managed to gain weight on our $1.75 per day. You couldn't fatten a steer for that! Not that any beef would be found in our cafeteria. Teachers are funny bunch. We expect a white tablecloth, good silver, fine china, crystal, finger bowls, linen napkins, and a waiter with a towel over his arm, all for a reasonable price of one dollar. That's what we expect. But we make do.

Sometimes, one is willing to forgo certain inconveniences for the right perk. So if the menu advertised an entree I detested, such as fish shapes, which were referred to by their eaters as "breaded bread with a fishy aftertaste," yet promised one of my favorites for dessert, such as chocolate cake...I was right there allowing that $1.75 to be deducted from my lunch account. But as bad luck and Even Steven would have it, one such day I went through the lunch line, after waiting for all the kids to pass through, because Val is many things, but she is not a cutter, even though school protocol allows such a benefit to the faculty, and discovered that THERE WAS NO CHOCOLATE CAKE! Even though I had smelled it baking all morning. Clever, those cooks, to rig up some kind of chocolate cake batter candle to fool me. Not a single solitary soul in that cafeteria had chocolate cake. It was vanilla pudding, the kind that comes in a five-gallon can.

So...I washed my hands of the school lunch line, and vowed to never eat a school lunch again. Well. Unless it's the Thanksgiving turkey chunks and mashed potatoes and some kind of pumpkin dessert thingy. But I doubt we'll ever see that again, because now everything has changed. That's right. We're not here to talk about why Val holds a grudge against the school lunch ladies. We're here to talk about what The Pony observed today in the cafeteria.

First of all, let the record show that I have first lunch, and The Pony has third lunch. Many items can change in that span of time. But today, they didn't. We had vegetable soup and green beans (because obviously we need more vegetables than what's in the soup) and a wheat roll and fruit. My lunchtime companions sat down, one with a full tray, one with a bowl of soup, and the others like me with their broughten lunches which may be a Tupperware of pot roast and veggies, or might be a large bag of chocolate-covered peanuts and a Coke. You never know with that crowd.

Anyway, I noticed that the "roll" was not a roll at all, but two long wheat breadsticks, whereas yesterday's roll was also wheat, but was the size of a Grade A Large egg. Almost. But yesterday was Salisbury steak (heh, heh, STEAK, they call it) and that tiny roll and mashed potatoes and carrots that looked suspiciously like they had a verboten glaze on them. But getting back to today's meal, my left-hand luncher opened her pack of two crackers and said, "Wouldn't you know it! They're WHEAT!" And not like Wheat Thins, apparently, because she took a bite and said, "That tastes like cardboard."

In fact, that's the opinion of most kids. You'd think they're being served assorted colors and shapes of cardboard. It's so bad that they actually eat their apples and bananas now, instead of throwing them away. I asked The Pony, a lunch-bringer himself, if he knew that the crackers for the soup were wheat.

"Of course I do. You know, don't you, that I eat lunch with people who get a tray!"

"Yes. But I didn't know if you paid attention to what's on the tray."

"I did today, because one of the guys had an extra cracker, and he said, 'Here, want this?' So I smelled it, and it smelled like dog food, but it actually wasn't bad."

"Wait! It smelled like dog food, so you tasted it?"

"Uh huh. And it was okay."

Baby steps. Make them hungry enough, and kids will eat the food allotted to them. Val, on the other hand...not so much.

8 comments:

  1. My high school cronies still talk about the big fluffy rolls we were served with shepherd's pie. My granddaughter still talks about the pizza squares. Some things stay with you for decades, but dog food smelling crackers, No-No-No.

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  2. Does dog food smell bad? Just askin'. When they show some of the ingredients in that stuff on TV commercials I often think dogs eat better than I do.

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  3. When you have top smell it to know what it is, just pass.

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  4. I think it's The Pony that gets into the cat kibble and NOT your sweet, sweet Juno.

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  5. Funny story, Val. School lunches have changed a lot in the last year, according to my grandson. He eats the same thing every day. A chicken patty sandwich, but he gives the bun to someone at his table.
    Back in the day, my favorite lunch in high school was Mrs. Pope's Sloppy Joes, which she served once a week. I think they cost 35 cents, but were worth every penny.

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  6. Gosh, it's been so many years that I can't even remember school lunches but I know I skipped most of them in favor of a candy bar from the store up the street.

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  7. Linda,
    When I was a student, our school had the best rolls ever! Not light and fluffy, but yeasty and with a bottom kind of crusty from the buttered pan. You just knew those cooks made that dough and rolled out the rolls and let them rise. They were mainly served with chicken and noodles, with REAL slivers of chicken!

    *****
    Stephen,
    I think canned dog food smells bad. But then again, I am apparently one of the few people who find puppy breath to be stinky. I can't vouch for a wheat cracker that smells like dry dog food, though.

    *****
    joeh,
    I agree. It's like when somebody sniffs the milk to see if it's good, then tastes it. If there was a reason to be sniffing it, then it's done.

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    Sioux,
    I hope we can keep him away from the fresh eggs! If his hair becomes shiny and silky, I'll know what happened.

    *****
    Donna,
    My favorite childhood cafeteria meal was chili or soup day. Notice I said chili OR soup. We had a choice, and mine was always chili. Along with it came a triangle half-sandwich of ham salad, and a triangle half-sandwich of peanut butter and karo syrup. I always traded my pb&k with other kids for a ham salad.

    Funny thing, sometimes one of our vegetables was spinach. And the kids ATE IT! Not me, of course. But I liked to watch them take the little cruets of vinegar that sat on each table, and pour it over their wad of limp spinach before eating it.

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  8. Catalyst,
    OH! Our elementary and middle school had an old log-cabin-looking house down the block that people operated as a lunch alternative. We could get the BEST mustard-and-pickle hamburgers wrapped in waxed paper, with the bottom bun all gooey from the tasty grease. To wash it down, you needed a tiny little bottle of Coke that you sipped through a paper straw. Dessert was a Charms cherry or grape sucker. If you were lucky, you got one with the FREE SUCKER flat strip of paper stuck to it.

    Ahh...the good ol' days.

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