Green-Thumb Genius Picked a Half-Ripe Habanero

How many half-ripe Habaneros did Green-Thumb Genius pick? Just the one. So far. 

At 8:56 Wednesday morning, I got a picture from Genius.

 

"My first habanero started to ripen overnight!"

"Do you have a special plan for it?"

"Not really. Definitely want to try a bit on its own to get a feel for the heat level, then probably throw the rest of this one in with a meal while cooking."

"Have a glass of milk ready in case it's too hot! Don't pepper-spray yourself with its fumes!"

"If anything I'm worried they'll be too mild! Most people water-starve their plants around this time to get spicier fruit but I haven't done that. So I just hope they have any heat at all."

"The seeds will, I bet."

Later, when I wrote my weekly letter to Genius, I commended him for being a good farmer.

"Good to hear that you've been a good Pepper Parent, and didn't abuse your Habaneros by water-starving them. Of course, there's still that DISMEMBERING and EATING them thing to deal with..."

I'd already mailed that letter when I got an update from Genius while sitting at a stoplight on the way home.

"Decided to cheat and harvest that first one a little early."

 

"It got significantly more orange throughout the day. I did NOT have to worry about how spicy it would be...it's one of the hottest Habaneros I've ever had."

"Be careful not to spontaneously combust!"

No word yet on what meal Genius used his half-ripe Habanero in.

The Storage Unit 500

No, that's not a NASCAR event. Not a race at all. Unless you count Hick racing to the bank to deposit his money! Hick bought a whole passel of assorted re-sellables from a guy this week. He spent $500 on the lot. Here are SOME of the items he got.

 

First of all, the non-pictured stuff.

 

2 Guitars:

*Yamaha flat top which Hick doesn't remember the model. He thinks he can sell it for $150 minimum, but it could be worth up to $300, depending on the model.

 

*Electric guitar which Hick doesn't remember the brand or model. Hick already sold it to a dude for $600, and the dude says it plays fine. Hick said the only things he saw wrong was that the chrome had come off the pickup, and the pin that holds the strap was broken. Hick saw one online for $1700 new, and $1300 used. But he's happy with his $600 in hand.

Remote control boat with a fisherman in it, which Hick already sold for $30.

Remote control Interstate Battery truck, which Hick thinks he can sell for $50-$75.

So out of his $500 investment, Hick has already recouped $630. Better than a 50-cent profit!

 

That's PeeWee Herman! Hick has no idea what he's worth. The Lotus model Hick says he can sell for $25-$30. That case beside PeeWee holds a Honer Melodial Piano, made in Germany in the 1960s. Hick thinks it is worth anywhere from $25 to $100. I wish he had opened up the case. As Hick described it: "It's a piano that you blow with your mouth, and play the keys with your hands."

 

The 3 gumball machines are the only things in this photo that Hick bought with that stuff. He says they are worth $75-$100 each, with the wooden one on the right being worth the most. He said it was made around 1930-39. Of course they'll need to be cleaned up!

 

There's Bing Crosby! He sings a song, and runs on batteries. Hick doesn't know what he's worth. He didn't mention the price he'll put on those stock cars, either. But he said the John Deere Tractor bank is worth $10, and the tractor with a trailer is worth $50.

 

Here's another view of the John Deere Tractors, and a bunch of Big Mouth Billy Bass and his buddies, Bubba Catfish, Jaws, and Lucky Tom Turkey. They are all battery operated, and sing, I think. They were pretty popular about 20 years ago, at least around these parts, heh, heh! Hick says the fish are worth $10 each, and Tom Turkey $20. There's a Lionel Train Clock, $25-$30. I can't believe Hick didn't say anything about that Anheuser Busch Train Set! I think it says "O" Gauge on the box. Unless it's "D." I'm sure there's a collector who would be interested in that.

 

These are "Millennium" scale model cars. Hick says they are worth $30-$35 each. Starting from the top, they are:

'55 Chevy

'70 Chevelle

'35 Deusenberg SSJ

'69 Olds 4-4-2

'67 Mustang GT

'65 Shelby Cobra

'49 Mercury

I asked Hick if that Mercury was like a ZZ Top car, but he said no, it was like the Mercury in the Alan Jackson song "Mercury Blues."

Anyhoo... that concludes Hick's haul. He's already turned a profit, so he's sittin' pretty on this deal.

Good-Ex, Bad-Ex, FedEx (Part 2)

You don't think Even Steven would let me have a good experience with FedEx, and then shuffle off to Backroads to meddle in other people's lives, do you? No siree, Bob! Even Steven had to settle the score.

On Wednesday morning, I again got an email from FedEx saying my package was out for delivery. That would be The Pony's shoes. I figured they'd get here eventually, and did not alter my schedule. I headed for town around 2:30. I met Hick at the same place on the gravel hill where I'd met the GOOD FedEx driver. Hick said he was going to get in the pool for a while. Off I went for my scratchers and a couple items from Country Mart.

Just past the low-water bridge where we'd seen THREE FedEx drivers futzing around a couple weeks ago, I saw such a truck coming at me. I quickly called Hick to warn him.

"Hey, I just passed a FedEx truck. I'm sure it's bringing The Pony's shoes. So you might want to wait and keep the dogs on the porch until he leaves them."

"Okay. I'm just getting out of the truck. I'll watch."

At 2:57 I got an email from FedEx saying my package had been delivered. So that was a relief. I'd have The Pony's shoes to drop off when I stopped by his house on Thursday.

At 3:09 I got a text from Hick: "No package and no FedEx truck. Getting in pool."

At 3:14 I sent Hick a text. "Just got a message it was delivered. At 2:57."

Of course calling Hick did no good. He leaves his phone in the house when he gets in Poolio. And his phone suspiciously delays texts to my phone. So I didn't know if maybe he sent that text BEFORE the FedEx email that the package had been delivered. Maybe he DID have the package, and forgot to send another text, or it was just slow arriving.

 

Sitting on the parking lot of Country Mart, I tried to get Proof Of Delivery from that FedEx email. All I could find was the time, and that there had been no signature, because none was required. It did NOT list a location where the package was left. Usually it will say PORCH, or GARAGE, or DRIVEWAY. But this one said nothing. That was disturbingly suspicious...

Of course I was worried about The Pony's package being out there somewhere in the hands of strangers! FedEx is notorious for leaving Hick's medical packages at a house down by where I met the GOOD FedEx driver. Leaving those medical packages on their porch, for the lady who lives there to find and look up our number and call us to come get it. So I thought maybe SHE might have The Pony's package on her porch. OR I was going to tell Hick to get on the Facebook page of our association, and ask if anybody had a package addressed to us.

All manner of remedies for finding The Pony's package were fleeting through my brain as I drove home. We'd look all around the garage and carport and porch and driveway. The box would be too big for the dogs to drag into the yard. I'd have Hick check with that lady, and with the other residents out here. Then I'd have to call FedEx and have them track down that driver and ask WHERE he left The Pony's package.

As I came down the hill towards mailbox row, in a highly irritated mood, something caught my eye.

 

You don't think...

WHAT IN THE FLIPPIN' NOT-HEAVEN?????

That was The Pony's package, perched atop our row of rural mailboxes, on the blacktop county road. Sitting there like a rare unicorn placed on a pedestal, a virtual drive-thru lane for thieves!

How long do think The Pony's package had left for this world, before being absconded-with by ne'er-do-wells?

I'm guessing just about an hour, close to the amount of time that had passed since I saw that FedEx truck on my way to town. I was still within the Golden Hour.

That dirty low-life driver hadn't even tried to deliver that package! Hadn't even turned left on our gravel road right across from the mailboxes, to cover the one mile distance to our house! Had just set that box on top of the shelf over our mailbox. LIKE WE LIVE IN A MAILBOX!

 

LIVID is a mild description of my mood. I'd love to send these pictures to FedEx and request that justice be meted out to that driver. But they probably won't open an attachment with the pictures.

Yeah. My original opinion of FedEx has been restored.

Good-Ex, Bad-Ex, FedEx (Part 1)

Last week, I was expecting two pairs of shoes to be delivered. No. I don't have four feet. One pair was for Hick, and the other for The Pony. I had a 25% OFF code that was good until the end of June, so I had ordered them both a pair that they'd had before, and fit right. The Pony paid me for his shoes, but was taking advantage of the discount, so the shoes shipped to me. The only delivery option was FedEx. You might recall that I am not a big fan of FedEx, and will choose any other delivery method that's available.

 

As per the last order, The Pony's shoes would take a couple extra days, because they were New Balance, and shipped from California. Hick's were Skechers, which shipped sooner, but had some clause about the discount. Anyhoo... I was expecting two pairs of shoes, a couple days apart. Tuesday morning, I got an email from FedEx saying my package was out for delivery.

 

Tuesday, on my way to town in the late afternoon, I encountered a boxy FedEx truck trying to come up the gravel hill as I was going down. I had just passed the Badly Blacktopped By Hick and Buddy section, and was nearing the tiny bridge that floods fast and recedes fast. I pulled T-Hoe off to the right as far as I could. It's not like there's a shoulder. Just the edge of the gravel, then trees.

 

The FedEx truck came over the tiny bridge, then moved as far to his right as he could. I crept along and put down my window, motioning for him to do the same. He did. It was a young dude who looked disturbingly like that parade shooter guy, but without colored hair and facial tattoos.

 

"Are you going to 1313 Mockingbird Lane?" [Not my real address, but the Munsters from TV] 

"Yes."

"You have my package. It's a pair of shoes. I can take them now, and save you from getting barked at by the dogs."

"And I can avoid this road. I'm not crazy about going up there. What's your name?"

"Val Thevictorian."

"Okay. Let me check."

Young Dude walked out of sight into the back of his boxy truck. He was gone a minute. Then returned, holding a box, and sat down in the driver's seat. He extended that box out the window to me. Well. It was quite a stretch. I'd assumed his young legs could step down from the truck and his young arms could extend that package through T-Hoe's window. But it is what it is. Young Dude DID help me out by giving me the package so I didn't worry about it being delivered while I was in town.

I opened my door and leaned way out, grabbing my package. It was unbalanced and dusty, but I juggled it a bit and pulled it into T-Hoe's confines.

"Thank you!"

"If you wait a minute, I'll back out and get out of your way."

"No need. I can get through. I'll get out of YOUR way so you can back over that bridge."

Off I went. I couldn't see in my mirror, because the road over the tiny bridge curves up and to the right, then left. I assume Young Dude maneuvered that boxy FedEx truck back out, and went on his way, having saved about 10 minutes on his route.

That's one of the most pleasant FedEx experiences I've ever experienced. The delivery of The Pony's shoes two days later... not so much.

TO BE CONTINUED...

The Dogs Must Be Recruiting Cats to Stalk The Pony

Poor Pony! He can't catch a break. Oops! I'd better be careful saying that. It was around this time last year that The Pony broke his ankle while working...

 

Anyhoo... as if being bitten by dogs wasn't trying enough, now The Pony has a new foe.

 

 

"Got scratched by a cat through a door slot today. The spot on my middle finger side is the actual one. The rest is from putting pressure on it, and it just dripping."

"You might get Cat Scratch Fever from it, but at least no rabies! One of my students got it, but she recovered."

No, The Pony wasn't using all those rubber bands on his wrist as a tourniquet. He slides them off the mail bundles as he delivers. That's one thing I don't miss from when The Pony was living here! All the rubber bands that he forgot to take off his wrist before leaving work.

Even Steven Has Benefactors and Saboteurs Doing His Bidding.

Not only does Even Steven provide for Val. He also evens the score in the other direction. Sometimes at the same location! That ol' Even Steven loves to keep folks off-balance. Which I think qualifies as IRONY, with that name EVEN Steven!

Fresh from picking up a penny dropped right in front of me while waiting to buy scratchers at the Liquor Store on Friday... I proceeded across the parking lot, back to T-Hoe. Good thing I walk with my head down, hoping to spot a penny. 

What I spotted in front of T-Hoe was NOT a penny! I would have taken a photo right there, but the parking lot was teeming with Friday evening liquor and cigarette buyers, and I didn't want to be run over. I DID get a photo later at home, after showing my find to Hick:

 

 

He said it was a bolt that attaches a license plate to a car bumper. He just put on T-Hoe's new license sticker last week. I asked if he thought it was mine, but Hick did not.

"Well. No matter who it belongs to, I picked it up. Because to me, it looked like A FLAT TIRE WAITING TO HAPPEN!"

"Yeah. That would definitely do it."

So beware, people. You can't let your guard down. Even Steven is everywhere.

Roll On 18-CENTer, Roll On

TUESDAY, July 5, luck followed me into Country Mart. I had shuffled in to buy scratchers from the machines. The temperature was an even 100 degrees. On my way out, in the even hotter vestibule, the glint of coins caught my eye.

 

Not exactly cold hard cash, but at least hot burning coinage. Of course I stopped for them. Had to wait on two people as they plodded by and trod over them.

 

It was a heads-up 2013 NICKEL, and a face-down 1964 penny. I scooped them up, playing hot-potato, hoping I wouldn't brand my myself if they burned through the fabric of my shirt pocket.

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THURSDAY, July 7, I was gifted with more silver at the Sis-Town Casey's.

 

It's there! I promise! In that line of three tiles straight ahead, leading to the red package of beef jerky handing on the counter. It's in the bottom tile, in the dark color, about 1/3 of the way down.

 

It was a heads-up 1978 DIME! I lurrrrrvs me some silver!

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FRIDAY, July 8, I popped into the Liquor Store for scratchers. Big mistake! The cars I saw taking up most of the parking spaces actually had PEOPLE INSIDE WAITING IN LINE! I might have mentioned that this place is kind of shady, and I'll see a lot full of cars with nary a customer in the aisles. Anyhoo, while waiting 7th in line, I spied a penny at the counter!

 

You can imagine how antsy I was, worried that somebody else was going to beat me to that penny! But I couldn't just rush forward, elbowing people out of the way all willy-nilly, like George Costanza smelling smoke at a child's birthday party. I had to wait my turn in line.

 

Silly me. I should have known that a Friday evening would have actual liquor customers inside the Liquor Store. Good luck for me, the #6 customer said, "Forget it," and left the store. Then I was behind #5, a friendly little gal who chatted with the rest of us to pass the time. She also dug into her purse to have her actual CASH ready to pay, and DROPPED A PENNY!

 

#5 showed no desire to pick up her own penny! Nor did #2, whose boot it lay beside! I waited until I was next to pay, and picked up that gal's penny, which was a face-down 2021. When I got to the counter, I snatched the other penny, a heads-up 1976. No close-ups, because there were far too many people in that shop to ample-rumpus them. There might have been a mutiny!

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That's 5 COINS this week, for 18 CENTS towards Val's Future Pennyillionaire Fortune!

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2022 RUNNING TOTAL

Penny          # 60, 61, 62.
Dime            # 11.
Nickel          # 4.
Quarter       still at 5.

 

2021 FINAL TOTALS

Penny        124
Dime           14
Nickel           7
Quarter         6
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