Even Steven Gets Evan

A calamity of horrifying proportions occurred Friday evening on the sidewalk near the side porch. I had just returned home from a small shopping trip at 10Box. Nearing the prison, I had seen Hick in SilverRedO waiting to pull out from the side road by Mick the Mechanic's shop. Oh, what good fortune that was! Hick would be trapped into helping me carry groceries inside!

I was giddy with anticipation. Watching in my mirror to affirm this pleasant turn of events. Hick had said he would be home later, supposedly meeting a guy at his SUS2 (Storage Unit Store 2). Yet there he was, obviously headed home at the same time I was! With groceries to unload! Yes, I was sure it was Hick. He has so much junk mail strewn across SilverRedO's dashboard that I know it's not some other random red truck.

Anyhoo... Hick seemed to be lagging. He is not a slow driver, despite covering as much side-to-side distance as forward progress, due to his sweaving. I wondered if maybe he was hoping I hadn't seen him. I was walking to T-Hoe's rear in the garage when I heard Hick slam SilverRedO's door. I had to holler to him TWICE before he answered! Seems like he was trying to sneak in without me seeing him! He came through the people-door and back to T-Hoe's hatch.

"You go ahead and take those bags. I'm getting the one with the bananas. I don't want them smashed."

Hick scooped up six bags, with some frozen items, canned tuna, refried beans, slaw mix, cereal, and batteries. I took the bananas, and a bag left over from a previous trip to Country Mart. It contained a bottle of Evan Williams whiskey. They don't have Hick's preferred Wild Turkey 101 at Country Mart or 10Box, except in a smaller bottle. A big bottle of Evan Williams costs the same as a small one of Wild Turkey 101. When Hick makes a trip to Walmart, he can get himself a jug of Wild Turkey. I don't go in Walmart, so I try to get our money's worth at the store! Whiskey is whiskey, I say!

Anyhoo... I had my purse looped over my right arm, and the bananas, and the Evan Williams, while gripping my metal water bottle with my right hand. I used my left hand to close T-Hoe's hatch, then the garage door, then the people-door. Standing at the side porch petting Jack, while Scarlett was bounding around the kitchen door seeking the object of her adoration... tragedy struck!

My right arm felt suddenly lighter, and I heard a CRASH!!!

The bottom seam of the plastic bag holding Evan Williams had split completely. Evan was busted on the sidewalk, his life fluids spreading across the concrete, Hick's brick sidewalk that branches off to the carport, and seeping into the dirt!

"NOOOO!!! Evan Williams has broken his neck on the sidewalk! And the rest of his body, too! The bag split open!"

Hick came out to see about the commotion. 

"I don't want the dogs to get cut! It's mostly big pieces. I don't think they can get at the alcohol. It's all soaked into the ground now."

"I'll get a box and pick up the glass." Said my hero, Hick. Who was closely supervised in this task by his shadow, Scarlett.

I don't know what I was thinking. I always double-bag heavy items, or glass items. But Evan had been bagged by the checkout gal in Country Mart last week. Plus, I don't carry glass items on my arm, but squeeze them between my arm and my body while carrying them in. I've done this ever since a bag split, and I lost a jar of Alfredo Sauce, that I had to clean up from the garage floor. I must have (temporarily) lost my mind. There were only two bags I was responsible for!

I suppose Even Steven had to equalize my recent stroke of luck, winning the MOLottery weekly contest $300 drawing. My half of that (not cheating The Pony out of his share) would buy a lot of Wild Turkey 101. And even more Evan Williams.