Val, Hick, and The Pony…Starring in "Noon to 2:00"

I’m sure you remember how, in the movie 9 to 5, Lily Tomlin as Violet Newstead says to the human resources guy about Jane Fonda as new employee Judy Bernly, “We’re gonna need a special locker for the hat.” Well, that reminds me of a Hick story this week.

On Monday, Hick asked The Pony to help him move something out of his truck and into the BARn. Not so much asked, as commanded, while The Pony was out in his Ford Ranger driving Hick around to look for special Coke bottles for his collection. Of course that did not sit well with The Pony, who is not the kind to defy his parental units in the manner of Genius. With The Pony, it’s more of a heavy sigh, and an “Okay.” Like all the air has gone out of him. Like he’s a deflated innertube, floating down Sad Sack Creek. Which does not sit well with Hick, who expects all minions in his sphere of influence to joyfully proclaim their excitement at the prospect of helping him.

I saw the aftermath as they walked from the BARn field, where the Ford Ranger now resides, having been evicted from its sweet spot out by the garage, for the new carport to cover Hick’s current auto (my mom’s Chevy TrailBlazer) and his precious 1980 Olds Toronado under a cover, having been removed from the freight container because the plastic dome light started to grow mold. The Pony, walking behind, had a look on his face as if the impending apopadopalyspe Hick speaks of was on his heels. He is a gentle soul, upset by conflict. Hick is the sort, like Genius, who does not withhold his opinions.

Because he is a testy creature (heh, heh, I said testy), Hick stormed off with the comment that he didn’t need The Pony’s help right now. That it would be a while. After an hour, with two unanswered texts, I sent The Pony to see if Hick was ready yet. “Just in case he did it himself, and severed an artery or something.”

Hick DID do it himself. No severed artery. Just a bad case of pout-itis.

When he decided he wasn’t pouting anymore, and came back to the house, I asked Hick what it was he needed help with.

“A window that I bought at the auction.”

“A window so big that you needed help getting it out of the truck?”

“It’s a big window. It’s probably worth a hundred and fifty dollars. And I got it for three dollars!”

“What are you going to do with a window?”

“Nothing special. I build a lot of stuff. I’m sure I can use it in something.”

We’re gonna need a special shed for the window.