Saturday, July 1, 2017

Trip, Stumble, Pop

Hick went to the auction last night. He was a little late coming home. I heard him moving around upstairs at 10:45. Yes. I'm sure it was him. I looked up the stairs and saw the reflection of the bedroom light on the living room wall. You probably could have seen it where you live, too, because he put five of those twisty 20,000 watt light bulbs in the ceiling fan fixture over our bed. Anyhoo...I knew that Hick came home late, and that he turned off the TV, and went straight to bed.

Sometimes Hick comes to the steps and tells me about his bargains (surely you don't think Hick goes to the auction just to watch) and what he narrowly missed because somebody ran up the bid just because they knew he wanted it. I guess the auction world of Hick is kind of like those storage locker bidding shows. Last night, though, Hick did not come share any treasures with me.

(Though after the fact, he said he got a railroad watch for $5 to display in his Train Shack.)


This morning, I was woken by "AAGGHHHHH!" Yes. It was Hick. Not a ghost. It was Hick, sitting on his side of the bed, where he finds it necessary to put on his shoes every morning, jouncing me like a jolly good fellow in a blanket toss.

"What's wrong with you?"

"I hurt my leg last night. I was helping Bud carry out a table, and I hit the edge of the rug and tripped. I stumbled forward--"

"Did you fall? On your knees?"

"No. I caught myself, but I heard a POP. It was in my leg. The left one. Here. Where my butt meets my leg."

"I don't know what would pop there. Is there a knot? Maybe you tore a muscle."

"I think I really hurt myself this time. I didn't think I was going to make it to the car. On the way home, I was having waves of hot and cold go through me."

"You should probably go to the doctor. I don't know what they can do for that, though."

"I could go to Urgent Care, but they're just going to send me for tests. And nobody's going to do a test until at least Monday."

"They won't even give you anything for pain these days."

"I took a couple of those pills I take every day."

"Prescription? What do you take? You can't just double up on a prescription!"

"No. That other stuff. That I get at the pharmacy. Aleve. That's it."

"You can't take too much of that!"

"It's not working anyway. I can barely get around."

"Do you want my cane? The one I got from my mom? Or that one I used to use from my grandma, that wooden one? When I hurt my knee..."

"I have canes out in one of the sheds."

[A CANE SHACK IS ON THE HORIZON, I THINK]

"What are you doing today?"

"Well, I have this guy from work coming to cut up a tree that blew down. I told him he could have the wood. I guess I'll just sit on the tractor and lift it in his truck with the bucket."

"If you can get up on the tractor."

"I know. It about killed me to sit on the toilet."

"I'm pretty sure I know what would make you feel better. Sitting on a stool at the casino!"

"No! I couldn't sit on that!"

Let the record show that Hick spent the morning sitting on a chair on the deck, supervising the tree man's kids in Poolio. Then he took Neighbor Tommy to town. In between, I made him a bologna sandwich for lunch, and served it to him in his La-Z-Boy. With Loaded Baked Potato chips on the side, and a bottle of Diet Mountain Dew. I kind of felt sorry for him.

Hick doesn't need to know that the cheese on his sandwich was an individually wrapped slice of Marvella that expired in October 2016. Let the record show that the pack had not been opened, and it looked perfectly fine. And that Marvella is the Save A Lot brand of Velveeta.

I'm hoping Hick starts feeling better in a couple of days. HE HAS THE WHOLE WEEK OFF!

26 comments:

  1. I believe those butt leg at the butt injuries usually last about one week.

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    1. Thank you, Dr. Cranky. You may now bill our two insurances. Please fax over a note showing Hick's date to return to work.

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  2. Sorry to hear about Hick's injury. But now you have a chance to land that Clara Barton nursing award.

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    1. If only Hick will nominate me! I should have maybe re-thought the expired cheese...

      Anyhoo...I have a better chance of him nominating me for that one than for the Carrie Nation Temperance Award.

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  3. Oh, how wonderful. A whole week with Hick. Mine is at least working two days this week--Wednesday and Thursday.

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    1. I think Hick is planning to drop by your house one of those days for you to take a look at his...um...INJURY. Dr. Cranky is too far away, and the drive will irritate Hick's...um...INJURY.

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  4. Hick's feeling pain where his butt meets his leg; I suspect yours is an inch or two higher!!

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  5. I suspect Hick has popped a hamstring. I've done mine a few times in the past and the pain Hick describes sounds just like that. it's the sort of thing that heals on its own but takes quite a while. Like a badly sprained ankle, but way up just where the butt meets the thigh. Rest and care as much as possible.

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    1. He might have done that! He says it is a little better while walking, and has given up Grandma's cane. Hick is still swearing that sitting on it hurts a lot. So he floated around in Poolio for about an hour this afternoon.

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    2. River says "rest and care as much as possible"? I think that means Hick needs to take more than a week off. Perhaps two weeks will do it.

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    3. That may be what River meant, but let's be real...Val can only care SO MUCH. Like...about ONE week. Dr. Cranky knows best.

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    4. I was extra careful about putting too much strain on mine, but I managed to stay at work and it got better in about three weeks. I was working in a factory, so on my feet all day, I think keeping moving helped more than staying still.

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    5. P.S. for me, "rest" means just take things a bit slower, don't go climbing trees or running any hurdle races, no mountain climbing etc. Usual routine, but with care.

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    6. Hick said it felt better yesterday after walking around for a while. But this morning he said it felt worse after going to the BARn, so he came in to lay on the couch. Looks like I've got a LONG three weeks ahead of me. Oh, and Hick does, too!

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  6. At least he got a nice watch.

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    1. He DOES love that watch. He's been looking for one for a while now, but they were too much for his auction budget. Even though it's not old, it's something he wanted.

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  7. The expired imitation Velveeta should take his mind off of the leg connecting to the butt injury, seriously I hope he feels better soon.

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    1. Hick felt good enough last night to go to ANOTHER auction! I think he took his cane, though. And probably didn't help anyone move a table.

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  8. Sounds to me like you're trying to shush him with fake Velveeta. Could he have injured his hip, yanked a ham string, cracked his butt further, or hurt his tailbone? I feel sorry for the old boy. he must be hurtin' for certain if he doesn't want to gamble. Hope he heels soon.

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    1. If only that would work, I would repackage the fake Velveeta and market it as a Husband Shusher. It can't be TOO expired, though, or it might cause permanent shushing. Which may or may not be good for prospective sales.

      Hick said it felt like it was not in the joint, but in the muscle. I've been trying to entice him to the casino, because he finally got a player's card and remembered to use it and has $5 free play AND $10 food credit.

      I'm saving my final argument for the push right before I want to go: "You could drop me off and go look at your Goodwills, I guess..."

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  9. When I read the word Pop, I thought, oh, no. That can't be good. Sorry to hear about Hick's injury, and I hope he doesn't get sick from the cheese.

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    1. Even I was sorry to hear about Hick's injury! But I'm pretty sure that cheese is the least of his worries right now.

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  10. If he doesn't get sick from the fane, expired Velveeta (my mother used to call Velveeta "real cheese") and have to sit uncomfortable on the toilet for long periods of time, try giving him Ibuprofen AND Tylenol at the same time. Works as good as mild prescription pain meds. Got that tip from my dentist.

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    1. Hick WISHES he had to sit on the toilet for that reason, rather than sit on it waiting for some action...because he says the pain is excruciating when he sits on the toilet. Though he did not actually use the word EXCRUCIATING.

      I think the doctor might have told me about that when I had my thyroid surgery and my neck hurt, but seems like I had the good stuff for that. I'm sure Genius's doctor said to try that (except to alternate them every two hours) when he was at the ER two days in a row with an EXCRUCIATING headache after (he says) having a couch cushion pillow war in his dorm.

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