Friday, March 17, 2017

Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday #52 "Run That Way: The Biography of ArrowJones"

Blog buddy Sioux is hosting Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday. I have 150 words to convince you to fake-buy my fake book. Do you like a rags-to-riches story? One that details how simple people from humble beginnings make it big in the entertainment industry? Sure you do! So this week's fake book is for you! Better get your copy now, so as not to get crushed when the release date rolls around. Festival standing is not a picnic. BookMaster, BlurbHub, DialBlurbs, MetroBooks, and BooksNow all have Val's latest fake book available for order. Get it now, and flick your Bic lighter in appreciation if you'd like Val to write a sequel.


Run That Way: The Biography of ArrowJones

Steven Smith and Joe Jones are lifelong friends, though their lives aren't very long yet. Steven has a scheme to get girls. "Let's start a band, Joe! I'll be the lead singer." Joe is okay with that. As long as he gets to pick the name. He suggests ArrowJones. Steven says he'll think it over. In the meantime, he gets to writing some songs. Raggedy Ann Doll, Nuts, Making Out on an Escalator, Boy (Looks Like a Girl), Run That Way, Weepin', Joey's Got a Bow & Arrow, and Can't Stop Liking You.

Will the boys switch instruments, grow out their hair, and hit the big time? Read "Run That Way: The Biography of ArrowJones," to find out. Unless you're already familiar with their band, of course. Then read it for the sordid backstage tales. You won't be disappointed.
(139 words)

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Fake Reviews for Val’s Fake Book

Lucy and Ethel..."Thevictorian is not a biographer. Sometimes, it seems like she couldn't keep up. If she worked in a candy factory, she'd be fired in no time. She writes like she needs a shot of Vitameatavegamin."

Tina Turner..."This author never does anything nice and easy. I hope Thevictorian didn't leave a good job on the river, working for the man every night and day, to fake-write these fake books full time. We don't need another zero. "

Ike Turner..."Thevictorian will stop fake-writing if she knows what's good for her!" 

Simon and Garfunkel..."This fake book left us feelin' woozy. Slow down, Thevictorian, you move too fast! Val, we're down on our knees, begging you please to stop writing."

The Carpenters..."Rainy days and Mondays and the release of a new Thevictorian fake book always get us down. We've only just begun to wish it was yesterday once more, before this author started fake publishing. Please, Mr. Postman, Thevictorian is no superstar, so stop delivering her fake books."

Captain and Tenille..."Don't ever do that to us one more time, Thevictorian! We write the songs that make the whole world sing, and you fake-write the fake books that make the whole world wish they were in a coma. "

Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young..."Teach your children well not to read this fake book. If you can't read the one you love, don't, under any circumstances, read this one that's with you. We think the author was wasted on the way to fake-write this fake book."

Doobie Brothers..."What a fool believes is that takin' it to the streets minute by minute will persuade anybody to read this fake book. Listen to the music, Thevictorian! Your fake writing is like black water! It keeps you runnin' to the bathroom to try and purge yourself of its poison."

The Who..."Who are you, Thevictorian? We have never seen a more disgraceful treatment of a squeeze box! We won't get fooled again into buying one of your fake books!"

10 comments:

  1. Val--What a blurb. What reviews! I especially love the Tina and Ike Turner ones. ("We don't need another zero," was my favorite line.

    Thanks for playing along.

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    1. The story was hard this week. The reviews just flowed.

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  2. Will Arrow Jones play through nap time or is this just a pre-nap gig?

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    1. Those young 'uns gotta have their nap!

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  3. There must be 50 references to real life rock bands and songs, but I can't identify one, except[ that Arrow thing, I've heard of them but could not identify their music. Damn I'm old!

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    1. And you call yourself an amateur guitar learner!

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  4. I tried to find those fake booksellers on the net to order your fake book & couldn't find even one of them, thank heavens!!

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    1. Oh, I'll be happy to find the links for you so...WAIT A MINUTE! I think this is not a prospective purchase, and NOT a compliment!

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  5. You must keep these and get them published somewhere. They are side splitting funny!

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    1. Alas...if only I was a friend of a short little gal, face like a frying pan, big wall of hair, who worked at Pendant Publishing...I could have a fake book about fake books!!!

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