Tuesday, December 20, 2016

'Leven Levitating Paper Towel Rolls

Imagine my surprise when I entered the kitchen a couple weeks ago, and saw that Hick had replaced the paper towel roll. He uses a paper towel every morning to hold his two whole grain blueberry waffles that he eats on the drive to work. Every other time he takes the last paper towel, he leaves the cardboard roll. So if I forget to replace it, I turn from the sink with wet hands, and have to try opening a new package from the pantry. Most often, though, I just wipe them on my sweatpants with the hole in the left hip.

This time, I knew immediately that the paper towels had run out, and the roll had been replaced. It caught my eye.


A levitating paper towel roll will do that, you know...catch your eye. We have a metal paper towel holder with a flat metal apple on top. It unscrews so you can slide the roll of paper towels down, and put the apple back on. The Pony likes to take a shortcut and squeeze the paper towel roll a bit, and slip it over the apple with just a few gouges into the cardboard roll from the green metal leaves. That works, too.

What doesn't work is that specific holder with a giant roll of paper towels. I prefer Bounty Select-A-Size. They usually come in a two-pack, usually with a design. Sometimes, Walmart is fresh out of them. Sometimes, Walmart only has the giant rolls in Select-A-Size. I'd rather have a giant roll of small paper towels that a small roll of giant paper towels. The Pony and I know that with the giant rolls, you have to set them BESIDE the holder until enough of them have been used that the roll is normal size, and will fit within the radius of the bottom flat apple of the holder. That flat apple down there will not let the roll turn if it's too fat.

Hick, apparently, cannot figure this out. He jammed the giant roll onto the flat apple up top. Which means he most likely tried to put it on the roll correctly, saw that it was too thick, then took it off and jammed it right on top of the flat apple. Let the record show that this roll will not turn. And the whole holder will not turn on its base without falling over, unless you used two hands.

I took the roll off and put it on the cutting block beside the holder to await slimming. Let the record show that Hick did not prepare a pot roast and leave it for me. Nor did he bring in the cat kibble feeding pan from the porch. That is a batch of Chex Mix. Okay. Not so much a batch as the almost-empty pan, with some straggly Cheerios and broken pretzels awaiting Hick's snack time later in the evening.

Also, while I often feel like my kitchen is THAT DARK due to Hick's use of 20-watt light bulbs...this is just the way my phone camera works under roof.

'Leven Levitationg Paper Towel Rolls? Sure. Maybe I'm being overly optimistic. No doubt Hick will return to his old ways soon enough. I do, however, prefer this method to grabbing at few shreds of paper towel on a cardboard tube.

13 comments:

  1. This is way too complicated for me, but I do recognize the who gets the towel roll when the tube is empty dance.

    Why do I hear "F I V E Hicktown S H A C K S" when I read your titles?

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    1. You must have heard the whole song, even if it's only in your head. Maybe you play it on your guitar!

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  2. One of these days Hick is going to come up with a million dollar idea and I hope you're around to help him spend all that money.

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    1. From your mouth (or computer) to God's ears!!

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    2. The first place I'll go is to The Good Feet Store for some shoe inserts!

      Funny you should mention that million dollar idea. A long, long time ago, Hick said he'd like to make a "stand-up electric wheelchair" for the disabled people who have to sit and look up at others.

      I scoffed at that idea. "Sure. They'd fall right over and hurt themselves so bad they couldn't even sit in a wheelchair any more."

      That was before the Segway.

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  3. Val--You keep expecting men to do the reasonable, thoughtful thing without being nagged 23 times on each occasion. NOW you expect them to do it the correct way.

    What do you expect, a Christmas miracle?

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    1. Well, you know Val: the eternal optimist!

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  4. "I'm a man, I can change, if I have to, I guess" - Red Green. We can't fight genetics, you know. That said, since we have ten cats we buy paper towels by the case.

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    1. This makes me think of that Brad Paisley song, "I'm Still a Guy."

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RAyKvN8gVi4

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  5. Hick just wants you to know he's around.

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    1. Well, then...I would call it MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!

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  6. He tried. I wish HeWho could figure out how to replace the toilet paper.

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