The Crappie Creek Cloggers Caper
The town of Crappie Creek has a problem. Somebody has taken a dump in the display toilet at Patsy's Furniture Store! Clues point toward the Crappie Creek Cloggers, a gentleman's organization known for its members' distinctive hosiery.
"Something's fishy here!" declares Constable Craap, a transplanted Dutchman. "The perpetrator used a newspaper to obscure his face while doing the deed, but witnesses saw the socks! A police lineup commences at zero nine hundred hours to finger the culprit!"
Indeed, Crappie Creek Cloggers are noted for their striped socks and sluggish digestive tracts. It's common knowledge that outhouses at their fishing camp must be moved weekly, due to fillage and overspillage. Some local businesses have signs prohibiting restroom use by troupe members.
Will Constable Craap solve the case before it all hits the fan? Will the Crappie Creek Cloggers generate a word-of-mouth ad campaign for their fishing camp and traveling dance troupe?
Fake Reviews for Val’s Fake BookPaul Bunyan..."I haven't seen a logjam of this magnitude since I spent that winter in Wisconsin. This author's words don't flow like they oughta."
Sir Thomas Crapper..."A device has not yet been invented to handle the pile of words this author let fly. I daresay it's as if she had diarrhea of the fingers!"
Al Bundy..."Even a Ferguson, the King of Bowls, is no match for this woman's business! I'd sooner romance my neighbor Marcy than pick up this fake book. It's not even good enough to run over with my Dodge."
The Scottish..."We had nothing to do with this. We swear! We'd rather eat haggis without holding our nose than read this fake book."
Archie Bunker from his chair..."Hey, Edith! You's better get some air freshener. This fake books stinks like Meathead's been on the terlet again."
Cast of Riverdance..."MAKE IT STOP!!! The cover art alone is enough to upset our delicate constitutions. This author obviously did no research on the art of the dance."
Cast of Stomp..."We've got the perfect place to put this fake book! It was under our feet all along."
A Random School of Crappie..."What about US? We are being used as a plot device! Something fishy is going on here! This fake author is promoting large-scale fraud by baiting the American public with what SHE calls a BOOK. Don't let her reel you in! Save your fake money for more worthwhile fake purchases."
Pigs on a Farm in a Secluded Holler in Kentucky..."We come out smellin' like a rose compared to this fake author and her fake book. She's enough to make the school marm lose one of the three Rs."
Frightened Skunk..."I am perfume itself when my scent is wafted alongside a stack of these fake books."
Socks..."Feet have never smelled so sweet! Thevictorain's fake writing stinks to high heaven. Even Odor Eaters cannot quell the stench of this garbage."
New York City Sidewalks During a Sanitation Strike..."Whew! Did something die between the covers? This fake tome is not even fit for recycling. And the author is a stinker, too!"