Friday, December 30, 2016

Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday #41 "The Crappie Creek Cloggers Caper"

Blog buddy Sioux is hosting Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday. I have 150 words to convince you to fake-buy my fake book. Just wait until you get a whiff of this week's fake plot! This fake book is not for those with a delicate constitution. Are you the type who rips the Band-Aid right off? Do you jump into the freezing lake? Grab the bull by the horns, pull your own teeth, spit into the wind? If so, this is definitely the fake book for you! Go sell some plasma and use the proceeds to fake-purchase this week's fake book!


The Crappie Creek Cloggers Caper

The town of Crappie Creek has a problem. Somebody has taken a dump in the display toilet at Patsy's Furniture Store! Clues point toward the Crappie Creek Cloggers, a gentleman's organization known for its members' distinctive hosiery.

"Something's fishy here!" declares Constable Craap, a transplanted Dutchman. "The perpetrator used a newspaper to obscure his face while doing the deed, but witnesses saw the socks! A police lineup commences at zero nine hundred hours to finger the culprit!"

Indeed, Crappie Creek Cloggers are noted for their striped socks and sluggish digestive tracts. It's common knowledge that outhouses at their fishing camp must be moved weekly, due to fillage and overspillage. Some local businesses have signs prohibiting restroom use by troupe members.

Will Constable Craap solve the case before it all hits the fan? Will the Crappie Creek Cloggers generate a word-of-mouth ad campaign for their fishing camp and traveling dance troupe?
(150 words)

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Fake Reviews for Val’s Fake Book

Paul Bunyan..."I haven't seen a logjam of this magnitude since I spent that winter in Wisconsin. This author's words don't flow like they oughta."

Sir Thomas Crapper..."A device has not yet been invented to handle the pile of words this author let fly. I daresay it's as if she had diarrhea of the fingers!"

Al Bundy..."Even a Ferguson, the King of Bowls, is no match for this woman's business! I'd sooner romance my neighbor Marcy than pick up this fake book. It's not even good enough to run over with my Dodge."

The Scottish..."We had nothing to do with this. We swear! We'd rather eat haggis without holding our nose than read this fake book."

Archie Bunker from his chair..."Hey, Edith! You's better get some air freshener. This fake books stinks like Meathead's been on the terlet again."

Cast of Riverdance..."MAKE IT STOP!!! The cover art alone is enough to upset our delicate constitutions. This author obviously did no research on the art of the dance."

Cast of Stomp..."We've got the perfect place to put this fake book! It was under our feet all along."

A Random School of Crappie..."What about US? We are being used as a plot device! Something fishy is going on here! This fake author is promoting large-scale fraud by baiting the American public with what SHE calls a BOOK. Don't let her reel you in! Save your fake money for more worthwhile fake purchases."

Pigs on a Farm in a Secluded Holler in Kentucky..."We come out smellin' like a rose compared to this fake author and her fake book. She's enough to make the school marm lose one of the three Rs."

Frightened Skunk..."I am perfume itself when my scent is wafted alongside a stack of these fake books."

Socks..."Feet have never smelled so sweet! Thevictorain's fake writing stinks to high heaven. Even Odor Eaters cannot quell the stench of this garbage."

New York City Sidewalks During a Sanitation Strike..."Whew! Did something die between the covers? This fake tome is not even fit for recycling. And the author is a stinker, too!"

11 comments:

  1. Val--Certainly you went in a direction I hadn't even thought of. Logjams? Hilarious.

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    1. RotoRooter is thinking of moving their headquarters to Crappie Creek.

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  2. I miss Archie Bunker!! Over fillage, indeed! There are some things I don't share on my blog, as it is linked to my website. Like the time one of my campers went for a walk on the back road of the camp. Lest you think she was in the woods, the road is easily seen from the parking lot and the swimming pool. She was just taking a walk and minding her own business when she came upon a tent camper doing his business (of the number two variety) right there for all the world to see. We had to ask him to leave ...... after he picked up his doings.

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    1. Your weirdo magnet might possibly be stronger than mine!

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  3. I won't be stepping in plastic dog poop and I won't be reading this fake book.

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  4. I am not going to poo-poo any of the crappy comments, because you got Archie down perfectly!

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    1. I grudgingly included the "h" on "Edith," even though Archie never enunciated it.

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  5. This was hilarious!! I bet their fishing camp is a dump...I hope they find the culprit and their time isn't wasted.

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    1. Hee hee! A DUMP! How could I miss that one?

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