Friday, December 9, 2016

Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday #38 "The Art of Manfred Hickcock"

Blog buddy Sioux is hosting Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday. I have 150 words to convince you to fake-buy my fake book. It's time to cleanse our palate with a biography. A man who's a legend in his own mind. One who will be talked about for years to come, as long as his wife is around for years to talk. Grab yourself a Little Debbie and some pork rinds, and a cold brew or hot toddy, and settle into your La-Z-Boy to learn about this self-made woods man.

But WAIT! You have to fake-buy the fake book first! Check under the couch cushions, the floorboards of your car, and the pavement of convenience store parking lots. Sorry, that little metal coin flap of pay telephones is probably no longer an option. You can always set up a Go Fund Me account, though. So let's get crackin' so you can get to fake-buyin'!



The Art of Manfred Hickcock

Manny's name is synonymous with suspense. His talent for building themed sheds is lauded worldwide. Sweden, France, Germany, Wales, Brazil, North Carolina, New Jersey...Manny has left his mark. What shack will Manny build next? World citizens are on the edge of their seats.

Manny's most famous work, "The Chickens," resembles a chicken house, with chickens rigged on wires to swoop at your head during entry and exit. Next in line is "Sicko." This shed displays knives, and is located right beside an outdoor shower. A "REE-REE-REE" sound plays if you pass a sensor. Manny's current project is "Rear Pane." This hobby house has a window that won't stay closed, and a low-tech surveillance system. No matter where you are in (or near) Rear Pane, there are eyes on you.

Each fake book comes with two tickets for the South by Southeast Tour, Manny's traveling shack show. You won't be disappointed. (150 words)

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Fake Reviews for Val’s Fake Book

A Little Birdie..."I am famous for spreading the word, and let me tell YOU, this fake book is nothing you want to read. Fake or otherwise." 

Polly..."I don't want THIS cracker...writing any more fake books!"

The Raven…"Nevermore."

The Condor…"I spent THREE DAYS trying to read this fake book. It's a killer. And I don't mean that in a good way.”

Turducken..."This fake book is stuffed with superfluous giblets. Thevictorian needs to learn how to trim the fat."

Tweety…"I taut I taw a litewawy mattepeed. I DID'T! I DIDN'T!”

Love Birds…"We HATE this fake book!”

Steinbeck's Buzzard Pecking the Eyes Out of the Pony Gabilan..."Sorry, Gabilan. I only wish I could do this to Thevictorian, to save us from any more of her fake books."

Woodstock...<yawn>"/ \ \ / \ / \ \ ."

Four and Twenty Blackbirds…"This fake book is definitely not fit to set before a king! Thevictorian needs her nose snipped off. A round of bread and honey for anyone who can do it. Better stay out of the garden, Thevictorian!"

Kookaburra..."I sit in the old gum tree so I don't have to see this fake book OR this fake author."

Sheldon, Garfield's Friend…"I'm never coming out of this shell as long as Thevictorian is fake-writing fake books."

A Mockingbird…"Somebody kill me now! I just finished reading this fake book.”

Mockingjay..."Doo Dee Doo Dumb! I will always warn you when Thevictorian is coming out with another fake book."

Woodsy Owl…"Give a hoot, don't let Thevictorian convolute! There oughta be a law preventing this fake author from wasting our precious resources to distribute her garbage!”

14 comments:

  1. Someone needs to build a fake library shack to store this fake book where the Dewey Decimal system don't shine.

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    1. I think I know just the fake builder!

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  2. I'm sorry this one was so late. It barely made it before Friday was ushered out.

    I actually saw a bunch of birds doing some strange swooping today on my way to WORK, which made me think of my favorite Hitchcock film. As usual, you are full of puns. As always, I bow down to you.

    Thanks for playing along, Val.

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    1. Oh, I am full of...PUNS...all right! I did not see swooping birds, as I was most likely IN BED when you were on your way to work. No need to bow down. The book blurb keeps me off the streets.

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  3. Seriously, you need to send this to Writer's Digest so they can publish your hysterical comments. This is some funny stuff.

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    1. Such a flatterer! It's no secret that I rush through the fake book in order to get to the reviews, like a kid stashing brussels sprouts in his pocket to get to dessert.

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  4. After reading this fake book I felt like I was molting!

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    1. I think this is one of your best (though not flattering) reviews to date!

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  5. I fake bought a copy & there was fake bird doo all over it!!

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    1. YAY! A POSITIVE fake review! You're happy because you got something EXTRA!

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  6. Replies
    1. Good to know! Because my fake-book career is being thwarted by the reviewers.

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  7. Now you have me thinking about what kind of themed shed I would have. I think I would have a knitting shed with knitting needles all over it! LOL Great job with the blurb as usual!

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    1. Thanks! I know just the guy to build your knitting shed. You could call it the Yarn Barn.

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