Saturday, December 17, 2016

Drove Hard and Put Away Froze

This morning Hick and I left the homestead at 6:15 to head toward Oklahoma to bring back The Pony. Since his unfortunate sleep-driving accident, we don't want him succumbing to another case of white-line fever. The plan was to meet him after he drove 3.5 hours, and we drove 5.5 hours, upon which I would get in with The Pony to keep him company the rest of the way.

Only one problem...THE WEATHER!

Perhaps you are a denizen of Missouri, and experienced the surprise ice event Friday evening. If not, let the record show that people were caught unawares by freezing mist, and spent 4X the normal commute time to get home. Hick made it ahead of the polar vortex by the skin of his teeth. The same type of weather was in the forecast for late evening today. IF you can believe those dad-blasted meteorologists. Which I, myself, cannot. Uh uh. Hook them up to a polygraph, and I STILL won't believe them. They are delusional.

I questioned the trip, but Hick said we'd be fine. 5.5 hours going, 5.5 hours coming back with The Pony, and VOILA! Home by 5:00 p.m., with the dropping temps and bad stuff starting at 6:00. That was the local forecast for Backroads. I even checked the St. Louis news station website weather. Put in the futurecast. Looked up Oklahoma weather. All systems looked go-for-it. We would be ahead of the freezing temps and precipitation. 58 degrees for the high. Maybe a little of below-freezing action on the way home, around Genius's college town, in the early afternoon...but still back home ahead of the bad stuff.

Val plans. Meteorologists laugh.

We left the homestead at 6:15. Temps in the garage were 35 degrees. By the time we were filling A-Cad up with gas, it was 43. We were good to go.

BUT THEN...

The temperature dropped the whole way! And we were in fog. Mist all over the windshield. As we rolled past Springfield, we hit 31 degees!

"This is a really bad idea! We are in for trouble. Now it's going to freeze like last night. And what about The Pony? He's never driven on this stuff."

"We'll be fine, Val. The mirrors aren't even iced up."

"Um. Mine has ice ALL OVER IT!"

"Well, what can we do now? The Pony is already on his way. He's not going to look at his phone while he's driving."

So...we kept going, and the temperature kept dropping, and The Pony reached the meeting place before us, him having driven in 35 degree weather with no precip. We told him to come closer, and met up sooner, saving us 15 minutes going and 15 minutes coming back.

The weather was terrible. Down to 23 degrees. Windshield wipers freezing solid. Hick beating them against the glass, tearing The Pony's driver's wiper right off the swiping rod. THREE TIMES! The Pony turned them on the first time, as we were backing out of a parking lot at a rest area, and it shot loose! Hick had taken off in a fit of pique because we weren't making the time he thought we should be, what with The Pony only driving 65 on that soon-to-be-frozen highway. We called him and he stopped, reluctantly, to re-attach it.

We stopped several times to clean off the wipers. A wreck by Genius's college town put a warning on one of those electric highway signs that 14-16 minute waits were occurring up ahead. I pleaded for staying overnight and not risking it. A suggestion pooh-pooh-ed by Hick. He was supposed to lead us to a shortcut on the outer road, but said no, he could see where we were getting off. When it was really the wreck detour he was seeing. THEN he called several times to tell The Pony to close the gap! Close the gap! Meaning to run right up on his bumper in those conditions, at 50 mph. Genius sent us a text that roads were icing in his town.

Of course we got stuck in the wreck traffic. Hick turned on his emergency flashers, even though WE were behind him. The Pony was not pleased.

"I don't know why he did that. It hurts my eyes. I've never had a seizure before, but those flashing lights make me feel like I might."

Once we finally made our turn off the interstate, it was full dark, and snowing, and 23 degrees. I told The Pony I would drive A-Cad over the two-lane blacktop, because I drove it for years when I used to teach in that area. With two hours still to go, ol' Val strapped herself behind the wheel. AFTER an argument with Hick that she couldn't stand up on that parking lot, due to ice. Which he denied. Then finally rubbed his foot over it and agreed, and helped Val into the driver's seat. He took command of the Rogue, The Pony hopped in with me, and off we went, through the dark, snow blowing.

I have never been so glad to get home in my life. At 7:30 p.m. A 13.5-hour tour.


12 comments:

  1. I cannot even imagine living in weather like that, let alone driving on it!!

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    1. Well, as a teacher, I relished days like that DURING THE WEEK! As a retired woman of leisure, I could do without it on the ONE DAY that I need to travel over 10 hours.

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  2. I love the winter, snow, ice and all, as long as I am at home. Also it is too long, aught to end after January 15, and jump right to spring.

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    1. Spoken like a non-teacher, who has never yearned for a snow day in deep, dark February.

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  3. Driving in wintry conditions is no fun. Glad you all made it home safe.

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    1. Thanks. We were dancing on nature's razor edge.

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  4. Val--I worried about you and yours... glad the three of you are home safe and sound. You don't have to worry just about YOUR driving, but also about the crazy people who also like to ride right on your bumper... in spite of taking it slow and easy, they're in a hurry to skid off the road.

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    1. It's usually the jacked-up Bigfeet trucks in a hurry to skid off the road. The other extreme is the clown car driver (present commenter company excepted, of course) who thinks the road is his personal property, and stays in the middle.

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  5. Our kids were stranded all over town. Took them hours to get home. Glad you made it with only ripped wipers.

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    1. Ice don't play!

      The wiper thing was kind of funny, since first Hick was whacking the snot out of the passenger side wiper, and told The Pony to do the same to the driver's side. The Pony had been picking the ice off with his thumb, but then pulled the wiper back and let it smack the windshield, just like Hick, only not as hard. The blade popped off and slid down in the crevasse between the windshield and the hood. Hick put it back, but then it flew off when turned on, so he reattached again.

      The next stop, Hick came up to the Rogue and grabbed that wiper and SMACKED it against the windshield just like before. The blade flew off again. The Pony just looked at me through the windshield, a slight smirk giving away his opinion.

      The third time we stopped for de-icing, Hick DID THE EXACT SAME THING, with THE EXACT SAME RESULT! I'm starting to think Puppy Jack has learned his hard-headed ways from Hick.

      My biggest fear was that cruising down the interstate, The Pony would turn on his wipers, and that blade would shoot off, never to be seen again. And THEN what would we do?

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  6. I have told SWMBO how I used to love to drive in the rain. She thinks I'm a bit whacko. No. More than a bit.

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    Replies
    1. A woman's gotta think what a woman's gotta think!

      I haven't forgotten about the post you inspired me to write (which I haven't written yet) about how we ladies sometimes wish to have a bit of time away from you. Not YOU, the individual. The collective GUY you.

      I'll get around to it when the time is right.

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