Monday, January 25, 2016

Justice, Blindfolded, With Her Hand Out

Got my jury duty check in the mail! WooHoo! Excuse me while I pause to rub my hands together in greed glee. Eat your hearts out, people! IF you can cook your cardiac meal with economical root vegetables for a tasty stew, over an inexpensive heat source.

Val Thevictorian's civic duty was worth a grand total of $29.04.

That's 17.18 days of 44 oz Diet Coke.
Or 14.52 bribes to The Pony to help with the weekly shopping.
Almost 1/5 of Hick's weekly cash allowance.
Or 2.23 terrible haircuts--WITH NO TIP!
Or 116.16 quarters to call 116.16 someones who care.
Or 5.81 of ME, according to my mom!

Let the record show that Val was paid $12 per day, plus $0.07 per mile. Jiminy Cricket! The county must think we drive racing sulkies pulled by mini ponies! Even the feds allow $0.575 per mile for business! Just ask the front of my lovely lady-mullet! And let me assure you, this jury duty was no party. Just in case the back of my lovely lady-mullet gets all mouthy. With the time I spent at the courthouse, this little salary worked out to about $3 per hour, and a loss of $3.55 on gas.

I got that check Friday, but I wanted to make sure I didn't owe it to my employer before I spent it all in one place. After consulting my fourth support staffer in two buildings, I found out that the windfall was mine, free and clear. Except for reporting it on next year's tax return, of course.

At the bank drive-thru, the clerk said, "Oh...so you want to...cash this?"

Yeah. But I wanted to say, "No. I want to use it as a down payment on the Hope Diamond."

Still, I was not docked any work pay or charged sick days, and even though I received five postcards to report for jury duty, with multiple days on each card...I only had to show up twice.

Apparently, justice is blind, and a pauper.

14 comments:

  1. I have been summoned to jury duty at the end of February.

    What a shame... A day off work. A day of (perhaps) nothing but reading. A day away from my normal routine.

    Yeah, I've soaked my pillow with my tears...

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    Replies
    1. Well, at least you'll be starting a retirement nest egg with that jury duty pay...seeing (unlike blind justice) as how you have no rocks to excavate and sell.

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  2. There was a time when work demanded that check, but apparently Ebeneezer Scrooge retired.

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    Replies
    1. Yeah, and he was probably mad that his commuting expenses had gone up from $0.06 per mile.

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  3. A down payment on the Hope Diamond would probably cost twice the amount of your check.

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    Replies
    1. Where were YOU when I was financing my new Acadia?

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  4. I LOVED your Hope Diamond line!!

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    Replies
    1. Looks like we can share that Hope Diamond if you chip in $29.04 for the down payment!

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  5. Replies
    1. Maybe blind justice was a Depression baby...and she's just thrifty.

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  6. Just like that lottery prize. Taxes will take most of your winnings. The government giveth and then taketh away.

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    Replies
    1. And it also provides roads for Hick to sweave on.

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  7. Wow, that mileage allowance .... I have no words.

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    Replies
    1. The court oughta send a bus to pick us all up. And let me tell you, it will need a monitor!

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