You know how Hick takes a beatin' here most days? Well, today let's take a 180-degree turn and give him credit. What's he getting credit for? For giving VAL credit. All the time.
Just this morning, as I sat in his La-Z-Boy because hey, he got up to take a shower and didn't call it...Hick gave me credit. He plopped down on the short couch to put on his socks and shoes, and let out a trio plus a duo of sneezes.
Let the record show that Hick doesn't sneeze like a mere mortal. He erupts like Vesuvius. At first you're just chillin', thinking everything is normal, that Hick's nose is dormant...then the top blows off. It's not enough for Hick to spout his virusy effluence straight ahead in an ever-expanding stream like spores from a puffball mushroom. Nope. Hick sprays his droplets through his lips. It sounds like he's motorboating a buxom willing participant in an energetic session of communicable debauchery. The dispensation of disease is aided by the plump lips of Hick, who could pass for Lisa Rinna or Donatella Versace on a set of lip flash cards.
"Great. Now I'm going to catch whatever you've got."
"I turned my head!"
"Yeah. But you breathed on me all night. Spraying it through the breather."
"YOU are the one who always brings it home to me from school!"
"Um, HELLO! I am NOT sick right now. YOU are. And I haven't been to school in three days. So how could I have brought it home to YOU? And anyway, you are always sick BEFORE me. So I don't see how I could be the one bringing it home to you."
"There you go."
Okay. So maybe Hick giving me credit really isn't anything to sing his praises for. I tried.
And here I was all waiting for some sugar thrown Hicks way.
ReplyDeleteYou might as well waste your time waiting for an under-towel brownie to be thrown your way. Sugar is bad for Hick. I'm only keeping him healthy by spewing my acidic wit...
DeleteWell, you DID try.
ReplyDeleteYes I did! Thank you for the acknowledgement.
DeleteVal--I missed you singing a song?
ReplyDeleteYet another bit of excitement I've missed out on...
Such a clever rendition has not been heard since my performance of "I'm a Little Teapot" during my pre-formative years.
DeleteFor something that rare you need to take it any which way you can.
ReplyDeleteIt almost rivals that time Hick told me I was like an elephant, and then swore it was a compliment.
DeleteMaybe you could just put it on his "credit" card.
ReplyDeleteI see what you did there! Hick's credit card is racking up charges his butt can't pay. They're in a ledger, right next to those checks his mouth keeps writing that so far have been uncashable.
DeleteI have taught many a child to raise his arm (not hand) and aahhchoo into the crook of his/her elbow. Do I need to come over there?
ReplyDeleteWell, we know you have been teaching the young, tender children. Because if you had been in the secondary trenches, teaching the older children, you would have said, "Don't make me come over there!"
DeleteI appreciate the offer, but it would be in vain. You might as well explain to Hick that it's not polite to pick your teeth with the torn-off edge of a paper plate. All for naught, I tell you. All for naught.
What can I say .... I know exactly what you are talking about.
ReplyDeleteOkay. I'll give YOU credit! You are living my life, even though it's in another place with another man.
Delete