Val Thevictorian's civic duty was worth a grand total of $29.04.
That's 17.18 days of 44 oz Diet Coke.
Or 14.52 bribes to The Pony to help with the weekly shopping.
Almost 1/5 of Hick's weekly cash allowance.
Or 2.23 terrible haircuts--WITH NO TIP!
Or 116.16 quarters to call 116.16 someones who care.
Or 5.81 of ME, according to my mom!
Let the record show that Val was paid $12 per day, plus $0.07 per mile. Jiminy Cricket! The county must think we drive racing sulkies pulled by mini ponies! Even the feds allow $0.575 per mile for business! Just ask the front of my lovely lady-mullet! And let me assure you, this jury duty was no party. Just in case the back of my lovely lady-mullet gets all mouthy. With the time I spent at the courthouse, this little salary worked out to about $3 per hour, and a loss of $3.55 on gas.
I got that check Friday, but I wanted to make sure I didn't owe it to my employer before I spent it all in one place. After consulting my fourth support staffer in two buildings, I found out that the windfall was mine, free and clear. Except for reporting it on next year's tax return, of course.
At the bank drive-thru, the clerk said, "Oh...so you want to...cash this?"
Yeah. But I wanted to say, "No. I want to use it as a down payment on the Hope Diamond."
Still, I was not docked any work pay or charged sick days, and even though I received five postcards to report for jury duty, with multiple days on each card...I only had to show up twice.
Apparently, justice is blind, and a pauper.