From the Absent-Minded Professor Files

The Pony is taking an online physics course through a major university. That's because our school does not offer an upper-level, AP physics course for him to earn college credit. Only my introductory course, taken by all freshmen.

As part of this course, he periodically performs lab experiments. The most recent one is about a combined system and conservation of momentum. He needed a toy car to shoot a Nerf dart at, so he could use the mass of both objects and the distance the car traveled to calculate the initial speed of the car, thus the speed of the dart. That may sound confusing, but The Pony and I know what I'm talking about.

Anyhoo...none of our vast collection of Hot Wheels or Matchbox cars had a back bumper large enough to stick a Nerf dart to. So I went in the Dollar Store and bought The Pony a toy car on my way home from the doctor. Like a Mini Cooper. The Pony already had a selection of Nerf guns to pick from. And he borrowed a palm scale from school to find the mass of his dart and car.

Friday evening, The Pony could not be bothered to carry in his equipment. You know how it is. FRIDAY! You have the whole weekend to get stuff done, right? Except The Pony has to do the shopping with me on Sundays, and he had a walkathon to attend from nine until midnight on Saturday night. So Saturday morning, he said he was going out to get his stuff and start experimenting. Just as soon as he made himself some cinnamon rolls out of a can.

Yeah! I know! The Pony learning to cook! He's really stepping it up in order to go away to college. I offered to make his cinnamon rolls, because I bought them for him, and I've forgotten the last two weekends. But then he said he'd do it, and I agreed. I was sitting at my Shiba in the front window, watching my sweet, sweet Juno roll on her back in the frosty front yard while gnawing a jointed deer leg. It was almost as if she had opposable thumbs, the way she handled that carrion! The Pony planned to make his rolls, then carry the pan in for me to look at and judge if they were done. Our oven cooks kind of hot, now that it has TWO working elements.

The operation went off without a hitch. Except for The Pony dropping the whole can while trying to knock it open on the beveled edge of the cutting block. I told him to use the angled edge of the countertop, but he decide on poking it with a spoon, like the directions said. We agreed on the doneness after 13 minutes rather than the 18 to 23 that the package advised. The Pony applied the icing and sat down for his feast.

Around 10:30, he announced that he was going to the garage to get his car and scale out of T-Hoe, so he could begin his experiment. Around 10:32, The Pony obscured my view of Juno at the front window. There he was, in his red plaid boxers and his red science fair t-shirt and his black-and-white Adidas slides, tapping on the window, shrugging his shoulders, saying, "Sorry."

The absentminded professor had locked himself out of the house.