Hey! I've been working on a project. Not so much a project as a method of frittering away the time I served in my classroom to make up some snow days. Here are the results:
Yep! That's Val-in-a-Recliner. First of all, let's show the elephant in the room the door. I got this idea from
Cathy C. Hall, and her Cathy-on-a-Stick. I'm not really stealing. I'm FLATTERING! Because, you see, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. And Val is nothing if not a flatterer. So, thank you, Cathy C. Hall, for not pressing charges.
The reason for the birth of Val-in-a-Recliner was a visit from blog buddy
Sioux. I knew we needed something special to commemorate our crime spree. And with no color printer hooked up thanks to Genius, I had only a black-and-white head shot to work with. That would not do. Nobody puts Val in a monochrome. And what better background for Val's head shot than a recliner? So...with scant hours remaining before Sioux's impending rendezvous, I printed black-and-white photos of a recliner and my own head. THEN I colorized them with colored pencils from my classroom cabinet, glued them together with glue sticks that were NOT LOCKED UP (that's for you, Mabel), and taped them to two bendy straws left over from our tower-building competition in May. Perhaps you don't grasp the full effect of Val's artistic ability in that photo. Here's a close-up:
Note the finer details in the shading of the threadbare recliner. And Val's ruddy cheeks! Yes. I truly outdid myself on this one. In fact, the consensus is that Val-in-a-Recliner looks more like Val than her state-issued driver's license photo. Here now! No comments on how my eyebrows look like the ones Elaine drew on
Uncle Leo with Magic Marker! And nary a word about how I look suspiciously like
that picture of George's boss, Mr. Kruger, who George tried to draw in after he got airbrushed out of the beach photo that had George in the background. That's what happens when you're gluin' it old-style. No Photoshop on Val's New Delly. Val is an improvisor, flying by the seat of her comfortable pants.
I would like to get on with a rebuttal (heh, heh, I said reBUTTal) of Sioux's version of the visit, but time and space do not allow that today. It's in the works.
Come back tomorrow!
Working hard making up those snow days!
ReplyDeleteYou have an identical twin who works the buffet cash register at Harrah's Casino. I'm telling you, she's no Victorian, though. Hey, I like that recliner! Sioux did not mention Juno or your mama. Is there more?
ReplyDeleteVal--I am still amazed by your artistic abilities. If I had colored myself, I would have ended up with freaky-looking skin, and my eyes would have looked like I was part white rat.
ReplyDeleteI cannot wait to read your fabricated version of our day, since I told the whole truth. (Weren't those watercress sandwiches delish?)
There's advantage number one of writing your own blog, You get to decide how and what you put up as an image of yourself. I really like what you did with your colored pencils from school. Tell Sioux, "Howdy!"
ReplyDeleteIt's a fine portrait. I couldn't have done better.
ReplyDeletejoeh,
ReplyDeleteOf course. I'm a professional, you know. I repay my debts to the educational system. Even if those debts were incurred by Mother Nature, that harsh taskmistress, writing checks my butt had to cash.
******
Linda,
Um...thanks for not outing my moonlighting job where I work for food. Mmm...buffet! Yes, there is more, though I don't know if I can fit it all in.
Sioux,
Methinks you give ol' Val too much credit in the imagination department. If I could write fiction, I might fabricate a fantastic tale. Alas, my story will be just the facts, Madam. I must have swallowed my watercress sandwiches whole while I was talking about myself. I can't seem to recall the flavor.
******
Leenie,
Let the record show that I purchased my colored pencils in my school cabinet with my own money, as I did every part of Val-in-a-Recliner. Except the paper and ink that printed her. And that is just a swap for the educational material that I print at home on my own dime. It's not like a school is an endless, overstocked craft store. Well. Maybe Sioux's is. I hear that they actually have DRY-ERASE MARKERS in the vault, and GIVE them to teachers!
Sioux will see your "Howdy!" Because I always sense her looking over my shoulder, lest she miss some miniscule part of the country life for which she longs, like walking barefoot through the chicken pen, or riding a goat.
*****
Stephen,
We all know you could have done better, but thank you for feeding my bloated ego! If only you could paint my driver's license portrait...
I suppose you can tell I am going backwards, reading your posts. My 3 families living here temporarily have moved on and my internet is back, functioning properly!! I can only hope that I screwed up the movies they were streaming every time I rebooted the modem! Truly, you are an artist!
ReplyDeleteKathy,
ReplyDeleteThank you. I am good at coloring with colored pencils. Maybe those families parked along my road and ran up my SPRINT bill a couple months ago. And to think...I blamed SPRINT for billing me for several hundred dollars in faux overages.