No Good Dictionary Should Go Unread

Here's a tale from Hick, heard as we chewed the fat amidst his master sweaving amongst six lanes of traffic on our way back from my doctor's appointment.

"My buddy said that back before the 7-Eleven went out of business, he used to buy gas there all the time. One day he saw a checkbook on top of the gas pump. He looked inside, and saw a stack of twenties. The lady's name and address were on her checks. He knew it was just up the road, so he took it and drove to her house and knocked on her door. 'I found this and thought you'd want it back,' he told her. She thanked him, and started counting the money there in the doorway, in front of him. He figured his good deed was done, so he started back to his car. When he got to the end of the sidewalk, the lady hollered, 'Wait a minute! There's a twenty missing!' Buddy turned and said, 'I didn't take your money.' He got in his car and left. He said who would be stupid enough to only take a twenty when there was over three hundred dollars there."

"Oh. So he counted it?"

"No. When the lady was counting, he heard her go past three hundred dollars as he was walking away. The lady called him later at home. She had asked who he was when he returned it. She looked him up. She said, 'I'm remembered that I spent that twenty. I'm sorry for accusing you of taking it.' And Buddy said, 'Screw off, lady!' and slammed the phone down."

"I don't know why he had to do that."

"Because she accused him of being a thief and taking her money, when all he had done was return it."

"I know. But she had already accused him. Then she called to say she was sorry."

"Yeah. But she didn't even apologize. That's the point."

"Um. She said she was sorry. Isn't that what an apology is?"

"Well, she accused him of taking it!"

"I know. But she already did that. All she COULD do was call him and say she was sorry. She didn't have to do that."

"But that wasn't enough."

"What else could she have done? She couldn't take back accusing him. She didn't have a time machine. That part was done. Going forward, all she could do was tell him she was sorry."

"He wanted an apology, I guess."

"I don't know what dictionary you guys use, but I'm pretty sure the definition of apology is saying that you're sorry."

"Well. He was offended and he was mad, because he did the right thing and got accused."

Somewhere, there's a moral to this story. Like...no good deed goes unaccused, and no apologizer goes unscrewed.