Mom Gets By With a Little Help From Val's Snagger

Oh, what a tangled web we weave, when giving life's rich tapestry a heave!

Sometimes, things do not go as planned. Sometimes, life is an interconnected Seinfeld episode. And most times, there are no coincidences.

I set off to take my mom to the doctor this morning to have a skin lesion removed from her cheek. Here now! Be civil. The cheek on her FACE, people! Stop being 13 years old, would you? I wanted to drive her in case she didn't feel well with fresh stitches in her face, right beside her left ear. Mom has had other skin cancers removed in years past, and said the only part that bothered her was hearing the doctor saw through her skin like leather.

Because I also wanted to talk to my own doctor, who happens to be Mom's doctor as well, I tried to call and see if they could work in an appointment with me around the same time as Mom's. I needed to talk about my recent medical test results from a specialist. I did not want a free consultation. My two insurance companies are perfectly capable of paying for an office visit. However, after staying on hold for ten minutes long distance because my cell phone carrier is crap and won't hold a connection for ten minutes, I gave up and slammed down the END button on my receiver. I barely had time to throw on my in-public clothes and round up The Pony to get out the door on time to pick up Mom.

On the way to town, my best ol' ex-teaching buddy Mabel texted to ask how my mom was doing. She knew I was taking her this morning for her lesion excision. I had my assistant, The Pony, read and send my messages. Val is a safe driver, not a sweaver. I said I was on the way to take Mom to the doctor, and that she was just a little nervous, but that I would walk her in to try and talk to the doctor while Mom was deadening. You know, from the local anesthesia. Mabel said she had been praying for everything to turn out right for Mom. Mabel is a world-class prayer, and the best ol' ex-teaching buddy and friend a Val could have.

We left The Pony at Mom's house to soak up some high-speed internet. Mom went to the window of the doctor's office and signed in. I waited, waving at the receptionist so she would open the window. "I need to talk to Doctor about some test results from a specialist he referred me to. Can you work me in around 11:00? I brought my mom in for her appointment at that time."

"Well...you can go in the room with her and talk to Doctor there." Oh, well. Their loss if they don't want to garner a payment from my insurances for our diagnostic tete-a-tete.

The wacky nurse called Mom back, and when I jumped up to follow, I thought she was going to take me out at the knees. "What are you doing here?'

"That's my mom. I brought her over, and I'd like to go in with her." It wasn't until after Mom had buttered up Wacky with some peppermints from her purse that I asked if I could speak to Doctor when he came in.

"Well, I guess so, because you're in here, and he'll be in here."

We didn't have to wait long. Doctor came in and told Mom what he planned to do. Then he said he had a minute to talk to me, that the specialist had called him personally about my refusal, and what did I need to know. Then he explained things much more clearly, specifically the things that would happen concerning my biggest fears about the procedure, and how doctors can work around that. Much of my concern was about coming off the blood-thinner for five days in order to do the procedure. Then Doctor turned to my mom.

"Are you still taking your blood-thinner?" Only he did not call it a blood-thinner, but by its name, which was something like Pterodactyl, which is similar to my Xarelto, but I don't care to take time and effort to look up its real name.

"Yeeesssss. Nobody told me to stop it. I always tell my dentist, and he says, 'Ah, there's no need to quit that!'"

"Yeah, Mom, but that's probably why your face is bruised for a month after you visit the dentist."

"I'm sorry. I can't do your procedure today. You're still on the Pterodactyl. If I did it, you would bleed to death here in my office. Slicing your face open is a little different from the dentist sticking your gums with a needle." Um. Perhaps he didn't need to be quite so dramatic. I think Mom got the point.

Let's review, shall we? Life's rich tapestry, a thread for Mom to have her lesion removed, a thread for Val to make an appointment to talk to her doctor alone, a thread for Mabel's prayers...

Such a different outcome it could have been, if Mom went in alone and Doctor did not have blood-thinners on his mind due to Val's badgering about her own health issue. Several threads intertwined in that tapestry this morning. What set those separate stories in motion to later link up like a Jerry/George/Kramer/Elaine plot?

Mabel, I'm going to call you The Snagger. The snagger of threads in life's rich tapestry. Well done.