Hear Ye! Hear Ye! Time marches on! Even in Backroads.
Imagine my surprise when I clicked on my hometown online newspaper Friday morning, and saw that Backroads is getting its first gay bar. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Okay, the first thing I thought was, "Why does this paper sell so many ads that it takes a coon's age to load a page? Why must this paper make it so hard for people who don't pay an arm and a leg for a print subscription to read their paper?" But I think that every day when I read the paper. For free. From the comfort of my laptop, without waiting all day and watching out the window for it to be deposited in a special box beside the mailbox, because nobody can mess with federal property used by the U.S Postal Service.
The next thing I did was read about school drug testing. And then about a dude who left his naked toddler wandering on the state lettered highway, then refused to pick him up from the police station because, "I have warrants." And then about a scam warning because of people calling and saying they're a relative in a foreign country and need money to get home. But right after that, I clicked on the new gay bar.
Seems like it opened last weekend, with a big shindig that included four drag queens from the city, and over a hundred customers who had a great time. It's not in Backroads proper, but near a lake development. The guy who runs it says he's going to add a restaurant on the side. He thinks there's enough clientele to keep him afloat, and he says that anybody is welcome, not just gays. I think with his location, he might pull in a bunch of the lake crowd. Think about it. They can drive their golf carts and four-wheelers across the road, and not have to go anywhere for a night out and risk a DWI. Not that driving a golf cart under the influence is good. But you know what I'm getting at. If that location is not exactly where I think it is, he may go under. Nobody wants to drive to the middle of nowhere to have a few brews. Apparently they're only having one drag queen this weekend, with a cover charge of five dollars. Seriously. You can't even go to the movies for that.
I told my mom about it on our bill-paying trip. Her paper doesn't get there until the afternoon. Sucks to pay an arm and a leg and have to wait for your paper. Anyhoo...I told her I didn't see people across the county beating a path to its door just for that kind of show. And do you know what she said?
"Oh. You don't think Hick would go to check it out?"
"Um. No."
"Just to see what it's like?"
"No. Let's remember his buddy will not even wear a purple shirt because purple is a girl's color. I don't see Hick going to a gay bar to watch a drag show."
Apparently my mom does not know Hick as well as she thinks she does. Now if it was a strip club that just opened, or a Hooters, he'd be there with bells on.
She must think they serve Jacques Bonet Extra Dry California Champagne from 1970.
Anyone who rides a Gator and buys meat at the auction...well, that is the type of person I imagine would avoid a gay bar like the plague.
ReplyDeleteBut it sounds like your mother would be interested in checking it out...
Be careful, you may be in store for an angry comment about this obvious anti-gay post and your homophobic husband.
ReplyDeleteI think your mom would like a Hick escort, just once, to check things out.
ReplyDeleteSioux,
ReplyDeleteSurprisingly, Hick had not heard of this new establishment. I chalk it up to him leaving work early for a doctor's appointment, thus having time only for searching out auto parts and Falstaff collectibles on eBay, rather than also reading the daily happenings in the Backroads online news.
He said he does NOT plan to check out the new business. My mom would most likely not attend, either, because first of all, it's a BAR.
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joeh,
Oh, silly Joe! We do not have the same commenters! You, apparently, area a much more polarizing figure, while I am a regular Casparita Milquetoast.
No controversial subjects here at the cat house. You'd never catch ME saying anything like "I'd tap that!" I have much more respect for women. That's what I'd say: "I would NEVER tap that! I have too much respect for women." Which would make the women feel ugly and untappable. So I pretty much stay off the woman-tapping subject and avoid the angries. Though some were not real happy with my feces transplant news.
http://unbaggingthecats.blogspot.com/2013/01/what-we-have-here-is-success-to.html
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Linda,
If it was a drag queen street party, perhaps. Mom always says how she LOVES to watch people. I don't think she would go into a bar. Even though she keeps a bottle of 1970s champagne in her basement, and drank half a Dixie cup of wine at her 80th birthday party. She said she didn't really want it, but my niece insisted. Uh huh. Funny how I didn't see my niece clamp Mom's nose shut, pour that wine in her mouth, and stroke her throat until she swallowed.
I've been to a few drag queen shows (with Mrs. Chatterbox of course) and they can be highly entertaining and uproariously funny. I'm sure you'll get half a dozen hysterical posts if you attend one of these shows.
ReplyDeleteStephen,
ReplyDeleteWhat makes you think I have not attended a drag show, Mr. Chatterbox? I DID go to college, you know! In fact, you have given me a most scathingly brilliant idea for a post. Look for it in the future, and know that you were the inspiration. Though the drag show may not be the focus of the story.