Scare 'Em Harem

Monday night, we had bad weather rolling through. Seems like it had been hyped by the TV meteorologists for over a week. Even though there was a less-than 10 percent chance we would get an actual tornado. The conditions were there! It could be coming! Tune in for continuous coverage.

I'm not knocking the forecasters for being there to inform people. It's just that they get viewers whipped into a frenzy. Of course people who have been through a tornado are anxious. They want to be prepared. The schools pick up on it. Lots of early dismissals that day, even though our main window for the storm to pass through was 5:00 to 7:00 p.m.

I had been listening to the TV when Hick got home. Sounded like the timing had changed to around 8:00 to 8:30. Around 8:00, the wind started howling a bit more. We both got a weather alert on our phones, saying a tornado was approaching the town we live five miles east of, and to take cover immediately. I went to the living room to watch the radar with Hick.

"It looks like it's going to slide through south of us, and north of The Pony. It's really a narrow band."

"Yeah. Pony sent me a text saying the sirens were going off, but it didn't look bad enough to go sit in the closet."

"It's definitely here now. But it doesn't seem as bad as some storms, when the chairs blow off the porch."

Just then, our satellite went down. No TV. Hick's phone rang.

"Yeah. Well. He's probably asleep. It will be okay. It's probably almost past by now. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Your harem?"

"Yeah. The sirens are going off. They'll all under the stairs. They couldn't get the one guy to come to the door. He probably already went to bed."

"Sounds like they're doing what they're supposed to do. I can't imagine what they thought YOU were going to do! Drive out in the storm to go check on him?"

"You never know."

Hick's Harem is quite attached to him. They seem to think he's Superman.

Lap House Intentions

It's been a month since we closed the purchase of Lap House. Since then, almost nothing has been done. Hick says he cleaned some stuff out of the basement, but I have a suspicion that the "stuff" was the tools he made a separate deal for with the previous owner.

Anyhoo... one evening Hick came from the shower to the kitchen, and said,

"I've got it! I know what I want to do with the house. This one has taken a while. Usually I can see a plan when I walk through it. Remember how it has that funny layout where you have to walk through a bedroom to get to the kitchen and the bathroom? I'm putting in a short hall, and moving the living room to where that bedroom is. So the two rooms on the front of the house will be bedrooms. You'll go down a short hall as you enter the front door. It leads to the living room and kitchen. The bathroom will be off the living room.

I want to get entrance to the basement from the inside of the house. I'll do that by extending the roof that's on the outside entrance to the basement now. Then I'll cut a door from inside the bathroom to get to those steps leading to the basement. There's no way to move the steps. They're concrete."

Here's the outside of Lap House. The front left is currently the living room, and the front right is a bedroom. The living room will turn into a bedroom, and the back bedroom will turn into the living room.

Here's the back, showing the basement entrance that Hick hopes to connect with a roof and a door into the bathroom.

Hick had his regular roofing buddy take a look at Lap House. A guy from his SUS2.5 said that he does roofing, and could give Hick an estimate. Hick was pretty sure Lap House needs a whole new roof, not just a patch job. It's a good selling point, too. Anyhoo... the SUS2.5 guy said he could do it for $8200. Regular Roofing Buddy said he will take $6300. I guess Hick knows his roofers! That's why we've been using the one guy all along.

Hick plans for the roof to be metal, and black. He hasn't decided on whether he will paint the red porch black, or the same color as the siding. Hick's HVAC guy also gave his estimate for heating and cooling, which Hick said was either $7600 or $6700. He can't remember (CAIN'T REMEMBER NOTHIN', heh, heh) because it was by a phone call, not a text.

I don't know when Hick will get all of this in motion. His harem is pretty needy lately, heh, heh. But at least he's taking my suggestion to get the roof and HVAC done now, while the weather is mild, so he can do inside work through the heat of summer and cold of winter.

Following the Trailer's Money Trail

A couple weeks ago, Hick "gave" his wrecked trailer to his boss from the senior apartments. That's what he said, anyway. That he was "giving" him the wrecked trailer, to get rid of it, because the guy needed an axle off of it. I took Hick for his word. Other people can trust him. Why shouldn't I?

The more I thought about it, I figured it was unlike Hick just to give something away without a trade of goods or services. Especially when there were several hundred dollars we had not recouped from the payback deal with the borrower who wrecked it.

"Are you sure you just gave away your wrecked trailer? Your boss didn't pay you ANYTHING?"

"Well. He give me $175 for it. But I paid $183 to have it hauled out here! OUT OF MY POCKET!"

I can believe both. Hick never asked me for money to pay for the tow. I figured it wasn't free, even if a buddy did it. I can also believe that Hick thought he would get away with not admitting his boss paid him for the wrecked trailer. If it was actually those amounts, why wouldn't Hick bother to tell me?

So, I'm not really fired up over this hoodwinking, if Hick wasn't actually making a profit off something WE bought for him originally. But I don't appreciate the deception.

The trailer tale does not end there!

On the day Hick's boss came out to get it, I passed them in the field, trying to load the wrecked trailer onto the boss's trailer. The boss had his truck parked in the field, and was standing back away from it. Hick was on his blue tractor, with the bucket under the side of the wrecked trailer, lifting it up, to load on the boss's trailer. I gave a wave and drove on by, not offering my totally useless and un-asked-for help.

That was two weeks ago. Hick had to wait to do this transfer until he got his blue tractor back from HOS (Hick's Oldest Son), who had used it to dig a trench for a sewer line. When Hick went to fetch his tractor (on the day he was so late and his text didn't come through), his tractor wouldn't start.

"Oh. So you loaned your tractor, and now something is wrong with IT! Maybe you should stop loaning your stuff!"

"It wasn't nobody's fault, Val. HOS didn't break my tractor. He had it parked on a slope. There must have been dirt in the gas tank, and it settled wrong, and we had to get it out. I made HOS blow in the hose, though!"

Hick had told me that right after he came home from retrieving the tractor. I didn't think anything more about it. Until Hick came to the house a couple days ago, after working over at the BARn. He threw a receipt on the kitchen table. I think it was around $59.

"I had to get a part for my tractor. The hydraulics are all messed up."

"Oh. Right after you got it back from loaning it..."

"No! It has been going bad for a while. I noticed it when I tried to load the trailer for my boss. My tractor couldn't do it! It didn't have the hydraulic power to lift it. So we went down and got Neighbor with his tractor, and got it loaded."

"Good thing he was home to help out."

"Oh. And I'm going to need a check tomorrow. I went by Mick the Mechanic's shop and ordered two tires my tractor."

"Right after you got it back from loaning it!"

"They was dry-rotted, Val. And trying to lift that trailer was too much for them. It wasn't nobody's fault. It's the front tires. For $300."

This is turning into a "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie" scenario!

The Everchanging Story

Hick is sometimes a bit devious. Sometimes a bit wishy-washy. And sometimes rewrites history. He thinks he can play me for a fool, or else he regrets something he's done, and rather than take ownership, declares that I CAIN'T UNDERSTAND NOTHIN'!

All this to get me off his back. Can you imagine??? I am only trying to determine facts. Whether for my self-satisfaction, or to keep our financial records straight for the flip house expenses.

Remember when we bought Lap House? Surely you do. It was only last month. At the time, Hick said he was making a deal with Some Guy for a truck sitting on the property. It's right there in my blog, plain as day! Hick was trading a couple of guns from his shop for the pickup truck. This was a transaction for Hick's business, for which he is federally and locally licensed. Everything above-board with the legalities for transfer of both such items. Background check, title and license, etc.

THEN Hick asked me for the $2000 to pay Some Guy for the truck. Which I gave him, because he said it was just another cost to get Lap House. That the deal had to include the truck. Yet I distinctly remember Hick coming home from his SUS2.5 that week, complaining that Some Guy was picking out his most expensive item, and wanting another one also. 

NOW Hick says that he was never trading guns for the truck. That WE bought the truck as part of the house deal, and HE was trading Some Guy two guns for all the tools in the basement. Some Guy had asked Hick if he wanted to buy the tools, and said he couldn't move them. Which is also a bit of a fishy transaction by Hick, because it seems to me that the tools came with the house we bought. Any other contents when we've bought a flip house were part of the deal. Whether we had to pay to dump them at the landfill, or it was furniture that was usable, Hick didn't pay the dump fee or reap the rewards. If The Pony and I didn't find the contents of any value, we told Hick he could have them for his shop. That didn't happen with the tools.

Anyhoo... this question arose because of new developments with that truck. Old Buddy has it at his house. Hick had it towed there, for Old Buddy to work on and get it running. Put the title in Old Buddy's name. The cost being taken out of Old Buddy's pay for working on the flip houses. Yet on Wednesday, Hick said he paid Old Buddy for moving furniture out of Bargain House after the sale.

"Wait! Why are you PAYING Old Buddy for work, when he's supposed to be working off that $2000 truck?"

"He ain't got it runnin' yet, Val!"

"It doesn't matter! He still has that truck, with the title in his name."

"Yes. But I told him he didn't have to pay until he had it runnin'."

"Well, isn't THAT an incentive! He can just keep working, getting paid, and say he doesn't have it running yet. And we're out $2000."

"Nooo. I'm gonna take out half his pay when he has the truck going."

"HALF? That will take twice as long! You only pay him $45 a day, four days a week!"

"He'll pay for the truck, Val."

Oh, really? Well, on Thursday Hick talked to Old Buddy about the truck. Old Buddy said it was a lot harder to figure out what was wrong than he thought. So now Hick says he will take back the truck because Old Buddy doesn't seem to want it. Hick will have one of his mechanic buddies tow it to his place, and fix it. But that we'll have to pay him for the work. And then Hick will sell the truck. But we won't make much.

Won't THAT be a nightmare to deal with in my records for expenditures for Lap House???

I talked it over with The Pony. We are in agreement that the $2000 truck should NOT be counted as part of the deal on Lap House. The Pony should not have to contribute to that cost. Hick and I are responsible for that truck, and money from the eventual sale should go right back into our household account to cover the outlay for its purchase and repair.

Hick says the truck $2000 should be added to the cost of the house. I tried to explain that at tax time, we will have documents from the closing that report the sale price of Lap House. Which does not account for that $2000. He's hard to convince when he's arguing to have things his way!

Hick needs to keep his wheeling and dealing to his business from now on.

Hick Beds His Harem

The Buyer for Bargain House didn't want any of the furniture Hick had left in it. He and Old Buddy and The Pony moved out a small bed and a bed frame and dresser, along with a small table and a wall mirror, plus pictures hanging on the wall.

"I just rented an apartment to a new lady yesterday. She don't have nothin'. Her rent, after HUD, is only $71 a month, instead of the regular $575. I'm giving her the bed and the dresser. There's another lady there who can use the bed frame. So I don't have to do nothin' with those, except put them in their apartments."

He's a good guy, our Hick. Towards his harem, anyway.

I hope this doesn't start an issue amongst them! Once the others find out Hick has bedded two in their midst.

Slamming the Door on Bargain House

The deal is done! Bargain House is sold. Checks are in the bank. The electricity, gas, and water services have been stopped from our end. Hick also went by the insurance office Thursday, to cancel the policy on Bargain House that was paid for six months on Monday, having been due on Tuesday. Now we just have to wait for our insurance refund, and the final bills for utilities. The water had a $150 deposit, which we should get back, once they subtract the pro-rated service up to the date of disconnect.

Until the final bills/refunds arrive, I can't calculate our exact profit on Bargain House. I do know that this will be our most profitable flip to date, and probably forever. We got it for such a good price, and the majority of repairs were not expensive, being handled by Hick. I think the most costly was the HVAC system we installed last year for $4800.

Here's another odd thing from the closing. The Closing Gal asked Hick and Realtor Guy if major renovations had been done on the property this year. If they had some kind of forms to show that there were no liens against the property. Hick said no, that he did most of the work himself. Realtor Guy said he had the receipt from the window replacement. Hick mentioned the HVAC, which was the only thing I recall being contracted out, besides the windows. Closing Gal said it was okay, since it was not done this year.

Closing Gal told Hick the name of the form, which I forget. But that on any future property, he needed that to keep on file for any contracted work. To prove that all the work was paid for, and nobody could come back and make a claim against the property.

Hick remembered a time we had some work done on my $17,000 house in town. I think it was when we bumped out the living room to make an office alcove. The guy who did it was Hick's ex-brother-in-law. He did really good carpentry work, for cash. Unfortunately, he didn't pay for the concrete he used for the foundation. Hick was friends with the local concrete guy. He came to talk to Hick, saying that [REDACTED] had not paid for the concrete. So Hick paid it.

That was not a big deal at the time. It might have been the couple weeks that we were left with only plastic closing in our alcove, because [REDACTED] didn't show up to work. We found out later he had been locked up during that time. It didn't stop us from using him. He did really good work. But he also liked to have a few drinks and get in bar fights on the weekend. Which might tell you a little about Hick's "guys" that he has in every trade, heh, heh.

Anyhoo... back to our Bargain House closing. Hick explained that he sometimes got a discount because he paid cash to these tradesmen. Closing Gal said he could still make sure to have that form showing he paid. And to get such a thing for materials as well. Hick said he'd tried to get it from Lowe's this time, but they wouldn't give it. Said he had to call somebody at corporate headquarters, and I forget what their issue was. Hick thinks he can get around that in the future by using his Lowe's Pro account and coding purchases to a specific address. Their statements are not good about itemizing the purchases. It lists materials bought on a certain date, but doesn't show the price on each item. Just a total for that purchase.

Anyhoo... when Closing Gal left the room to make copies, Hick told Realtor Guy that in all the houses we've done, nobody has asked him for such documents. Realtor Guy said (in a whisper, lest he be overheard) that it depends on which title company you use for the closing. Hick said he could understand, because the title company is the entity on the hook if somebody comes back to make a claim for payment, since they are the ones doing the search and issuing the title insurance.

That's a lot of boring stuff that doesn't say much of anything. Except that Bargain House is sold, and we are rolling in dough until we start forking out money for a new roof on Lap House, and also an HVAC system after Hick upgrades the electric.

Seems Like Renovations Were the EASY Part of the Bargain House Flip

As we got our folders of documents at the close of the closing on Bargain House, I asked if the 1099 tax forms were in it, or if they would be mailed next January.

"We give them to you now, but I can't give them to you YET. It's not legal to issue them until after The Buyer has signed, and the closing is complete. You will get them when you pick up your checks."

I reminded Hick of this as we were getting in A-Cad. He said no, they'll come in the mail at tax time. That's how much Hick pays attention when the attention isn't on HIM, heh, heh. I sure hope he remembers when he picks up the checks. Hick said he had other things to do Thursday, and that I could deposit the check. Rather than driving it all the way home, I told him to sign our check, then leave it with The Pony, and we could take them to the bank that afternoon.

As we were buckling up, I saw our Realtor Guy running across the street where he was parked, to knock on Hick's window. That's Hick's blind side.

"Um. Dad! The realtor wants you to roll down the window!"

Realtor Guy said he had a message from The Buyer, asking if there was anything in the house.

"Yes. There's them two beds. A dresser. Some pictures on the walls. A table. He can have it all if he wants it. Or if not, I can go home and get my truck, and move it out."

Realtor Guy sent a message back to The Buyer, to find out what to do. Said he'd let Hick know. The Pony volunteered to help moving furniture. Hick said, "Well, I cain't move it all by myself!" Rather than saying thanks for offering. It's all about Hick.

We drove back to The Pony's house. Hick dumped us out real quick. It was 10:58.

"Are you going home for the truck? Or going to lunch?"

"I'm goin' to eat lunch! I ain't heard nothin' back. So who knows if I'll have to move it."

Well. Hick got his comeuppance later that night. He was SICK! Almost vomiting sick. Couldn't eat all his supper. I said it must have been his lunch: Gourmet Chicken Salad/Choice of Breads/Tomato and Cucumber Pasta/Strawberries and Marshmallows. Hick DID say that it wasn't very good...

Anyhoo... Hick ended up coming to get SilverRedO after lunch. He called Old Buddy, and the three of them moved out the furniture from Bargain House. I have no idea why he left it there. It was from another house, the QuickFlip, that we only had for a month before selling.

I told Hick he should have agreed to move the furniture, then stretched it out for six weeks before finally getting everything out, heh, heh.

____________________________________________________________

The Buyer must have showed up to his 2:00 closing appointment, with actual money, because Hick was able to pick up our checks this next morning. I just verified that as I typed this. Hick dropped them off at The Pony's house, so we can deposit them later this afternoon during Errand Day.

Of course, in true Hick fashion, he did not do the logical thing as I had instructed him the previous day. I had an inkling. So I called back, while he was having lunch with his harem: BBQ Chicken/Scalloped Potatoes/Hot Cabbage Slaw/Roll/Peach Pie.

"Did you get the 1099s?"

"Yes."

"Did you sign the check?"

"Oh. No. I didn't think about that. They should let you deposit it in our account anyway."

"I've tried that before with an insurance refund. They sent it back out and wanted a signature. So we drove around the block and I forged it! I'm not doing it on a check this big. You go by The Pony's and sign it! It's only a few blocks away."

"Okay. In about 20 minutes when I'm done with lunch."

Hopefully, everything will be in order, and we'll have our checks deposited this afternoon. Then again, The Universe likes to toy with Thevictorians.