A Brief Interlude for Some Hick Happenings

Hick's mind is always scheming. Scheming on ways to buy things, and declare that they are NEEDED. He recently bought a sign. He put it on the door of the bus-waiting shack.

Take my word for it. There IS a sign on the door. My camera didn't pick it up from mailbox distance.

I promise! There IS a sign, right under the window of the door! The sun was at an odd angle for signage on this day.

THERE! Told ya so! Hick doesn't know if it will do any good, but it can't hurt. Unless someone steals his sign.

Funny thing, before he even put this sign on the bus-waiting shack, he was talking to a friend at the Storage Units who likes to hunt arrowheads. He must have seen the old sign, still up, high on a tree, painted on a piece of wood, that declares trespassers will be prosecuted.

"I like to walk along creeks to hunt for arrowheads. You have a good place out there [indeed, we've found two arrowheads down by Hick's creekside cabin], but there's a NO TRESPASSING sign. So I haven't been able to look."

"That's for people who cut through on our gravel roads, or hang out and leave trash. Go ahead and park there to look for arrowheads. If anybody stops you, tell them you're my friend, and I gave you permission."

Even our stranger-quizzing neighbor should give him a pass if he mentions Hick.

Part 4: I'm Good Enough, I'm Spendy Enough, and Doggone It, Smiley Likes Me

In the conclusion of our four-part series unofficially titled A Day in the Sweet Life of Val Thevictorian, Small-Town Celebrity...we fittingly drop by The Gas Station Chicken Store. It's my last stop every day, including last Wednesday, which was fraught with a thinner-shouter, a name-dropper, and a well-meaning lottery-tipper.

As I filled my 44 oz foam cup at the soda fountain, there were two customers ahead of me. A short-haired lady had just taken her food from the chicken counter and moved to the main counter. A dude lurked around the chicken case, looking at the wares. I was betting that I could have my magical elixir lidded and ready for payment before Dude got his order.

I stepped toward the counter, but was partially blocked by Dude. That happens. It's a narrow aisle. I figured Dude would eventually move over to grab his chicken, but right now, he was semi-turned to the register, listening as Smiley the cashier made small talk with Short-Hair.

Smiley is always smiling. Never met a stranger. But I had a feeling she knew Short-Hair. The conversation (sorry, if you don't want it blogged, get a cone of silence) was about how Smiley had been working at another convenience store out on the highway, near the furniture store where we got The Pony's cheap basement couch.

Apparently, something had gone amiss at the other store, and Smiley left to come back to her roots at The Gas Station Chicken Store.

"I'm from here. I'm a home-town girl. I've been back two years now."

They whispered (darn that cone of almost-silence) about whatever unpleasantry plagues that other store. Then Short-Hair said,

"Uh huh. I thought so."

Dude had been listening in as well, and nodded. Imagine my surprise when it dawned on me that Dude was a LADY! She was with Short-Hair. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I had not been paying close attention. Clothing around Backroads is pretty informal. Jeans, t-shirts, and sneakers are worn by everyone. They gathered up their chicken and bade goodbye to Smiley. She bid them a fond farewell, doing nothing to debunk my theory that they knew each other. In fact, Smiley's words were,

"Okay, babe. See you around."

My turn now. Smiley asked how I was doing. I replied that I was doing well, even though I'd been to Walmart. Smiley commiserated with me.

"Oh, I HATE to go to Walmart!"

"Me, too."

"Don't get me started on those lazy people who drive up to pick up their groceries!"

"I KNOW! You can hardly get down the aisles for all the shoppers putting stuff in bins to deliver to them."

"I figure if you're too lazy to go inside, you don't need that food."

"I want to pick out my OWN items! I swear, if I was one of those shoppers, I'd give them all the bad stuff. The dented cans, the crumpled boxes, the bruised bananas..."

"Ha ha. I would, too!"

My transaction completed with correct change, I thanked Smiley and turned to leave.

Smiley said, "Thanks, babe. Take care."

If anyone had been behind me, they might have assumed Smiley and I were longtime buds.

Part 3: The Blind Leading the Val With 20/20 X-Ray Vision

Getting back to our four-part series I like to think of as A Day in the Sweet Life of Val Thevictorian, Small-Town Celebrity...

I left Walmart, the scene of the thinner-shouter and the name-dropper, and headed for the School Turn Casey's (now under renovation) for some scratchers.

The first thing I noticed upon entering Casey's was that the checkout counter was in its third location. The second thing I noticed was the clerk. He was Big Red, the big red-headed dude who was there when I brought back the extra $10 that the old lady clerk had given me in change a while back.

I could tell Big Red remembered me, even though I've been scarce around the School Turn Casey's during renovations. He was extra nice, making small talk over the cacophony of power saws and jackhammers. Big Red took my money (no change needed) and shared some advice as he handed me the tickets. He held up the aqua-colored 100,000 Jackpot.

"Now don't forget to scratch the second chance on the back."

"Oh, I always remember that."

"And on this one...[the new St. Louis Blues ticket]...there's an extra chance up here on top."

"I have the app for my phone, to scan the bar code. I've missed a couple, so I always check."

"The other day, I decided to buy the last one on the roll. I was done scratching, and I'd won five dollars. When I scanned it, the machine said FIFTY-FIVE dollars! Good thing I won that five, or I would have thrown it away!"

"Yeah, I bet that happens a lot. They probably plan it that way! Thanks for telling me."

That dear, sweet, Big Red! Helping me out, like I haven't scratched about a thousand more tickets than he.

At Least Val'a Week Ended CENTSibly

Whew! Another close one. I was afraid my Future Pennyillionaire quest would be stymied, perhaps by Even Steven. I managed to eke out a meager harvest, though.

FRIDAY, November 1, I was elated to spot a penny lurking under the chocolate-covered raisins at the Sis-Town Casey's when I went inside to pay for T-Hoe's gas. Maybe I should just set up my casino comp folding chair there all week, and wait for one to fall. Except we didn't go back to the casino to get our free folding chair.

This was a face-down 2017 penny. My apologies to the man ahead of me for taking a picture of his rumpus.

Timing worked out just right for me to snap my pictures, and balance my hand on the counter as I leaned to pick up this penny.

With evidence that I wasn't shut-out riding in my shirt pocket, I smugly resumed my errands, and proceeded to the bank and Gas Station Chicken Store. It wasn't until my last stop at Orb K that fortune shined on me again, in the form of this glittery gem.

It was a heads-up penny. A little more difficult to harvest. A little more difficult to determine the date, as a terrible tragedy occurred later at home!

People had the nerve to line up behind me while the clerk was getting my scratchers. He was the slow one. Not ME! I snapped my pictures and pocketed the penny and my phone before the clerk had rung up my tickets. Some people were exposed to my ample rumpus, though. I hope nobody took a picture. That would just be weird.

While taking the pennies out of my pockets back home, changing into my lair-wear in the master bathroom,  The Universe, continually conspiring against me, struck with a quickness! I heard a penny drop as I took off my pants (stop imagining that visual!). It hit something metallic. Which meant that it had rolled under a small chest of drawers Hick keeps clothes in, and onto the heating/AC floor vent. Not just ON the vent. IN the vent!

Yes, it was a dusty mess back under there. I studied other floor vents to see which way to turn that dial to CLOSE the vent, not open it. Then I took a pair of tweezers and tried to retrieve my rightful penny. Every time I touched it, the vent tried to open up and swallow my penny! Sheesh! Some vents you can't open or close without a struggle, but this one moves with the blink of an eyelash!

My knee was grinding angrily each time I semi-squatted and bent to maneuver my tweezers. I called off the rescue and put in a call to Hick. My hero. Who either hung up on me or was cut off by our faulty phone service. Maybe he can get it when he comes home. Maybe not.

Anyhoo, my Future Pennyillionaire coffers grew by two cents this week.
__________________________________________________________________

2019 Running Total
Penny     # 109, 110.
Dime      still at 19.
Nickel    still at 8.
Quarter   still at 4.

2018 TOTALS
Penny  131
Dime  17
Nickel  6
Quarter  1

2017 TOTALS (Started in March, 2017)
Penny  78
Dime   6
Nickel  0
Quarter  0
__________________________________________________________________

Part 2: It Was a Long Time, One Kind, Smiling Purple Hair-Streaker

Still reeling from that pleasant encounter with a stranger, A Day In the Sweet Life of Val Thevictorian, Small Town Celebrity was about to get better as I entered Walmart to begin my shopping.

No, I didn't simply find what I was looking for. Nor was the betterness due to seeing that same complimenter on the soda aisle, who smiled and said, "Hello again." Nope. I had everything I needed, and was headed towards the front, when I made another connection near the corn dog freezer bin.

A gal came out of the candy/condiments aisle and turned toward the front. She glanced at me, continued on, turned around, continued, turned around, and stopped.

"Thevictorian, isn't it?"

"Yes. That's me!"

"I KNEW I recognized you! Do you remember ME?"

"I'm thinking MANDY..." [not actual name]

"YES! You remembered!"

"Gosh, that was in the old building! It had to be 20 years ago. I always remember the face. Sometimes not the name. I had a hundred kids a day, for 28 years. So sometimes I forget. I'm retired now."

"I'm working here. Not for Walmart exactly. Over in the salon. I've been here for eight years."

"Eight years? That's great. These days, so many people don't stay long at one job."

"I have two little boys. One is about to start pre-school."

"Oh, that will devastate you, dropping him off the first time!"

"I know! My other one is three and a half. The doctor thinks he might be autistic. He's very high-functioning, but he doesn't talk. He'll say MOM a hundred times a day, though."

"When he gets in school, they'll work with him. And I'm sure you are already."

"Yeah. When the doctor told me, I didn't want to hear it. But my friend who works in daycare said, 'The doctor is right. I'm around a lot of kids.' So that made me accept it. It takes him a long time to warm up to people. But the newest lady with our at-home program met him once, and he wanted to go home with her!"

"Well, I think my youngest is on the spectrum. He doesn't really care about helping people, or show any interest in them. He's turned out okay. Do you ever watch Jersey Shore?"

"Not often."

"Me neither, but when I start, I can't stop. Do you know J-Wow?"

"Yes! People are always telling me I look like her."

"You DO! Anyway, her son is like that, nonverbal. Her husband (before they got divorced) said there was nothing wrong with him."

"Yeah, I was like that too. But now I see it."

"Now that you know, you can learn how to help him with it."

"That's what my friend says. She tells me all the time, 'Of course he's not going to talk if you don't stop answering for him all the time!' She's right. I do that. I'm working on it. Hey! It was really good to see you."

"Yeah, maybe in another 20 years, we can run into each other again!"

"Ha ha! Yeah. I'd better get back."

"Okay. Nice talking to you." 

Of course I remembered her. She was my student during my first year there. Very smart. Good with math. Mature for her age. Not such a great home life. A take-charge kind of kid. And now here she was, an adult with purple-streaked hair. It looked good. I would have no qualms about letting her work on my lovely lady-mullet. Her boys have a good mom, who will work to bring out the best in them.

Time flies when you're teaching kids.

Part I: It Takes a Village to Praise a Val

Today we begin a 4-part series called A Day In the Sweet Life of Val Thevictorian, Small Town Celebrity.

Such a glorious day was Wednesday! I think I'll not have another for quite some time. Every stop had a pleasant interaction awaiting me. Had I known what was in store, I might have gotten out of bed before 9:45. But then my timing would have been off. So it seems that everything worked out just as it was supposed to, the proper threads interweaving in the rich tapestry of Val's life.

Wednesday was Walmart shopping day. Yuck! You can see why I wasn't eager to get started. However, as I was waiting at the crosswalk for a gal with a cart who never walked, I spied a car backing out of a great parking space! It was on the end nearest the doors, with room to cheat over so that even a close-parker who might be on my left when I came out could not keep T-Hoe's door from opening all the way!

I stashed my purse (don't need any 80-year-old men breaking in to steal it and then steal T-Hoe), grabbed my list, and headed toward the store. There was a cart sitting on the space where lazy people pull over to get their online-ordered groceries. I figured I could do a good deed, and grab that cart and push it inside. If the wheels worked okay, I'd keep it for shopping. Kind of like a test drive.

As I was taking the last few steps toward that cart, a blonde woman in a blue Walmart vest entered my peripheral vision. I guess she'd just arrived, or had been delivering curbside.

"Hello."

"Hello."

"Haven't I seen you in here before?"

"Probably! I'm here at least once a week."

"You look like you've lost weight."

"Oh, that's so nice! I DID. But I've gained some of it back."

"Well, you really look good."

"Thank you! That's so sweet."

Seriously. That WAS so sweet. Even cantankerous old Val couldn't be mad at that lady for commenting on her personal appearance. I guess I need to be on my best behavior when I'm out and about. If even people from Walmart recognize me.

I hope I wasn't part of a hidden camera prank. If you see me on YouTube, let me know.

Val Gets Knotty and Wild at the Casino

While last week's visit to the casino was a culinary nightmare, the gambling part of it was a sweet dream. For Val, anyway. Which is all that matters.

It's always fun to get out ahead of the no-armed bandits. Remembering some success last time on a slot back by the cashier and bathrooms, I returned to the scene of not-losing. I put in a twenty, and played for a while at 60 cents a spin. The lowest bet possible was 30 cents, but that's for my sister the ex-mayor's wife (who could not go along this time), and not for me. When I got up to $30, I increased my bet to 90 cents a spin. Heh, heh! I was a big SPINDER!

I hit a bonus by getting 3 rams' heads, and this was about halfway through. It didn't pay all that much for this screen, just $9.00, but I thought it was pretty. I don't know what those symbols are. I mentally call them "knots," but I think they're some type of headgear.

This is the same game, at the end of the bonus, after it had totaled up my win and transferred it to my balance. I cashed out after than. That shows the original screen that gave me the bonus.

From there, I went to the cashier with my comp that came in the mail, entitling me to $25 FREE CASH. I folded that up in my pocket, not for gambling, but to spend on scratchers at a truck stop on the way home. So. I guess it WAS for gambling!

I met Hick up front at the service desk to get our camouflage backpack coolers, which he took out to A-Cad. Then we met for our time-consuming and undelicious lunch. After that, it was back to the gaming floor.

Of course a casino visit for Val is never without angst. I went to a Wonder 4 Boost slot that I'd been excited to play. There are three in a row. I've had good luck on the left one and the right one. I was happy to see the left one was available. I had a ticket I'd cashed out of another machine for 16 cents. You can't do much with it besides put it in another slot, unless you want to carry around a couple pounds of change for your granddaughter's bank (SIS!). I walked up to that Wonder 4 Boost, and slid that ticket into the slot. I set down my FREE soda, and got my player's card out of my purse.

"NO! SOMEBODY'S PLAYING THAT ONE!"

Shouted the man at the middle machine, and the woman at the right machine. Well. That's very odd. Nobody was sitting on the chair. There wasn't a player's card in the slot. The balance was zero until I put in my 16 cents. The chair wasn't leaned up against the front of the slot, which is the universal signal that somebody has been playing, and has just stepped away.

As you might imagine, this turn of events did not sit well with Val.

"Oh. Of COURSE they are!"

I picked up my soda and left. I'm pretty sure that in my fit of pique, I left my 16 cents behind. I hope it was bad karma! I walked behind the SOMEBODY-shouters, just to make them nervous. Or spread some bad vibes. Because Val is vindictive like that. I made a left turn at the end of the Wonder 4 Boosts, and came upon a Fortune Coin slot. Four of them, actually. Two on one side, and two on the other. This is my new favorite machine. It rarely lets me down. I had no idea that this casino had them, tucked away back here by the terrible-lunch grill.

I sat down to play, and had soon doubled my initial twenty. I upped my bet from 60 cents to $1.20. When I profited twenty again, I jumped it to $1.80. I'd been hitting several little bonuses, which was fun, and was letting me play a long time, while not losing money. Imagine my glee when a single spin got me this line hit and coin show:

That's while it's adding up. The next picture shows the symbols, and the total.

Heh, heh! Dadblast those SOMEBODY-shouters for driving me away from Wonder 4 Boost, into the dragon-arms of this Fortune Coin slot! That was a $145.80 line hit! When I cashed out and walked back by the Wonder 4 Boost, none of those people were sitting there. I guess they lost their money and left. Surely they weren't all winners! I hadn't heard any shouts of excitement.

Don't go thinking I needed a hand truck to cart my winnings out of the casino. We ARE talking about Val and her gambling habits. When I cashed out to leave, I had my full casino bankroll, plus a profit of $147.50. Not counting the $25 FREE CASH in my pocket. Which won me $35 on scratchers on the way home.

Yes. It was a good gambling day for Val. I think blog buddy JOEH is right: Even Steven DID feel bad about my lunch.