Hick's supper Tuesday night was breakfast. Sausage, eggs, and biscuits. Sure, the biscuits were out of a can. And the sausage was a previously-grilled bratwurst that I thawed out. I offered to make scrambled eggs for Hick, but he preferred fried eggs. Which meant he had to cook them himself. I don't do fried eggs. I don't like fried eggs. So as you might imagine, when I cook them, they are not up to Hick's standards.
I did everything else. The biscuits were done. The sausage was hot. I had a skillet with oil already warming up. The pepper grinder was waiting without the lid on the bottom. The four eggs were set out. Hick only wanted three, but there were four left in the carton, and I wasn't going to store one egg. There was also a plate on the counter, with a fork, butter knife, and sausage-cutting knife. Plus the metal spatula for egg-flipping. I had done just about everything except chewing the food and baby-bird-ing into Hick's mouth.
Hick came to the kitchen when called, to start frying his eggs. I sat at the kitchen table out of the way. I had been scratching some losing scratchers, but I could not look away from the spectacle of Chef Hick.
Hick picked up his first egg, and started tapping it on the side of the pan. It's not like he was using a cast-iron skillet. This was a small non-stick pan.
"What are you doing?"
"Cracking my egg."
"On the side of the pan???"
"Yeah. That's what I always do. How do you crack them?"
"On the edge of the counter. So I don't drip egg juice down the side of the pan where it hardens, and onto the burner and stove."
"Huh."
Hick kept cracking. One egg took 11 whacks! Like I said, that small pan is not sturdy enough to be an egg-cracker. AND, after each egg, Hick wiped his hands on a paper towel he had set ON THE STOVE BESIDE THE BURNER! I was afraid it was going to burst into flames! Hick cooked two eggs at a time, then shoveled them onto his plate. When he was done, he turned off the burner, but let the pan with oil sit on that hot burner, metal spatula inside.
I thought he might eat at the cutting block, but Hick took his plate into the living room to his recliner after buttering three biscuits and carving up his sausage. When he returned with the plate, I had to instruct him to wipe off the crumbs, then put it in the sink, run water on it, and put his fork in it. Nothing gets as concrete-hard as left-over egg, unless maybe it's leftover potato.
It's actually easier for me just to cook something, rather than stress through Hick's efforts.
Almost everybody I know cracks their eggs on the edge of the pan when frying them. We tilt the egg to crack on the inside edge, though sometimes some white will still drip outside depending on how the egg cracks. I know one person who cracks eggs into a bowl and then slides them into the frying pan.
ReplyDeleteI sure hope they don't have to use 11 whacks per egg! Obviously everyone else's pan is sturdier than the small nonstick pan used by Hick. Some people crack eggs into a bowl to make sure nothing is wrong with the eggs, rather than risk ruining all of them in the pan.
DeleteOne whack per egg is all we need. I understand about using a bowl for that reason and have done it myself if the carton is past its best before date.
DeleteGood to know. A sturdy pan can do that for you. Along with having no aversion to cleaning up egg whites off the stove or burner if the eggs leak the wrong way,
DeleteNow, I am stressed out! I do have to have to tell a person one step at a time how to do something. I do agree it is easier to do it myself.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I think they do stuff "wrong" on purpose, so they won't be expected to do it for themselves again!
DeleteYes, learned helplessness!
DeleteWhat if they're actually maniacal geniuses, training us to do their bidding!?
Delete