Let the record show
that it’s official now. Thevictorian family is geographically challenged. As we
have established, Val does not know her Europe, a deficiency which she attributes
to her ninth grade geography teacher, a football coach who ran plays all hour
with his team, and didn’t even know Little Val’s name until after 2nd
Quarter. A valedictorian can’t grow in a vacuum, you know. That guy might have cost
me a fortune on Jeopardy. Let’s not even talk about the arrangement of Spain,
Greece, and Italy.
The Pony can barely
make his way from the homestead to bill-paying town without a map, a Garmin,
and a trail of little chocolate donuts. It’s hard to recognize roads and
landmarks when your nose is buried in a laptop.
Last night, I told The
Pony to holler upstairs and ask Hick how far we live from the North-Of-Backroads County line. Hick hollered his response: “It depends. Three miles. Or 40 miles. Depending on which way you go.”
By that reasoning, I
suppose we live three miles away, or 92,960,000 miles away.
Depending on
whether you go around the sun to get there.
Ha! (No need to answer this comment.)
ReplyDeleteCome on. You know you want it!
DeleteLongest title ever (tee hee, I said tit le)
ReplyDeleteMy brother and his wife often sailed to Maine. He once docked and asked a local, "where is the nearest place to buy fresh lobster." He was old, "Don't rightly know."
"You mean there is no place to get fresh lobster?"
"Lots of places, just don't know which is the closest."
Is Hick from Maine?
Hick is not from Maine. But he thinks that Long Island Sound is the New York Sound, and that he visited his boss two houses down from the home of "Betty" the famous author who just died, when in reality it was the house of Katharine Hepburn, who had been deceased for at least two years.
DeleteSo in other words, don't ask Hick the nearest place to buy fresh lobster. You might end up in Guadalajara having four-year-old lutefisk.
Hick's answer was thorough, if not helpful.
ReplyDeleteI see you grade on the curve.
DeleteI'm ALWAYS being asked for directions by strangers (I guess it's on account of me being so tall or something). Invariably I will say, 'you need to take the next left' whilst confidently pointing right - on that basis I suppose everything is approximately 92,960,000 miles away ...
ReplyDeleteThey will get to that destination eventually, as long as they keep going. And if not, they will never be able to find you again!
DeleteSo men have a problem with maps AND measurement? Is that why they think things are really longer than they actually are?
ReplyDeleteYes. And a problem with AIMING as well. I guess that's because their distance calculations are thrown off because of the faulty measurement thing.
DeleteI watched the movie, Grease, and my grandfather came from Italy, and I know a Spanish speaking woman, but other than that, those places are as far away as Hick thinks his BARn is.
ReplyDeleteCareful now! Your mind is working like Hick's.
DeleteInformation from electronic devices and Hicks are only as good as the information uploaded and the operating system.
ReplyDeleteTherein lies our problem. I think Hick is version 1.0 and nobody works on those things anymore.
Delete