Today I reached into EmBee and pulled out THIS:
Blog Readers, I served supper with mice in my house. I know mice. Mice are enemies of mine. And this, Blog Readers, was no mouse!
Seriously. Think of the jaws on that thing! But try not to think of the nest. It might be as big as that HUGE stickly contraption I saw on Naked and Afraid, the one in Namibia that the Lady Godiva chick pushed over a cliff with a big stick, allowing the blond dreadlocked free spirit dude to catch five juvenile hammerhead storks. Somebody ate good on day 17!
Yes, this junk mail was not nibbled by a tiny field mouse with twitching whiskers and big ears. It was gnawed by a GIANT RAT. One, perhaps, like John Candy as Uncle Buck suggested to his niece Maisy's school principal. To have a mole removed. "Take this quarter, go downtown, and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face."
The reason the dead-mouse-smelling post office did not smell like dead mouse that last time I was there is because SOMETHING GIGANTIC ATE THE DEAD MOUSE!
Dum dum...dum dum dum dum...dum dum dum dum dum dum!
ReplyDeleteYou're gonna need a bigger post office.
Just when you thought it was safe to go back to the mail counter!
DeleteIt does look like something chewed it. I do love that scene from Uncle Buck.
ReplyDeleteI am partial to the scene where he has that exchange with Macaulay Culkin ending in, "I'm a kid. That's my job." And the one where Uncle Buck is ranting at the washing machine, and is overheard by Roseanne's sister Jackie--I mean Laurie Metcalf--the nosy neighbor.
DeleteUh huh, you're on the tail of something, I mean trail. I agree, I smell a rat.
ReplyDeleteSmell a rat? You might just be getting a whiff of Hick when he comes home after working in the 105-degree heat index.
DeleteThere's a story there--a horror story.
ReplyDeleteAnd a huge congratulations to you and Pony on your contest wins.
Indeed. Too bad I find fiction so daunting. I need to step outside my comfort zone.
DeleteThank you! The check was in the mail. I got it today. The Pony has been prancing around with his head held high. He is quite happy to share the news of his win when I prompt him for a new audience.
Be careful--it might be a land shark!!
ReplyDeletehttp://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/landshark/2832305
I will refrain from opening the door if I hear, "Candygram." Those were the days!
Delete