Friday, May 12, 2017

Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday #60 "A Weapon By Any Other Name"

Blog buddy Sioux is hosting Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday. I have 150 words to convince you to fake-buy my fake book. This week, Val brings you the story of a young skateboarder-turned-entrepreneur with a secret weapon to market. Don't turn up your nose at this fake book! They're disappearing off the shelf. In fact, the shelf itself is disappearing! Get one before the inventory liquidates!

A Weapon By Any Other Name

Malodorous Funk set out to make a name for himself in the skateboarding world. His natural balance made him a shoe-in for a shoe endorsement. Until the manufacturers got wind of Malodorous's OTHER natural attribute: stinky feet. Using special polymers, they were able to design a shoe that did not hold the odor. Unfortunately, the trade-off was a miasma that surrounded Malodorous like Pigpen's dust cloud, everywhere but his shoes.. And dissolved everything in its path. The first to go was his skateboard.

Will Malodorous be charged with property destruction and indecent exposure? Or will the CIA approach him with an offer he can't refuse? (105 words)


Fake Reviews for Val’s Fake Book

Pig-Pen..."Wow! I got another 15 minutes of fame! Thanks, Thevictorian!"

Piggy from Lord of the Flies..."I've never had a good history with athletes. They usually behave like savages. However, I think I'd like to invest in this young man's product. I can imagine several uses for it...not the least one being revenge. Thank you, Thevictorian, for fake-writing this fake book. You are a credit to society."

Wilbur..."Some fake book. I'm not real good with words. But if my friend Charlotte was here, I think she'd write a that the word? For something very critical? A scath--scathing review of Thevictorian's fake book. I will NOT treasure the sweet memory of it forever."

Pigs, flying..."Yippee! We've been trying to get off the ground for years, and the day this fake book was fake published, we made it! Thanks, Thevictorian, for allowing us to fly."

Pig-in-a-Blanket..."This fake book chilled me to the bone! Fake-reading it was no treat, let me tell you! The fake author is so wrapped up in herself that she has no idea how to fake-write about others.

Piglet..."Oh, dear. The fake writing in this fake book is so terrible that it frightens me. I wish I had never found the courage to fake-read it. I shall do my best to have it banned from the Hundred Acre Wood, to save my friends from suffering like I did."

Kevin Bacon..."I really hope there are more than six degrees separating Thevictorian from me! The though of being related to this fake author does not make me dance with joy."

First 2 of The 3 Little Pigs..."Woe is we, that we didn't build our homes from the pages of Thevictorian's fake book! It would be quite safe from the huffing and puffing of a big bad wolf. Heck, this fake book is such an ironclad failure that it could withstand an F5 tornado!"

Pickled Pigs Feet..."This fake book, like ourselves, is sure to leave a bad taste in the mouth of the reader! And also, like us on a refrigerator shelf, people will get one look at it on the bookshelf, and turn away, repulsed."

The Little Piggy That Stayed Home..."My brother who went to market, and the one who had roast beef, and the one who's watching his diet...all think our last little brother went 'WEE WEE WEE' all the way home. When in reality, I was here, and saw the whole thing. He was already home, and was screaming in horror after reading the first page of this fake book."  

Piggy bank..."Alas, my stomach rumbles. Shall I ever feel full again? How I wish I belonged to a REAL Stephen King! And not this Thevictorian fake-writing woman. I might be the first piggy bank to succumb to malnourishment."

Pig in crap..."Hee hee! I'm SO happy that I have absolutely nothing to do with this project! Don't know the fake author, haven't fake-read the fake book! All I do every day is wallow in crap! And I'm HAPPY! As happy! In CRAP!"


  1. The reviews are hilarious, as usual. I finally posted, and my blurb was not very creative. I'll try harder next time.

    1. Reviews are my favorite part! They virtually write themselves.

      I'm surprised you have time to blurb at all, with the schedule you've given yourself for this month!

  2. I fake read the book and really have to say that it stinks, you can smell it from a mile away, at this rate your readers are disappearing as fast as his skateboard.

    1. My fake reputation as a fake author precedes me! The blurb days are some of the least fake-read posts ever!

      Blog Buddy Stephen usually gives me his own review, but he's on vacation now. So thanks for taking over reviewing duties!

    2. I am always happy to fake help when I can, and on some occasions real help.

  3. Oh no! I know some people that I would like to put in his path though! LOL I like how we all went in different directions on this one!

    1. I wonder if my many years of teaching led me down this smelly path...