Friday, April 28, 2017

Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday #58 "Buried Secrets From the Sandbox"


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Blog buddy Sioux is hosting Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday. I have 150 words to convince you to fake-buy my fake book. Do you have a soft spot for romance? Do you love cats? If either applies, then this week's fake book is for you! It's a tale of star-crossed lovers who can't deny their animal magnetism. Stock up on a fancy feast, groom yourself to perfection, and order your copy now.

Buried Secrets From the Sandbox

"I'm not sure WHAT happened," Rocky tells his psychiatrist. "One minute everything was as smooth as cream, and the next minute, Miss Kitty was caterwauling like she had her tail caught under a rocking chair. She kicked me to the curb! And all my stuff, too!"

Miss Kitty has her own side. She tells anyone who'll listen, psychiatrist or not. "Can you believe the NERVE of him? Always out cattin' around! Looking for more tail! Then pussyfootin' back home, creeping in on little fog feet. I've had it with Rocky! He is NOT a cool cat!"

Will Rocky and Miss Kitty resolve their differences? Or is Rocky up a tree without a fireman? Can he win her back with a romantic date, sharing a fish bone on top of the garbage can, followed by an evening of chasing a laser pointer across the wall? (144 words)


Fake Reviews for Val’s Fake Book

Morris the Cat..."Thevictorian's fake literature stinks! I am NOT just being finicky when I tell you that this fake book should be buried in the child-next-door's sandbox." 

Puff..."Look, Jane. Look, look, look. A book. A bad, bad book. Do not read it, Jane. No, no, no!"

Garfield..."I wouldn't read this fake book if it came with a 9-lifetime supply of lasagna! This fake book is so bad that even Odie wouldn't like it."

Nermal..."As the world's cutest kitten, believe me when I inform you that this is NOT the world's cutest fake book! I have just returned from a short sojourn in Abu Dhabi, or I would have warned you sooner."

The Cheshire Cat..."Thevictorian has a lot in common with the Mad Hatter and the March Hare. Her fake book makes me smile. Then again...everything makes me smile. We're all mad here, though. And I'm not talking about crazy. We're mad that Thevictorian was able to fake-publish this fake book!"

Sylvester..."Thufferin' thuccotasthh! I took thith fake book off of Granny'th nightthtand, planning to use it to whack Tweety thenstheleth. However, thith fake book ith UTHLETH! It'th not even a good whacker."

Tom..."Thevictorian has about as much chance of making it as a successful author as I have of catching Jerry and eating him. And let's remember, I've been trying for a lot more years, and putting a lot more effort into it."

Sassy..."For Thevictorian to succeed on her JOURNEY toward popular fake-authorship would indeed be INCREDIBLE! Without a Shadow of a doubt, I would say she has no Chance."

Milo..."Even my friend Otis could not save this abysmal fake book from obscurity. It should be tossed in a box and floated down a stream through the wilderness, never to be seen or heard from again."

That Darn Cat..."If only bank robbers would kidnap this fake book and hold it for ransom...I would NEVER lead the FBI to their hideout!"


  1. This story stinks it's really sad,
    Too bad the writing's so very bad.

    -The Cat in the Hat-

    1. Run along, Hatted Cat
      You've got something to do
      Your name's being called
      By Thing 1 and Thing 2

  2. Val--Finally. A day late and several dollars short. Finally, I posted it.

    You left out Grumpy Cat. I'm surprised.

    Thanks for playing, even before I open up the box, set up the board and distribute the game pieces.

    1. Grumpy Cat is SO this century!

      I'm a player
      I'm now grayer
      I'm The Good Feet Store payer...

      I write fake stories just for fun.

  3. Martha, the boy cat, read this and says this is why he prefers the company of his canines. No way is he answering to a Mrs. Martha, the boy cat's wife!

    1. Then I guess it's safe to say that Mr. Martha and a pussycat will not be going to sea in a beautiful pea-green boat for a year and a day, to buy a ring out of a pig's nose and get married...