Friday, April 21, 2017

Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday #57 "This Old Spouse"

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Blog buddy Sioux is hosting Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday. I have 150 words to convince you to fake-buy my fake book. Have you ever grown frustrated with your spouse? Do too many years of togetherness make you wish he/she was absent so your heart might have a chance to grow fonder? If so, then Val's latest fake book is for you! It's the story of a gal who puts her foot down and kicks her hubby to the curb, down the boulevard, onto the freeway, and across the continent.

Order now, and you'll have the added bonus of getting in on the ground floor underpinnings of the Tiny House Movement! That's right! Win a chance to purchase your very own tiny house for the low, low price of only $140,000. That's a steal! And all that chance will cost you is the price of Val's latest fake book. Prices may vary. The more you make, the more Val charges. Reserve your copy today!

This Old Spouse

Gabe Jenkin is on the road again. He's not quite sure what he did this time, but his ol' lady was spittin' mad! It could have been the ear wax he wiped on her steering wheel, or the entire pot roast he piled in his towering bowl of vegetable beef soup, or the skidmarks he left on the toilet seat. All Gabe knows is that he needs to get while the gettin' is possible.

Gabe pays $5 for an old camper trailer at a flea market, and covers it with wood from shipping pallets that he picks up at night behind closed businesses. VOILA! The perfect tiny house! Since his wife kept the truck, Gabe pulls his house from campground to campground like a rickshaw. Like a terrapin airing out from his shell. Can Gabe survive without his wife telling him when to breathe in/breathe out? (146 words)


Fake Reviews for Val’s Fake Book

Bob Vila..."I will be serving Thevictorian with a cease and desist order for using this title. I gave her fake book a try, but it made me wish I was plastered. She lacks a solid foundation in literature." 

Norm Abram..."I like what Gabe Jenkin did with this Tiny House. I hope he made room to hang a second fiddle, and put in a rack to hold plaid shirts."

Abraham Lincoln..."I tried to read this fake book by firelight, but I ended up chucking it into the fire. I hope that in four score and seven years, everybody has forgotten this fake book was ever fake published."

Mary Todd Lincoln..."I can't resist a good fake book. Unfortunately, THIS is not one. At least I got my fake copy for free. If I had to PAY for this fake book, it would drive me crazy."

Fine Young Cannibals..."She drives us crazy! Thevictorian, we mean. With her fake books. She is neither young, nor fine. In fact, Thevictorian leaves such a sour taste in our mouths that we are reconsidering the whole cannibal thing."

Patsy Cline..."I'm crazy. Crazy for loving this fake book. Ha ha! Fooled ya, didn't I? Thevictorian may have sweet dreams of becoming a famous fake author, but she'll fall to pieces once she reads the fake reviews."

Aerosmith..."Thevictorian drives us up a wall. We go crazy, and not in a good way, over her fake writing."

Randle Patrick McMurphy..."I know crazy when I see it. And I am NOT crazy...about this fake book. The writing is so bad, it makes we wish I had a lobotomy!"

Crazy Eights..."Thevictorian is at sixes and sevens with us. Her fake writing is no match for real literature."

Crazy Joe Davola..."If I ever meet this fake author on the street, she's better hope she's wearing a motorcycle helmet for protection from my roundhouse kick. NEXT TIME she'll invite me to her launch party!"

Chock Full O' Nuts..."One of our nuts is missing, and that nut's name is Thevictorian. We smell trouble brewing! She is armed with a keyboard, and her writing is considered by most to be a sign of the apocalypse. Everybody doesn't like Thevictorian. Have you seen her? Maybe we should have her paged, like in Porky's, when they paged Mike Hunt at the restaurant. 'Thevictorian? Has anybody seen our nut?'"

Almond Joy..."Upon fake-reading Thevictorian's fake book, we suddenly realized: this is one of the times we don't feel like a nut."


  1. Although the reviews suggest that this one isn't as bad as your other fake books, I still don't want to fake buy it!!

  2. I can't imagine where you got the inspiration for this book.

    1. I'm such a creative thinker that I'm shocked, actually, that I haven't yet won a Pulitzer Prize for fiction!

  3. Val--I think I know of Gabe. I think you actually know him. However, my "Gabe" is about the same.

    As is usually the case, your reviews are just as clever as your blurb.

    Who is Norm Abram? And Randal Patrick McMurphy?

    And a blurb that sucks in The Fine Young Cannibals? Brilliant.

    1. Norm Abram was Bob Vila's sidekick on the original The Old House. He then had his own show, The New Yankee Workshop.

      Randle Patrick McMurphy was the main character of Ken Kesey's "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest," played by Jack Nicholson in the movie, noted for his (eventually losing) battle with Oscar-winner Louise Fletcher's Nurse Ratched.

  4. It's . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . different. I think I'll pass.

    1. At least you're more diplomatic about it than fishducky! So maybe you're not crazy. Just a little...eccentric.

  5. I always love the comments that the various people have... you're so clever!

    1. Sometimes they're clever and make me snort, sometimes they set me up like the best straight men ever!