Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday #55 "The Long Finger of the Pa"

Blog buddy Sioux is hosting Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday. I have 150 words to convince you to fake-buy my fake book. Do you have a slight physical imperfection? A minor affliction, perhaps, that doesn't incapacitate you, but makes some situations difficult? Or maybe just embarrassing? If so, or even if you like to gawk at others (surreptitiously, of course, so as not to hurt their feelings), then this week's fake book is for you. It's the story of a man who should have listened to his mother. "What if your finger froze that way, Sonny?" Yeah. He should have listened. Fake-order your fake copy today! Competition for the limited print run will be stiff.

The Long Finger of the Pa

Flick Ricks is embarrassed by his father, Flipper, the town laughingstock. Since his early teens, Flipper's middle finger has been unbendable. Kids ribbed him mercilessly growing up. "Little Flip Ricks grew up in the sticks, eating his Christmas pie. He stuck in his bird and pulled out a turd, and said, 'What an eff-up am I!'"

Flipper doesn't want his son Flick to hear such taunting. He beats them to the punch. "Hey! Pull my finger!" He improvises song lyrics. "I'm good, good, Flipper Ricks...the nicest man in a town of d*cks!" He starts conversations with, "I can't quite put my finger on it, but..."

Flipper vows that his son shall have the best counseling his thriving proctologist income can provide. What stories will Flick have to tell about his childhood? (131 words)

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Fake Reviews for Val’s Fake Book

Badfinger..."We remember finding out about Thevictorian. Looking out on her fake, fake book, day after day. If you want it, here it is. Come and get it. But you better hurry because it's a piece of trash. You better hurry, cause it will not last."

Fickle Finger of Fate..."The release of this fake book, and its lackluster sales, is a prime example of how not-bad-enough things happen to not-good-enough people."

Flipper..."Clicketyclicketyclickety!" Translation: I'm a dolphin, you idiots! How can I fake-read a fake book?

Sit 'n' Spin..."I am dizzy with anticipation for the sequel!"

One Finger..."I salute you, Thevictorian, on your latest fake effort."

The Bird..."Neither flipping nor flying nor shooting me will properly convey the feeling most folks have after fake-reading this fake book."

Henry Fonda's dead severed arm and hand strapped to the mast at the end of Sometimes a Great Notion..."Take THAT, Thevictorian!"

Fingerling Potato..."While I would like to report that this fake book is a smashing success...it instead made me boiling mad! Oh, my eyes! There is nothing new here. It's almost as if the fake author was baked or loaded when she fake-wrote it. She needs to stop waffling and make her plot less grating. Even buttering me up with a free fake copy cannot make it sell like hotcakes. In the literary world, Thevictorian is instantly becoming persona au gratin. She needs to hash out the wedge she is driving between her fake fiction and her fake readers."

Freddie Got Fingered..."This fake book is going to be really bad for my future DVD sales. It makes a mockery of one man's struggle to fit in. No way is anybody going to throw away money on Thevictorian's crappy story AND me. Though we appeal to the same demographic, I am ashamed to say."

Finger Lakes of New York..."Whew! After reading THAT stagnant body of work, we need a drink! That is not to be confused with a toast, which nobody will be raising a glass to do for this fake author. Such a shallow effort has not been observed since pre-glacial times."