Friday, April 14, 2017

Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday #56 "The Strong Harm of the Claw"

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Blog buddy Sioux is hosting Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday. I have 150 words to convince you to fake-buy my fake book. Have you ever been around someone who drags you down with constant complaining? Who criticizes your every move and thought? Then this week's fake book is for you! It's the story of a young boy who yearns to escape the vice-like grip of his mother's affections. She only wants what's best for him, but has questionable ways of showing it. Don't be a hermit! Come out of your shell and put in your fake order for this week's fake book!


The Strong Harm of the Claw

Jimmy can't believe his luck. When he made a wish before blowing out his birthday candles, he imagined his always-complaining mother living her life as a crab. And the next morning, when he went to wake her up, there was a CRAB on her pillow! No sign of Mom. It probably didn't hurt that Jimmy had made the same wish when he saw a shooting star, and when his friend Susie found an eyelash on his cheek. And when he discovered that old lamp and started shining it in Susie's garage.

Will Jimmy take his crabby mom to show-and-tell? Will she come out of her shell and get involved with Jimmy's soccer team? Can she ever make amends for all the angst she has caused in his short life? Surely she will go to the beach with him! Find out, in "The Strong Harm of the Claw." (147 words)

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Fake Reviews for Val’s Fake Book

Mrs. Paul..."There's something fishy going on here! I was frozen in horror at some of the antics of Jimmy's mom. Let me mince no words: This fake author is like a square fillet on a round bun. She leaves me cold." 

Joe, reviewing from his office in his Crab Shack..."Boy, was I ever steamed when I fake-read this fake book! It's an insult to crabs! This fake author must be some kind of dungeoness who spends all her time in a dark basement."

Flipper..."Ek ek ek!" Translation: I'm a dolphin, you idiots! How can I fake-read a fake book? I'm too busy, trying to learn a new language called Clickety Click."

Hermit Crab..."I don't read a lot of books, but even I know that this fake author oughta just scrap the whole writing thing. If I was Thevictorian, I'd try to disappear off the face of the earth, and find somebody else's old home to move into for free. Oh, wait..."

Ant, taking a breather while moving a rubbertree plant..."I don't mean to sound discouraging, but who in the Not-Heaven told Thevictorian she could write? Anyone knows Thevictorian can't. She certainly has some high apple-pie in the sky hopes, when in reality she's a rotten apple not fit for a pie. Now excuse me. I need to get back to moving my plant."

Mrs. Edna Krabappel..."Thevictorian should be ashamed of herself. I have assigned her to write on the board 100 times: 'I will never write another fake book.' I hope she learns her lesson."

Pollyanna..."I don't like to be critical. I always try my best to see the bright side of things, and the positive qualities in people. But pardon me while I say, 'THEVICTORIAN SUCKS!'"

Crabs (yes, THAT kind)..."Thevictorian is like a plague upon the nation! We must stop her epidemic no matter what it takes. Be wary of what your friends are readying, people. Because once you pick up Thevictorian's fake book upon their recommendation, you are reading what THEIR FRIENDS were reading, who were recommending what THEIR FRIENDS were reading, and SO ON!"

4 comments:

  1. Val--Are you sure there was only ONE crab on the pillow? Or were there many crabs? If so, was the father--and his trips to stripper bars--involved in the gathering of these crabs?

    I loved your reviews, as usual. The one from Mrs. Paul was my favorite.

    Thanks for playing and for once, I think I posted mine before you got around to posting yours. (I'm on spring break, unlike your permanent spring break.)

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    1. Isn't one crab on the pillow ENOUGH, Madam?

      Glad to hear that Mrs. Paul reeled you in.

      Yes, you were done first THIS TIME! I was whipping up our Easter dinner that was served Friday evening promptly at 5:00.

      Thevictorians march to their own drummer.

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  2. This story will make you feel like you've got a case of the crabs. Scratch. Scratch!

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    Replies
    1. That might explain the low fake sales!

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