Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Kicking Hick To the Curb Requires a Superhuman Effort

See that? No, not the sweet little speckled pup in the foreground.


The green trash dumpster in the background. Out at the end of the driveway. Here. I'll zoom in for you. I was simply making a point that our curb is farther away than most.


Yep. That's as far as my phone will zoom. Perhaps it gives you an indication of the lengths we go to in order to have our trash carted away by a big noisy truck at 6:00 a.m. on Thursdays.

The trash dumpster used to be The Pony's responsibility, as it was Genius's before him. The filling and the transport of said dumpster is not too much to ask of a teenage boy. Not in Val's opinion. They're young and spry and only need to be reminded 10 or 12 times through the week to take a bag from the kitchen to the dumpster, and the dumpster to the curb, if we had one, by Thursday morning at 6:00.

Apparently, it's too much to ask of an adult man. Hick has been sorely derelict in his dumpster duties now that the boys are both gone. I don't mind taking out the kitchen trash whenever it's full. That's better than piling items like an unsanitary JENGA game while waiting for him to take it out. I do mind, though, taking a bag of trash to the end of the driveway. Hick took the dumpster up on the evening of August 24th, the week we returned from getting The Pony settled at college. AND LEFT IT. Left it there through Labor Day weekend, when pickup was a day later. Left it there, in fact, until Monday evening, September 12th. Uh huh. That was just this week!

I was sitting on the front porch pew, petting the dogs, having given them their evening snack while supper was cooking, when we heard Hick's car coming up the road. Yes. The dogs know which one is his. We were all surprised when it stopped momentarily upon entering the driveway. Then started again. Hick was holding the dumpster handle and pulling it alongside the car.

I call shenanigans!

If that's all he had to do, why did he wait three weeks to bring the dumpster back to the garage? He drives up the driveway every freakin' day! Let the record show that when the boys were small, Val took that dumpster up there herself, and brought it back after dumping. That was when her knees were young and spry, despite the two surgeries inflicted upon the left one in her younger and sprier days. She even used to walk this driveway for fun and exercise. Walked all around the front grounds, making a big loop across the barn field. But now her knees are gone. Val is not taunting Even Steven when she's home alone, walking up that uneven graveled drive with a yipping long doggie intertwining her feet and jumping on her heels like a middle-schooler trying to give his buddy a flat tire. In case you're not old enough, or haven't spent enough years hanging around a middle school, that's when you step on a kid's shoe heel and make him walk out of it. Jack does it quite a lot, when he's not in front of me jumping at my knees. I am leery of falling and having no one to rescue me.

Yes, Hick works a full time job while Val only hangs out at home, doing the same household chores as in days of yore. Forgive her for not wanting to dislocate a knee and lay in the driveway all day until Hick comes home (and possibly runs over her before noticing). I DID take out several bags of trash over the past couple weeks. I drove them to the end of the driveway and put them in the dumpster on my trips to town. Since Hick brought Dumpy back, I have taken out three bags. Not that Hick has noticed.

We really miss The Pony. I'm not quite ready to get rid of the only other human homestead occupant at this time. Check with me after December.

17 comments:

  1. Thanks for reminding me, mine goes out tonight...of course it is only about twenty yards to the curb.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I suppose I could do a weekly public service announcement. Not as a condition of parole or anything...

      Delete
  2. Oh, so you're assuming Hick will notice that he ran you over after he's run you over? You're figuring he will feel the "bump bump" and will decide that something tragic happened?

    Your husband must be a lot more observant than MY husband...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, Madam, you've got a point there. I think I will devote my next post to it. Because I can, and because life is moving as slow as Uncle Joe at the Shady Rest here at the homestead these days, with Val not working (for pay), and The Pony gone with the wind sweeping down the plains.

      Delete
  3. So now you know how to take the trash can top the curb, hitch it to your car. Hick might need to build a trailer to haul it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hush up about that trailer! We have the wood and the tires, but I'm in no mood to pay for an axle.

      Delete
  4. Mine is right in front of my house on the foot wide but of 'garden' before the pavement - all I need to do is pull it around facing the pavement on rubbish day. The recycling boxes however are in the back garden (for easy access from the kitchen) and SD takes them out THROUGH THE HOUSE dripping water as he goes (despite having made covers for them there is always a little water in the bottom from where stuff has been washed out). He could of course take them out of the back gate, down the lane and around to the front but then he'd have to go back out and lock the gate after so he prefers to leave a trail of water and god knows what else right through my kitchen, dining room and hall way (although, to be honest, I'd rather he did that too than take it out myself ...).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Recycling boxes? What kind of modern Utopia do you live in, anyway? Recycling is for town people around here. We can't even get cable TV. Or high-speed internet. Recycling is way down the list on the out-of-the-city planners' agenda. What the goats won't eat and what Hick can't burn or take to the scrap yard goes in the dumpster.

      Delete
  5. He was definitely testing to see if how long it might take you to cave and do it. Congratulations on having the stamina to hold out!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Just tonight, he had the nerve to say, "I did NOT let the dumpster sit up there for three weeks." I suppose he's invented his own special calendar.

      Delete
  6. On garbage day, our rubbish bins need to be carted a total of about 5 feet from where they normally sit. If I don't move them to the street, dude downstairs would just leave them until the rubbish is literally overflowing and crawling with bugs. (It's happened before; we went 3 weeks without the garbage being collected.)

    A day full of household chores is still work. And usually more than 40 hours per week. Just sayin'.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dude downstairs was waiting to see how long before you caved, I suppose. The bugs upped the ante. I would have caved by then as well.

      Thanks for the VALidation on my unpaid work!

      Hick makes a big deal about how he mows the yard/field, but that's only a few hours a week about 4 months a year (which he does by sitting on a machine and steering, mind you, which is really like playing, because he'd be riding his Gator instead of the mower, just for fun). Not 19/7/365. Okay, I'll correct that to 18/7/365, because I sleep about 6 hours a night, now that I'm not employed.

      Delete
  7. Yep, tomorrow is trash day and they come as early as 6:30 so I have to put out the can the night before.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Forget the public service announcements! I can get people to subscribe to my "reminder" service, and rake in the big bucks texting them at routine (or special) times! Of course I would give you a (slight) discount for turning on that light bulb over my noggin.

      Delete
  8. Now with all the tools Hick has and all the building experience he has and all the vehicles he has it seems like he could rig up some kind of dumpster transporter that wouldn't involve a lot of heavy lifting on either of your parts. Couldn't he?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He could probably build a little tram, and teach Puppy Jack to pull it. Two problems solved! Trash gone, and Jack with something to do besides (allegedly) crap on Hick's Toronado trunk, and chew the shingles off The Sword Shack.

      Delete