This week's fake book has legs. Figuratively. Not literally, like a coffee table book about coffee tables. Schools worldwide might want to purchase a classroom set for use when the real teacher is "sick" and the sub who rearranges the furniture and eats the reward candy from the bottom drawer and takes the kids for a walk around the building and tells dirty jokes has to be called in. To teach a lesson on always ending sentences with a preposition. Or in this case, perhaps, a proposition.
Everybody Nods -OR- Go the EFF to School
Finally, a textbook that teaches teachers how to get control of a class! Pass out this fake book to your students, and get ready to run down the hall for a cup of coffee, a corner slice of Teacher Appreciation Week sheet cake with buttercream icing, and a gossip session with your cronies. Don't worry about leaving students unattended. They'll be ASLEEP!
No need to slip them a mickey. No need to walk around the room bopping them with the wooden mallet that you accidentally picked up from the strong man bell-ringer booth at the Labor Day Picnic. No need to lecture on the phospholipid bilayer.
Put "Everybody Nods -OR- Go the EFF to School" on your requisitions next spring. It’s economical. Only a classroom set is needed. You don't want to check one out to every student to carry home. Then they would be sleeping there!
Order now! (149 words)
Fake Reviews for Val’s Fake Book
Rip Van Winkle…"Imagine my surprise when I awoke from a lengthy slumber to find this fake book clutched in my gnarled hand. I recommend it to husbands whose wife has a sharp tongue and meddling nature."
Grandpa Joe…”Thank goodness I was not reading this fake book to Grandma Josephine, Grandpa George, and Grandma Georgina while we were bedridden for the last 20 years! I fear that I would have slept right through Charlie's tour of the chocolate factory. I do highly recommend it, though, to that little Veruca Salt.”
Sleeping Beauty…”I was given this fake book as a gift. Unfortunately, as I thumbed through the pages, my finger was nicked with a paper cut. I immediately fell into a deep sleep. Lucky for me, a handsome prince was stalking me. His kiss revived me. I cannot recommend this fake book, because of the shoddy workmanship with the razor-sharp pages.”
Jean Paul, in New York to run the marathon…”Don't be bringin' me this fake book! I had planned on a little light reading to relax the night before my big race, and this fake book caused me to oversleep! Kids should get out and exercise, not be subdued into unconsciousness by a textbook.”
Snow White…”I heartily suggest that all school districts everywhere buy a classroom set of this fake book to use when a substitute is called in. It's as effective as a special apple in getting students to behave, and it's legal."
Those poppies in the Wizard of Oz field…”We are suing Thevictorian for a patent violation. There's no way her fake book could bring about such a deep level of sleep as our special ingredient."