Monday, June 13, 2016

You Know How Sometimes, You Could Swear This Has Happened Before?

It was deja vu all over again for Val this morning.

The Pony and I had several errands to run, one of them being the weekly shopping, so he was roped into helping. I had scarcely backed out of the garage when it hit me. Not the garage. I was careful about that, even though Hick has broken two mirrors off two different cars doing that very activity. For a moment, I was distracted. But I had already cleared the garage door.

But wait! I'm getting ahead of myself. Well...really...I'm NOT. But a story by Val cannot go straight from beginning to middle to end. So let's backtrack a bit.

Hick is gone to England/France/Germany again. He might even make it to Switzerland. He didn't give me his itinerary. Anyhoo...while that cat's away, this rat will play! I can stay up late without scolding! Sleep in as long as I like (if I put my phone someplace I can't hear it at 6:00 a.m.). So last night, I didn't go to bed until 3:00.

As I came up the steps from my dark basement lair, where I had been typing a letter to send Genius, I noticed a foul odor. Huh. What WAS that? Paper plates in the wastebasket that I'd used to cut up my onion? Two days ago, I had noticed something stinking in the kitchen. I was getting my Super Nachos ready for lunch. There was part of an onion I was waiting for The Pony to toss off the back porch. In fact, I had just called him up from the basement to do so, and to carry my bubba cup of ice, my bubba cup of water, and my 44 oz Diet Coke downstairs for me.

"Something doesn't smell very good. What IS that?" I sniffed at various ingredients for my Super Nachos. "The lettuce is a day from expiring. Maybe it's the lettuce that smells off. Or that onion." The Pony lent his flaring nostrils.

"Are you sure it isn't that shredded chicken?"

"I DID just microwave it. But it has so much salt and preservatives that it wouldn't be bad. Hm. It DOES smell kind of not-good. But it always smells like that. Maybe it's just the combination. I'm still eating this! I've spent 30 minutes making it. Now go throw out the onion ends." Don't worry about Val. The Super Nachos were delicious. As usual

Then yesterday, after my morning shower, which occurred around noon, I was walking through the living room, rounding the short couch, when I got a whiff of something unpleasant. Huh. I hope that isn't ME! I just took a shower, for crying out loud! I'm sure I washed everything. I even pulled out my shirt neck and sniffed down inside. Nope. Val didn't stink.

I forgot about it until last night. Or, you might say, early this morning. No need to go sniffing around at 3:00 a.m. I have all week for that. Besides, it would have to wait until later, because I had errands to run, and wanted to get an early start.

So there we were, having just backed T-Hoe out of the garage.

"Look, Pony. There's a turtle by your car. A big one."


"I hope I don't hit it, trying to get around your car."

"You won't. You would have to hit my car to hit that turtle."

"You know you could park under the carport while your dad's in France, right?"

"Uh huh. I might."

"Jack is going to love that turtle. It should be safe, though. I don't think he can get his mouth open far enough. But he'll bark at it."


"I see you're in the back seat again. Whatever happened to you riding--WHAT IS THAT SMELL?"


"YES! What is that STENCH? It can't be me! I just took a shower. It smells like...FEET!!!"

"Um. Yeah. It's my shoes--"

"We just bought you new flippers a year ago, because those old ones stunk so bad! I KNEW I'd smelled that odor before! And don't think you're going to start wearing the new pair I bought you for college last week."

"I think the problem is...I wear them around to the pool, and then when I get out, my feet are wet, and that makes the cushion part wet, and it doesn't dry out, and they stink."

"AGGGGG! I can't stand it!"

"So you don't want me to sit up there by you?"

"NOOOOO! I've got to put the windows down! That's TERRIBLE! And it's going to be 92 degrees today. I'm so hot already. This is not cooling off."

"Maybe you should put it on 'recirculate.' But that would only keep my foot smell in here with you. Oh, what to do, what to do?"

"I'm stuck with you now. But when we get back, I'm going to wash those shoes. Soak them! Then let them soak in plain water to get the soap out. THEN we're going to put them on the back porch in the sun. Maybe that will disinfect them and dry them out good."

Let the record show that The Stinky Express finished six errands without an unfortunate upchuck from Val. And that by the time we got home, I was so hot and bothered (NOT in a good way) that I did not feel like washing The Pony's shoes. He kicked them off where he usually does. By the stair banister at the end of the short couch, overlooking the basement steps.

"Get those things out of this house! I can smell them already. I KNEW the house smelled funny when I got home with my soda yesterday. Take them to the back porch, on that triangle corner where the cats lay up on the rail. So Jack can't get them." I wasn't so much worried about Jack tearing them up as about him taking on their smell.

Let the record further show that I sent The Pony to move those shoes a few minutes ago. "It might rain. They don't need to get wet. But don't bring them in the house. Put them in the garage. Or on that shelf on the porch with the fish food."

The Pony came back in declaring that they still smelled. "It's like feet and cats. The cats were laying on them."

I might just be rid of those cats sooner than I expected.


  1. Pony bowls, doesn't he know about the PBA's biggest sponsor? "Odor Eaters"

    1. The Pony took his senior year off from his Saturday bowling league, so he's out of the loop! But something tells me that the Odor Eaters might not work very well on those cushioned Adidas slides.

      It would be like hanging an air-freshener tree from the mirror of a convertible.

  2. Like you, I can't stand a sniff of foul odor in my dwelling! I am forced to investigate until I locate it. This why HeWho often "loses" his slippers and his wife buys him a new pair. He still wonders what happened to the old stinky pair. Happens a lot, but it is good that he does not dwell on things like I do.

    1. I am ashamed. Mystery, Inc. may revoke my honorary membership. I kept smelling that odor in the same general area, but assumed it was other stinky things. Even myself!

  3. I have some really bad news for you. They never lose that smell. My son had those stinky shoes. The minute I read this I gagged, remembering. A little charcoal insert maybe? Oh heck, just toss them out and buy him creek shoes.

    1. That's the problem. They ARE like creek shoes. Or what we used to call "thongs" (heh, heh) without the between-the-toe part. And with a cushion on the sole. That's what stinks.

      I pity his college roommate in advance.

  4. At least you were finally able to identify the smell. Reading your post made me wrinkle up my nose.

    1. That must mean you have smelled some stinky feet before!

  5. I just took a sniff of my cat and he doesn't stink. Maybe it's because you let your cats go outside. Our cats don't have that freedom.

    1. Our cats don't stink, either. That's just The Pony pretending his feet are not the problem!

      My favorite cat, the one on my blog header, smelled like powder. My favorite gambling aunt had been out to visit one day, and was playing (like that's possible) with the cats. The Pony always swore for years that this kitty smelled like Auntie's perfume.

      I guess it's like how people say their dogs' feet smell like Fritos. This cat smelled like powder. Then the neighbors stole her and kept her in the house.

      That's Hick's story, and he's stickin' to it.