Yesterday afternoon I received my work ID. It's not like we have to wear them around. No badges or lanyards. Val is a big fish in a shallow puddle. I think it's simply a courtesy of the picture-taking company. After all, they make us make the same poses as the kids. We might as well have something to distinguish ourselves.
An office worker brought them around. "Here, Mrs. Thevictorian. I've got your ID."
"Thank you! Look at it! It looks like me!"
I really wasn't trying to scare that little gal. We go way back. To last year.
"No! I mean, it's a lot better picture than on my driver's license. I'm really hoping that one DOESN'T look like me."
Oh, well. She had places to go and faces to hand out. So I stuck the ID in my pocket. After school, standing by my classroom door getting ready to leave, I remembered that ID.
"Hey, Pony. Look. I got my school ID."
"It doesn't look druggy at all!"
"Well, your grandma only said I looked like I'd been on an all-night drinking binge. Nothing about drugs. That driver's license is good until 2019! I wish they could put THIS picture on my driver's license. I happen to think it looks GOOD! Although I do look a little bit like your Aunt Sis. It's the angle of my head. That weird way she holds hers. I know it's not genetic. That photographer TOLD me to put my chin down--"
"Sh-sh-sh!"
"What?" I looked to the doorway and saw The Pony standing out in the hall, and one of my last year's students walking by. "I don't care if Mikey hears about my sister and the way she holds her head."
"SHHHHHHH." Mikey passed on by. "That's not what I was talking about. Um...'It doesn't look druggy at all?' That's why."
"Oh, you said that way before even got here. That's nothing."
Yep. Nothing. Compared to that horror-movie-esque wallet-size poster of a driver's license photo I have to carry around for four more years.
Those DMV cameras all have bubbles in their lenses.
ReplyDeleteThose DMV workers all have bubbles in their brains.
DeleteI can sympathize. In my Driver's license photo I look like Seinfeld's nemesis Newman.
ReplyDeleteHello...STEPHEN!
DeleteEvery picture that's taken of me ends up scary-looking. Let me know the name of the person who took the good photo of you. Perhaps they're a miracle worker? Perhaps they can take a decent one of me?
ReplyDeleteWait a minute! I do believe you are saying that it took a miracle worker to take a good photo of ME! I'm onto your tricks, Madam. I will take that secret to my gas-station-chicken-bone-littered grave!
DeleteAu contraire. Only a miracle worker--no less impressive than Annie Sullivan--could make ME look good in a photo.
DeleteIf I had a good photo on an ID I'd wear it ALL the time - even my friends delete photos of me in them from their phones ...
ReplyDeleteOoh! Maybe I can make a locket out of it! A really big, rectangular locket, so as not to besmirch the integrity of my work ID.
DeleteMy son genius put my picture on his phone for the sole purpose of showing his friends and having a laugh every time I called. Of course, he's family. Your photo must not be TOO bad, or your friends would keep it so they look good by comparison. Like girls keep a fat friend around so they look thin.
I look like MY grandma on mine.
ReplyDeleteI'll bet you're the bee's knees!
DeleteI have the most awful picture on my passport. Even the lady at the Post Office tried several times... let's try that again. Finally she said, oh forget it, we'll have to make this due. I look as sick as you've sounded and that thing is good for 10 years! ACK. Or my Sam's club photo that was taken the day I did have the flu and had no choice but to go to the store for my daughter and had to renew my card... that photo stays on every time the card is renewed. ACK again. Hope you're feeling better.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the get-well-wishes. I have made a miraculous recovery over the past two days. The last two days of my Z-pack, which I refused to take all six tablets of the first day as advised by Hick.
DeleteIf it hasn't been done, you and I should start a book of Awkward Driver's License/ID Photos. We could fill two chapters just with US!
Hey, just tell 'em you lost your license and you need a new one. Maybe they haven't got your picture on file. Or . . . maybe they do. Oh, well.
ReplyDeleteSee? That was my brilliant idea for all of ten minutes. Then I realized they would just reprint the picture they already had. It's a sad, sad day when Val can't outsmart the DMV.
Delete