Wednesday, September 30, 2015

The Backroads Version of Catch and Not-Quite Release

Hot off the press! The verdict is IN! Tuesday morning, I saw in the local online paper that my jury case was resolved. Are you ready for this?

OLD CRAZY EYES IS NOT GUILTY!

According to the hometown Backroads news, a jury deliberated LESS THAN AN HOUR before returning that verdict. Not guilty of two counts of assault on a law enforcement officer. Not many details, but apparently OCE is serving seven years for violation of his probation, which he got for possessing chemicals to make meth, a lab with such capabilities having been found in his self-owned business in 2011.

Also, in their search, police found in OCE's home: three handguns, two rifles and a shotgun. All replica models. Or "which appeared to be real until closer examination." Police also found four bottles of vodka and a bottle of whiskey. So...either toy guns are a violation of probation, or OCE was actually sent to the big house for liking his liquor. Against the rules of probation, you know. But seven years? I suppose that was the original sentence for the meth chemicals? And his violation caused him to serve the time?

Maybe that brandishing got the lawmen all riled up, and they threw the book at him.

I bet OLD CRAZY EYES really needs a drink right about now. At least he didn't have any more years added to his sentence for the assault.

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10 comments:

  1. joehSeptember 30, 2015 at 6:24 PM

    I would feel a bit safer for the next seven years.

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    Replies
    1. ValSeptember 30, 2015 at 7:37 PM

      You should feel REAL safe. It would take him even longer to get halfway across the country once he is released. And totin' those replica guns will surely slow him down. Not to mention the weaving he will do while walking under the influence of four bottles of vodka and one bottle of whiskey.

      Delete
  2. Sioux RoslawskiSeptember 30, 2015 at 7:27 PM

    Parolees are not supposed to drink?

    No guns.
    No crime.
    No illegal drugs.

    What are they supposed to do for fun?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ValSeptember 30, 2015 at 7:35 PM

      I suppose they are supposed to spend their time alternately flourishing and brandishing their CRAZY EYES!

      Delete
  3. CatalystSeptember 30, 2015 at 8:36 PM

    Please note that good old Catalyst was the first to pronounce old Crazy Eyes not guilty. Those eyes can't convict a man. Though I watched a tv program about Charles Manson today and I don't want that guy out of prison EVER, I don't care HOW old he is!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ValSeptember 30, 2015 at 10:58 PM

      So it seems that some CRAZY EYES are more equal than others...

      Delete
    2. joehOctober 1, 2015 at 8:31 PM

      I have my own theory about Crazy Eyes

      http://joeh-crankyoldman.blogspot.com/2012/07/crazy-eyes.html

      Delete
    3. ValOctober 2, 2015 at 8:40 PM

      Oh, yeah! Ol' Crazy Eyes Runaway Bride! And that Heaven's Gate Nike-wearing eunuch! They make Charles Manson look tame.

      Throw the book at the crazy-eyed, replica-gun-totin', would-be meth-maker!

      Delete
  4. stephen HayesSeptember 30, 2015 at 8:46 PM

    It sounds like this is a bad dude, and not guilty doesn't mean innocent. Still, probably a good thing he's serving time on that previous charge.

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    Replies
    1. ValSeptember 30, 2015 at 11:00 PM

      A meth-maker who likes to drink, perhaps, and shoot pellet guns...

      It's not like he dumped a headless body in a septic tank near my house. Or DID he?

      Delete

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