Thursday, December 11, 2014

Would a Juno, By Any Other Texture, Smell As Sweet?

But enough about my mom. We've been neglecting my sweet, sweet Juno!

Poor sweet Juno is discombobulated. We've been in and out, our schedules a bit off, what with tending to Mom's needs. So poor sweet Juno is never quite sure if we'll be right back, or if our outing will be an all-day affair. And more importantly: when is her next handful of cat kibble?

The Pony and I returned home from a trip to Mom's house Sunday morning. We had been liberating some frozen pecan halves and pieces for the upcoming Chex Mix extravaganza from her basement deep-freeze. Don't think of this as theft. Mom TOLD me to get them. My sister the ex-mayor's wife was picking up FRESH pecans at church for Mom that very day. So I suppose that puts Sis at value above a Five-Dollar Daughter.

The Pony and I came out of the garage to a playful Juno hopping and bopping to the Gimme Cat Kibble Rock. Ann stood steadfast, three feet away. There's no competing with Juno's hopping and bopping. As usual, I made my sweet, sweet Juno show me some puppy love before rewarding her kibble tooth. I sometimes hug her, sometimes say threateningly "JUUUUNOOOO!" until she sits down calmly. Then I give her a good petting, and tease her by asking, "What do you want? WHAT do you want? Does Juno want a SNACK?" And she starts hopping and bopping again while I fish out a fistful of cat kibble from the large black-and-white-spotted metal roasting pan that serves as the cats' food dish.

This particular Sunday, I stepping in to hug my sweet, sweet Juno...AND CAUGHT A WHIFF OF SOMETHING FOUL! Yes. My sweet, sweet Juno smelled a little...um...how you say...less than fresh.

"YUCK! You STINK!" I backed off. My sweet, sweet Juno swayed out over the edge of the porch, somewhat like a cobra weaving its head, trying to maintain our loving contact. I pushed her back by the usually-silky-shiny black ruff of her throat and chest.

IT WAS STIFF AND STICKY! Upon closer inspection, I observed a reddish tint.

"JUNO! You've been into something! Something DEAD!"

"I could have told you that. I saw her curled around it in the front yard as we came up the driveway. She was nibbling on it, but I couldn't tell what it was. Her body shielded it. Probably part of a deer."

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?"

"Eh. You didn't ask."

That Pony. He really is not at all interested in helping people.

Juno and I are currently taking a little break from each other. It's not me. It's her. She's a stinky mess. Maybe. I'm not going to check it out for a few days. She can lay in the sun and on her bed of cedar chips, and roll around in the grass for a while to dry-clean.

I'll take my chances with our lesser, cinnamon babka of a pet, the sturdy, course, shiny, not-so-bright Ann. She likes cat kibble too. And doesn't get so excited and foist herself on me.

Juno has been snacking from afar. And she doesn't seem to mind!

8 comments:

  1. Sweet, sweet Juno Stinky? I don't believe it, and I believe you can get a buzz from Jersey dirty water.

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  2. At least she doesn't smell as bad as Jerry's car. Or does she?

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  3. A good roll in doo-doo should eliminate the first smell. Or maybe a bath?

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  4. A bath in tomato juice works for de-skunking, they say. (And of course I forgot--I forgot to tip my hat to the Billy quote as the title...)

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  5. Poor Juno. She'd be lost without Momma's affection.

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  6. joeh,
    You'd better believe it, Bub. Or I'll bottle a whiff and send it your way by USPS certified mail, so you have to go to the Post Office and stand in line, where a beefy old man will jam his forearm between your buttocks and chuckle.

    Then you'll REALLY need a dirty-water cocktail.

    *****
    Sioux,
    It's not BO. Not the smell that Jimmy has after Jimmy works out in his wide-soled jumping shoes. Not bad enough to toss Juno's collar to a street bum and donate her to solve the problem.

    *****
    Linda,
    Juno is not a typical dog. She has not yet rolled in doo-doo, nor have I caught her with her nose up another dog's butt. A cat's butt, yes. But no canines.

    I still have the mane and tail shampoo, but the weather is too cool to soak Juno right now.

    *****
    Sioux,
    A little vodka in tomato juice with a dash of Worcestershire sauce makes a Bloody Mary, they say. And Billy says Val is a true renaissance woman.

    *****
    Stephen,
    She be lost about as far as the distance between herself and the cat kibble.

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  7. No nice warm bath with scented dog shampoo, specially formulated for dry skin? Then a warm towel and a long sit in your lap as you rub her dry? So, are my dogs spoiled?

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  8. Kathy,
    Um. I would have to declare that your dogs are loved no more than mine, but that they receive a larger share of pampering than my stinky, stinky Juno.

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