T-Hoe Clings to Life

Poor T-Hoe just can't catch a health break. So soon after being resuscitated with an OIL CHANGE and suspension gewgaws and new spark plugs... another issue has come to my attention! It was on Friday, on my way home from errand day. I saw all the normal red lights and scrolling warnings, but above the gas gauge, something caught my eye.

"Hey. What is that gauge above the gas? It goes from 0 to 80, and has a picture of something like a drippy watering can. The needle doesn't move. Shouldn't it be going about halfway when the car is running? And not just sit on ZERO?"

"I don't know. Are you talking about the oil pressure? It should be moving, yes. I'll go out and have a look."

Hick grabbed T-Hoe's key and went to the garage. Came back a few minutes later.

"It should be alright. Maybe just a bad sensor. It starts up and it isn't missing. So you're getting oil pressure."

"Won't it break down? I don't want to get stranded in town! You don't always answer your phone."

"It's fine. You won't break down. It must be the sensor. I'll have Mick look at it next week. After he's back from vacation, and I get my truck heater fixed."

Well... if Hick says so. I made it to town and back on Saturday without a problem.

Hick Is Not Afraid to be the Rumpushole

I was apprehensive Friday afternoon when Hick brought in the mail. There was an envelope from the city. It was Sis-Town. Where The Pony's house is located, and another lot we own. Both having generated notices to Hick previously that he was not taking care of the upkeep. Even though homes around them were falling down, and weeds higher than those Hick had just mowed the day before the letter. You may recall that one notice was because somebody kept throwing plastic tea bottles on the lot, with Hick having no idea they were there, not regularly driving by that location.

Anyhoo... I told Hick, "I wonder what you've done wrong NOW?" 

The letter had our names on the envelope, but inside, it started with To Whom It May Concern. The subject was:

_______________________________________________________________

Notice of Hearing for Planning and Zoning Case BLAH BLAH BLAH

According to the land records obtained from the county assessor's office, you are a property owner adjacent to the property listed below. Therefore, you are being notified of a hearing to be held before the Sis-Town Planning and Zoning Committee to consider the following:

Case BLAH BLAH BLAH, a request to vacate a portion of an alley adjacent to lots C,D,E,F & G, and a portion of an alley between lot Z and the railroad property.

This meeting will be held at [City Headquarters] on January 8 at #:00 p.m. in the council chambers.

_______________________________________________________________

I asked Hick if he knew where this address was. 

"Yeah. It's there by the tracks. Where that guy has his driveway on MY PROPERTY!"

Oh, sweet, sweet serendipity! 

This is NOT the same city where we had requested a variance in order to split the Double Hovel flip house(s) for ease of re-sale. Where we were denied our variance, even though none of the property owners within a two-block radius showed up after Hick hand-delivered notices of the hearing and proposal to them. But it's the same kind of process. And HICK WANTS HIS VOICE TO BE HEARD!

"I've got a good mind to go there and tell them, "I don't really care if he uses this alley for his back driveway. He's been doing it for a while now. And he has his front driveway ON MY PROPERTY! The property I've paid taxes on for over 35 years, and he just uses it like he owns it, and has refused my offer to sell it to him. I'm still paying the taxes. It seems like he's allowed to do whatever he wants in this city, and nothing I say will have any effect on this variance. I'd just like to know why he can get away with this."

"Heh, heh! You've got enough enemies in city government there already! This isn't going to help their opinion of you! But I understand."

I don't imagine that Hick will get so carried away that he will be carried away and locked up. He'll speak his mind. Gladly assume the mantle of Rumpushole. And no doubt get under that owner's skin in the process.

After all, that's Hick's goal... it doesn't pay to be a rumpushole to Hick.

Val Is Feeling Unseen

Unseen and unheard! Like a child in the '50s and '60s, only not SEEN as well as not heard. Like an invisible woman in the Twilight Zone. As if I don't exist.

On Thursday, I sent a text to Genius. It was a question about getting those winning Pennsylvania scratchers back to him for redemption and payout. Not that I care so much, having won only $10. But it matters to The Pony with an $80 win, and especially to miser Hick, with his $150.

Anyhoo... this text was sent at NOON:36. That would be 1:36 Pittsburgh time. I did not feel it was being intrusive. I don't text Genius often. Less that once a month, and always with a specific purpose. He generally responds within minutes or a couple hours. But this time, there was nothing. I didn't try again. It WAS New Year's Day. Maybe he had plans to go out to some swanky restaurant. Surely he was not still sleeping off New Year's Eve. Yet when I checked my phone the next morning, my text was still UNREAD.

I shrugged off my invisibility, figuring I would just go ahead with my plan on returning those lottery tickets. If Genius had a better plan, then he should have VALidated my attempt by at least reading the text, and proposing something else.

Meanwhile, I called The Pony, since our Errand Day had been shifted to Friday, because of the holiday. I wanted to confirm the time I was stopping by. I considered 9:15 a reasonable time. Not too early to call. And it was during a commercial of my show, My True Crime Story, about Yonus Davis and Canadian Football and Molly.

The Pony did not answer. My call went to voicemail. I tried again at 10:00. Voicemail. Well. If Pony was out driving somewhere, doing other errands before our afternoon plans, of course I wouldn't want distracted driving just to answer me. I sent a text at 10:45.

Aha! I got an answer within minutes. The Pony had been soaking in a jetted-tub bath, with phone on the charger in another room. So it turns out I was NOT invisible after all.

Which was further VALidated when Genius sent a text at 11:02, approving my ticket plan, and saying, "Sorry, busy day yesterday with a friend in town."

Whew! That was close. I was starting to feel like I was the last woman on earth.

Who's Cheatin' Whom?

Hick had an attack of conscience on New Year's Eve. It had nothing to do with the holiday. 

"I just realized that I shorted Old Buddy when I paid him this afternoon. He didn't say nothin'. I called him a few minutes ago, and told him I'll pay him tomorrow."

"Was that some trick to make sure he works with you on New Year's Day? He's probably out celebrating tonight."

"He might be. And he might still call in tomorrow. But I felt bad that I shorted him. I wanted to let him know that it wasn't on purpose, and I'll pay him."

The next morning, Hick had not heard anything from Old Buddy. So assumed he was coming to work as usual. But his mind on Old Buddy raised a question.

"I had a box of brads in the back of my truck. I'm pretty sure that Old Buddy threw it away when we went to the dump. It was only half full. But I can use them. I think he threw it away with the trash, instead of putting it in our bucket with the tools and equipment."

I guess I'll find out when Hick gets home this evening... I'm also curious if the trip to the dump was before or after Hick shorted Old Buddy on his payday.

Just a LIttle Trim for Bargain House

Work on Bargain House continues. The lipstick is doing this little pig a big favor. On Monday, Hick sent pictures of his latest progress.

The old glass-paned kitchen door that leads to the laundry room/back entrance has been painted. It just needs trim, which I think will be white. Black was considered, but that might be too much of a contrast. I'm pretty sure it got a new doorknob, too.

The ceiling is painted, and the area above the cabinets has been covered with flooring. I thought Hick was going to just paint it white, but I like the flooring there. It looks more like a kitchen, and less like an operating room, heh, heh. There's the space for the new stove and refrigerator.

The new stove and refrigerator, which are currently cooling their tiny metal feet in the living room, awaiting their grand entrance. You can see where Hick was putting the black trim along the ceiling and the backsplash/counter. He ran out, and had to paint some more.

Hick is slowly learning. Here, he said, "All trim in." And on the first three pictures, he said, "Kitchen painted and almost trimmed."

The flooring is now in progress. Most of the kitchen is done, but Hick ran out of flooring, and had to order another box. It should be here next week. Lowe's doesn't stock this gray flooring, which is the same as what Hick put above the cabinets.

The kitchen has turned out nicer than I expected.

Three Heads Are Better Than None

Hick is a man outstanding in his field. More accurately, Hick was, last week, a man out standing in his field. Literally. I'm not sure what he was doing. Maybe putting junk on his burn pile. In any case, our next-field neighbor saw Hick, and stopped. By "stopped," I mean he drove through the ditch and down into the BARn field to talk to Hick.

"Neighbor asked if I wanted three deer heads. He's had them hanging on his living room wall, and his wife said she's ready to get rid of them. He doesn't know of anyone who might use them, so he offered them to me. I told him sure I'll take 'em!"

"For nothing? He just GAVE them to you?"

"He don't need 'em. He asked for $100 for them. I said okay. I'll put one in my shop, and hang the other two in my other shop. Somebody'll want 'em. I can get $100 apiece for them. Maybe more. Depends on who wants them."

"Well, that's good for you. At least somebody will have a use for them. A head is a terrible thing to waste."

Hick has long had a love of deer heads. When the kids were young, that's what The Pony wanted to give Hick for Christmas one year. It didn't hurt that Hick had said he wanted this particular deer head, which was at an indoor flea market/thrift store he frequented. A guy working there had to carry it out for us. Then Genius helped hide it in the BARn until Christmas. I think Hick put that one down in his creekside cabin. And was disappointed a couple years later to see that mice had eaten the skin off of it!

Anyhoo... I'm sure Neighbor's deer heads were ones that he himself had harvested. He's a big hunter, with regular guns, black powder rifles, and bows. I imagine they came right here off his land or ours. He has a standing invitation to hunt on our property.

Yesterday evening, on my way home from town, I slowed down to watch four deer on another neighbor's property. Imagine my surprise when I looked up and saw three more crossing the gravel road and walking into our own woods. Seven at a time is the most I've seen. They were all does, not a buck among them. Several of them hang out in our front yard, and drive my little dog Jack crazy. They will not heed his bark.

Hick had also allowed one of his buddies to come out here to hunt this year. He said he saw four, but he could not entice them off the neighbor's field and into ours. Somebody must have gotten one recently, because Hick caught Jack with a rib cage on the front porch. Right now it's black powder season, and also bow season. Somebody needs to thin the herd, so they won't slowly starve through the winter.

Hick is not a hunter, but he won't turn down a deer head.

The Christmas Feast Photos

Nothing fancy about Thevictorian Family Christmas. Just the foods everybody likes, and a rudimentary place setting. It looks like this year, we were lucky to get a select-a-size paper towel, and ONE utensil, heh, heh. I think The Pony was the table-setter, with Friend as a partner in crimes against etiquette. Everybody had mostly the same foods on their plate.

We'll start with The Pony, who was also the photographer, and showed TWO views.

Looks like a ham and swiss and pepperjack on brioche with mayo and whole grain mustard, and hash brown potatoes, roasted veggies, stuffing, and potato salad. I do NOT see deviled eggs! A favorite of The Pony. Then again, The Pony's palate prefers them room temp. So maybe some were waiting elsewhere.

That's a custom-made salad from The Pony's own hands. A bagged crunchy Italian mix, with shredded mozzarella, boiled egg, Caesar dressing, and fried onion crispy thingies. I see The Pony was also blessed with a butter knife, and not just a fork. That's rum and Coke for the beverage.

Next we have the plate of Friend, who seems to like the basics.

That's a good-looking sandwich, unlike The Pony's, which barely had any ham. Also hash brown potatoes, roasted veggies, stuffing, and Sister Schubert's Rolls. On the plate, no less, unlike The Pony, who eats them right out of the pan, having a separate pan designated as such. There's some of the 7-layer salad.

Genius made good use of his plate:

The sandwich on brioche seems to be a secret, though I might detect some bacon sticking out. Two deviled eggs, a couple of baby carrots, potato salad, hash browns, roasted veggies, and stuffing. Genius's salad is a 6-layer version! I made it alongside the 7-layer, leaving out peas. Rather than the mayo on top of a 7-layer, Genius prefers to add Caesar dressing. Just ice water to drink.

Hick had the messiest plate. Are you surprised?

Hick took his ham straight, not diluted by a sandwich. Hash browns, stuffing, veggies, potato salad, deviled eggs. I hope he spun that plate around for eating, since the right side looks like a trap waiting to get all over Hick's hand when cutting the ham.

I got a full plate's worth this year.

I went for a half-sandwich on Nutty Oat bread. Hash browns, veggies. a deviled egg, a slice of summer sausage and one of Oberle cheese that were left from snacking during our preparation time making the 7-layer salad. Some cauliflower and broccoli with dip. Potato salad. And my favorite, the 7-layer salad.

Again, dessert pictures were forgotten. It was Oreo Cake, but you're seen a picture of that before. Everybody had a good feed. Hick and I are still on the leftovers. The ham will go a few more days, but I've frozen a bunch of the rest. Hick is having the last two deviled eggs tonight. The Pony took home a bunch of leftovers. Genius and Friend took some cake.

Part of the larger dishes remain in FRIG II. Once we finish with the salad and veggies and hash browns tonight, I'll be getting them washed up as well. Then I have a breather until Super Bowl Sunday.