And Just Like That, Even Steven Comes Sniffing Around

Too soon! Too soon! It's my own fault. I just HAD to share how I've been having a good run of luck lately. Now Even Steven has appeared to settle the score.

Tuesday, I did my errands which are regularly on Thursdays. That's because we are going out for a Mother's Day dinner. My first stop was the bank, where I take out our weekly cash allowance. Real money spends slower than plastic money, you know! I've bemoaned the loss of the drive-thru window since LAST OCTOBER. The bank's excuse always being that they don't have enough personnel to have the drive-thru open. It's only three lanes! And they could just have one of them open, not all three. You know, for lazy bad-kneed people such as Val who prefer to sit on their ample rumpuses, rather than stand while waiting.

Anyhoo... I parked T-Hoe in the handicap space, which is way down past the end of the building. There were only two cars parked out front, a white truck and a metallic SUV. What I saw when I hobbled through the door made my blood curdle.

SIX YOUNG LADIES in one line, and a Dude holding a green plastic woven basket full of money in the other line. Let the record show that only ONE teller was working. She had the line of six YLs. Dude was to the right of the door, leaning his back against the window wall of the vestibule. He had just asked the YLs if they were all together. I suppose to question whether he would be the next served, or if one of them would step over to the teller currently fiddling behind a NEXT REGISTER sign. The YLs answered in unison that they were all together, doing the same thing.

The YLs were tall, athletic-looking, 18-20, maybe. They reminded me of a college team that might have just gotten paid for hosting a camp or something. As I waited, I saw that each would put a check on the counter, sign something, and get money. I suppose they were cashing their checks. One was asked if she had her debit card with her. I don't think they were opening accounts.

Anyhoo... the NEXT REGISTER gal took a drawer and left to the safe. But a different gal came out of a back room and opened up that slot, while another lady closed herself in a back office with glass walls. Dude stepped up and said he was making a deposit.

"It's already counted."

"I'll have to put it through the money counter anyway."

Well. Great. I had picked the very worst time to show up at the bank. Who knew that the YLs had come in a clown car! And that somebody would bring in a basket of money! I leaned my ample rumpus against the glass wall of the vestibule vacated by Dude, and wondered whether I should just leave and come back. I had walked the length of the building already. Surely it couldn't take THAT long to count Dude's money.

Hear that? It's Even Steven, chuckling like Muttley.

I heard the money counter whizzing through the first of Dude's four bundles of bills. They were bound with paper, like when The Pony won his jackpot at the casino. I don't know how much money this was, but they were sizeable bricks. I'm guessing maybe 1000 bills in each one. You know, they had to be carried in a little basket.

Anyhoo... that money counting machine kept making a beep every now and then. The Teller would sigh. I guess she had to keep putting them back through, starting over. Meanwhile, two of the YLs did their business, and sat down in the chairs in the small lobby area, along with the lady who had driven them there. AND a man and woman who came in after me. I did not want to risk losing my turn, so I stood, marking my claim on being next after Dude. Another woman came in, and stood beside me.

The Teller came back to the front, and told Dude, "I'm going to need to hand-count this. You have a few $2 bills mixed in with the ones. Do you have a total you thought you were depositing?"

"Oh. I didn't know there were $2 bills in there! I had a total of $3,986."

"I will need you to verify this as I count them out in front of you."

I was ready to pull out my lovely lady-mullet upon hearing this! But I was already there. I didn't want to walk out and then come back. My knees were making that grindy sound every time I shifted. Twenty minutes had passed! The YLs got done before Dude. I'm sure the other customers were cursing me as I hobbled to that slot for my cash withdrawal.

This is where Even Steven almost passed out from wheezy-laughing so hard.

"I really miss your drive-thru."

"Oh. It's open! It opened last week. I just don't think anybody knows it yet."

"You mean if I would have driven around back today, I would have seen the green arrows?"

"Uh huh."

"Well, it's not like you have enough people here to wait on the drive-thru."

"Oh, I would have eventually gone over there. Just push the buzzer."

ALL THAT STANDING FOR NOTHING!!! I could have been ample-rumpusing, rather than standing! At least I'll know for next week.