You Can Put Lipstick on a Pig, But You Can't Change a Leopard's Spots

Hick has a convenient way of getting out of helping me carry in groceries. A variety of ways, to be exact. Sometimes he delays his return home from town. Sometimes he is conveniently over at the BARn, where the phone won't work. Or sitting in his recliner, where the phone also doesn't work. Of late, he had the advice of the radiologist telling him not to lift over 10 pounds. However... the surgeon he consulted said he could lift what he felt like, and not make the disc issue any worse. And for the past two days, he has been installing a garage door (given to him by my best old ex-teaching buddy Mabel) over in his Freight Container Garage.

Given these facts, I don't feel it was unreasonable to expect some help with the groceries.

When I left for town, SilverRedO was at the Freight Container Garage. When I returned home with the groceries, SilverRedO and the Gator were both parked under the carport. Meaning that Hick was inside the house. The dogs gamboled about the yard, barking at the top of their lungs, as usual, signaling my return. Yet no Hick appeared to help.

I gathered up the six bags and one 12-pack of canned soda, but left the three 6-packs of Hick's soda in T-Hoe's rear. No rush. He still had some in FRIG II. I put the groceries on the metal chair on the side porch that I use for such purpose, the one Hick moves inconveniently every time he grills, and forgets to put back. Then I went back to close the garage door, and get my purse and water bottle out of T-Hoe.

As with moving the bags from car to porch, it took me two trips to get them into the kitchen, once I had climbed the porch steps.

"Don't worry, I've got all the groceries in now!"

"Oh. Do you need help with the groceries?"

"No. That's why I said I've got them all now. What are you eating, candy?"

"Yes. I just got a piece."

"Several pieces, I guess. You've moved the containers where I can't set the groceries on the table."

I proceeded to give the dogs their treat, and then put the groceries away.

"Don't worry. I've got all the groceries put away now."

"Oh. Did you need help?"

"You know I just carried them in. I TOLD you!"

"I didn't know you were going to the store."

"Last night I sat right there on the couch and TOLD you I was going."

"Well, for you, 'going to the store' might mean you're doing a week's shopping, or getting one thing."

"I listed all the stuff I was getting, so you'd know what suppers were coming up, and then I asked if you wanted anything."

"Huh."

"You only hear what you WANT to hear."

I went back to the kitchen after changing out of my town clothes. To wash dishes. I hollered to the living room to Hick, to ask when he was starting his bath water. It uses the whole water heater full, and I wanted to get hot dishwater first.

"Hey, when are you starting your bathwater?"

"What? Who are you NOW, Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde?"

What in the NOT-HEAVEN? We've been married 33 years. How could Hick possibly think I have a single drop of kindly Dr. Jekyll in me?