The Long and Icing Road

Having failed to escape our compound in SilverRedO, Hick "offered" to drive T-Hoe to town for my Christmas grocery shopping.

Having heard the forecast, I had conveniently put T-Hoe into 4WD Auto when I parked him the day before. That's like an all-wheel-drive car, I think. If a tire spins, the 4WD kicks into action. Don't quote me. I'm not a gearhead. Anyhoo...Hick backed T-Hoe out of the garage, and we started down the driveway.

"You can put him in 4WD now that you're done turning the wheels. While we're still in the driveway."

"Already did. When I was stopped after backing out."

"No. You're not supposed to do that. You're supposed to be rolling in T-Hoe. It says so in the owner's manual."

"Val. You lock into 4WD while you're stopped."

"NOT with T-Hoe! I read the book, because I don't know anything about cars. Way back when we got him. I've driven T-Hoe for years, in snowstorms, getting early dismissal from school, and I KNOW how to put him in 4WD! It's just a little turny button. Not like he's a WWII JEEP with lockout hubs or something. I know the wheels are suppose to be rolling."

"Ha ha. Sure you do."

Here we go, fresh out of the driveway. The road so slick that even the animals avoided it, and left their tracks beside it.

Our stimulating conversation was cut short as we reached the bottom of Hick and Buddy's Badly Blacktopped Hill, and saw Neighbor Jim on his Gator-thing (that Hick said didn't belong to him, but rather to a visitor). NJ was watching the Bad-Hay-Baling Lawyer's Wife trying to get up the curved hill toward the mailboxes in her white SUV. Even I could tell that she wasn't getting up that icy hill today.

Hick swove T-Hoe left, and headed up the other road toward HOS's (Hick's Oldest Son's) former residence. We had no problem at all. T-Hoe is THAT good. I've never had an issue with him in inclement weather. Once we hit the blacktop, the roads were surprisingly passable. Hick took T-Hoe out of 4WD, back into Auto. Without stopping, I might add...

When the errands were over, we were on our county blacktop road, the one we hadn't taken to town due to the B-Baler's Wife. About which Hick had stated, "I took the other way because I didn't want to stop and help Neighbor Jim get her up that hill."

Anyhoo...this road is always one of the last ones to melt down. There were large patches of ice on it. I asked Hick if he'd put T-Hoe back in 4WD.

"No. Don't need it."

"You might not right here, but going up that hill where you had the county put your BUS STOP sign might be hard. It melts last."

"I'll find out when I get there."

"Oh, sure. Wait until you need it, and try to do it while you're slipping. Or off the road in a ditch, like that time a little compact car ran me off. I sure was glad T-Hoe had 4WD that day! Drove right out."

"I know how to drive, Val."

"Well, we sure don't want to put on the 4WD 30 seconds before we need it! We might wear it out! Who are you, my MOM? What are you saving it for?"

"Heh, heh. Your mom DID resist putting her TrailBlazer in 4WD."

"LOOK! It's covered. You need 4WD."

"We're not slipping. It will kick in if we need it."

"You are SO hard-headed! When is a better time to use the 4WD, that you paid EXTRA for, than in weather just like this?"

By now we were back on our gravel road along the creek. Slipping all over the place in icy ruts. Still not in 4WD.

"What are you saving that 4WD for? For when we trade T-Hoe? So you can say it works? We need it now, to get down that hill where the lawyer's wife was stuck. EVEN YOU couldn't make it up that hill today. So it will be slick going down, too!"

"I couldn't get up it because my truck tires are thinner than these Tahoe tires. And my truck isn't as heavy. Even though it has 4WD."

"Are you SURE it has 4WD?"

"Yes, Val. I'm sure."

"Does it even work? Heh, heh! Maybe you're like my mom, and just THINK it works! When all that time, it didn't! And now we feel bad about teasing her."

"Well, that's true. Your poor mom. The first time I drove that car to work, and tried to pull out on the highway, and it did nothing but spin, I thought: 'Something is definitely wrong with this 4WD.'"

"We believe you NOW, Mom!"

No ladybugs swirled from the vents, and a rain of pennies did not pelt T-Hoe's roof. But I like to think that Mom heard me. Hick chuckled, and put T-Hoe in 4WD (without stopping).

"Yeah. We believe you now."

As we crested that gravel hill to start down the other side, we saw that somebody had plowed it down to the mud. We made it down, and up Hick and Buddy's Badly Blacktopped Hill, without incident. Back on the level ground, going up the tire tracks in our driveway, I asked Hick if he'd taken T-Hoe out of 4WD.

"Not yet. I might need it."

I'm pretty sure he's trying to enrage me so he can claim self-defense when he eventually sends me to my demise.