Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday #69 "I Am Ray Don, Hear Me Roar"

Blog buddy Sioux is hosting Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday. I have 150 words to convince you to fake-buy my fake book. This week's fake book gives you a peep peek into the life of a self-made, self-important man. He's the universe's gift to womankind. Don't take a chance on Val selling out before you can lay hands on your own tome. Pour a stiff drink and settle down for some alone time with this exercise in self-admiration.

I Am Ray Don, Hear Me Roar

Ray Don never lets a pretty lady sit alone. Whether in a restaurant, airplane, casino, or free clinic, he's right there beside the little gal, keeping her company. Protecting her. Entertaining her with tales of his greatness. Ray Don is too much man for one woman. He prefers to spread himself around.

Back in 1991, Ray Don followed a couple of gals to the Grand Canyon. Actually, he got there first. Good thing! Those pretty ladies must have had a brake malfunction on their convertible, because just as Ray Don spotted them, and they him...that T-Bird shot right over the edge! Ray Don didn't even bother to cover himself after his nude tanning session.

"C'mon back, honeys! Ray Don's here for you!" He could see them lodged in foliage that jutted out from the cliff.

Will Thelma and Louise accept the lifeline Ray Don lowers them to pull themselves up?
(150 words)

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Fake Reviews for Val’s Fake Book

Eagle, flying over the Grand Canyon as Ray Don attempts a rescue..."My EYES! This is animal cruelty! If the fake book is half as disturbing as this sight, it should be burned by PETA! Oh, of all the times to have EAGLE EYES, this is definitely not one of them."

Buck Naked, noted pr0n star..."I would drape myself in velvet, even if it wasn't socially acceptable. I would change my name to George. But I WON'T recommend this fake book!"

Peter Johnson..."Are you yankin' my crank? You call THIS a fake book? That's half right. There's no way I'm up to reading one more page of this trash! It should be banned!"

Birthday Suits everywhere..."We are embarrassed. Not since The Emperor's new clothes has such a scam been perpetrated upon the public. The pages of this book are as bare of plot as Thevictorian's soul is of common decency."

Sunburn, and his BFF Exposure..."Were our faces red when we heard about this fake book! There are plot holes bigger than water blisters after an unprotected day in the desert. Let the record show that we were NOT consulted by Thevictorian, or her fact checker."

The 1970s..."We're calling, and we want our popular fad back. Suuuure Ray Don was sunbathing. Call it what it really was, Thevictorian! That's your era! There was even a song about it!"

Limestone, Sandstone, and Shale..."Our faith in humankind, just like our very foundation, is eroding after reading this fake book. Only much, much faster. Thevictorian and her fake books are wearing thin on everybody."

Colorado River..."Please pardon my cutting remarks, but Thevictorian will never be able to carve out a niche for her fake books. She cannot sink any lower. Her chances to go mainstream are rapidly running out. And I can't say that I give a dam."

Eons..."No amount of time can shape Thevictorian into a writer."

Roadrunner..."I am a creatuer of few words. You can quote me on this. My review of this fake book is 'BLEEP BLEEP!'"

Wile E. Coyote..."What Thevictorian needs is a shipment of ACME Book Distribution Materials. I hear that package is dynamite!"