Remember how the overly-territorial Val was compared to Columbo after the last several posts? Because she refuses to let intruders loll about her private road all willy-nilly, dumping limbs and headless bodies and traveling meth labs and old refrigerators? And how she decided she might take up a second career as a private investigator upon retirement? Spurring Valumbo's witty commenters to declare that Val would, indeed, make a good private dick?
No good joke goes unpunished, it seems. Karma and Even Steven must have stayed up mighty late planning this special comeuppance for Valumbo. Seriously. You wouldn't believe me if I didn't show you proof. It's just TOO coincidental. EmBee and all of Mailbox Row are blushing.
FEAST YOUR EYES ON THIS:
Yeah. That's right. It's a big ol' peen painted on the county road! Right in front of the turn-off to our gravel road. Yep. The universe conspires to tell Val she really IS a d*ck!
It can't be the silver car intruders. They were seen on Tuesday evening, and The Pony saw the peen on Monday evening. He didn't bother to tell me until we were already way up on gravel. It was dusk when we stopped for the mail, and I didn't notice it at all.
"Mom. Did you see what was on the road back there?"
"No. Something dead? A skunk? A possum?"
"Uh. No. It wasn't an animal. It was a...you know..."
"A PEEN? Someone drew a peen on the road?"
"Uh huh. A big one."
"Well, I didn't see it."
"How could you MISS it?"
"I don't know. It's almost dark. And I really have to go to the bathroom. I'm not thinking about peens on the road."
So on Tuesday, I was too enthralled with the new intruders and making notes for my future dick files to notice the peen when The Pony got the mail. Wednesday I came home alone because The Pony had to stay after for an inventor club thing, and I was thinking about that uncaught murderer upstate, who I later learned was caught. And this morning, The Pony asked me after I was on the county road, up over the hill from Mailbox Row.
"Didn't you see it, Mom?"
"No! I keep forgetting. Why didn't you remind me when we were stopped there while I put on my seatbelt? Oh. I forgot to put on my seatbelt! There!"
"I though you would see it! It was RIGHT THERE when you turned to look for traffic."
"Well...I was looking for TRAFFIC. Not a peen."
This afternoon, I came home alone again, because The Pony had a scholar match at another school. And I consciously looked for that peen. Boy howdy! That is one big peen! It's not a very good photo, I'm afraid.
Do you know how hard it is to take a good picture of a road peen?
I took three shots, and this, sadly, is the best one. I was afraid somebody was playing private dick in the underbrush, and might jump out and take a picture of me taking a picture of a peen! Maybe the pavement peen art was rendered by the Dismemberers, because they did not like me interrupting their cedar trimmings dump they had planned. Or maybe it's not even for Valumbo, just a random road peen.
However, it seems to egocentric Val that somebody is trying to tell her she really is a d*ck.
Not a very convincing "peen." (Never heard that expression.) But I will say the person who did this is no artist.
ReplyDeleteSo refreshing to hear you say a 10-foot peen is not very convincing...
DeleteStephen could draw a much better dick. To me it looks like a dog bone.
ReplyDeleteI hope he doesn't give a man at the mall his card, and ask him to pose!
DeleteDog bone? Are you insinuating that a VALedictorian does not know the difference between a peen and a dog bone?
I agree with Joeh. I mean, I can't attest to Stephen's self-portrait abilities but to me, it looks more like a dog bone than a "peen."
ReplyDeleteSure. Because people in Backroads sneak around painting dog bones on the roads all willy-nilly. Perhaps you and Joe H should brush up on your peens...
DeleteHeh heh. Yup, I think that's irony. Or a dog bone.
ReplyDeleteRoad peen/dog bone...I guess y'all are trying to tell Val that if she takes a Rorschach Test, it will indicate that she's obviously inclined to be a practicer of the world's oldest profession, and not a Sarah-McLachlan-esque singer supporting the ASPCA.
DeleteDo you get a lot of random road peens where you live?
ReplyDeleteTwo or three a year. Depends what you call A LOT. Apparently, Val gets more road peen than the seven people who have commented so far!
DeleteYep, Stephen, y'all had better get your ownself down there to Miz-UR-ah and teach them hillbillies a thing or two about drawin' peens.
ReplyDeleteWho knew that my readers were such critics and connoisseurs of peen art?
DeleteYes. Thank you so much for calling in help. We're so backwards that we can't even draw a peen that doesn't look like a dog bone. We'd kick your a$$ at meth-making, though!
I thought it was a dog biscuit.
ReplyDeleteWhich probably says a lot about why you won the Erma Bombeck contest, and Val did not!
DeleteNobody draws road peens on my road ..... or dog bones, but a bone is a bone .....
ReplyDeleteA bone is a bone 'til you make it a peen,
Deleteand then it's a d*ck on the road to be seen.