Val Goes Psycho As the Casino Stabs Her in the Back

You know that Val has a soft spot in her heart (and head) for casinos. They bring her joy, even as they take her money. Val bears no ill will to casino employees who are just doing their jobs when they confront her for taking pictures of her own winning slot machine screen for which she has paid dearly to obtain. Nobody at our new favorite casino has ever told Val that she could not take a picture. So she takes them all willy-nilly, to brag on a jackpot, or simply show a bonus that is hard to get, or maybe simply colorful.

Such was the case last Wednesday, when my first slot, Wonder 4 Tall Fortunes, gave me the "tower bonus," as I call it. The bonus that every player strives for. I did not win much, considering it was on the big bonus. But I like to get the tower.

Ain't it purty? Here is the next-to-last game of my bonus. As you can see, the top game has given me the tower symbol to make my last spin the whole six games. You'd think I might get a big win.

You'd think wrong. That last spin, the 13th of 13 spins in the bonus, was pitiful. My entire jackpot was $46.95. I wasn't really disappointed. I'd achieved the bonus for the first time in months. I couldn't even share it with The Pony, because he'd gone to the back wall of the casino to see if our favorite slots were available. The Wonder 4 Spinning Fortune where I'd won my $8,600 bonus in July.

The Pony appeared at my left shoulder and his report on the availability of our machine made my blood turn to ice water!

 

"They took it out. The whole area is covered with a black tarp. I guess they're putting in new games. The stools are moved."

 

MY JACKPOT HONEY-HOLE HAD DRIED UP! More accurately, had been drained and paved over for progress! I DREAM about playing that slot for the whole 90-minute drive. Sometimes I dream about it the night before our casino trip. And now it was GONE! I wandered aimlessly, playing some old favorites, without much luck.

 

About a half hour before our lunch break, The Pony sent me a text that the new slots had been opened up. He was playing, in the seat where I'd won my big jackpot. 

 

"Dragon Tower Jackpot. An 88 cent bet one. I'm not sure how to feel about it."

 

I went back there. It was set up like our old favorite. Four slots, four stools, and a big screen up top that linked them together. The Pony was on the right end, Stool #4. So I went to the left end, Stool #1. A lady was playing on the other side of my plexiglas divider, on Stool #2.

 

I put in a $15 ticket, and started to play on an 88 cent bet. That machine ate my ticket. Didn't pay me back anything! I fed it a twenty. After playing almost all of it, I hit a bonus. I don't know how. A dragon-snake thing came slithering across my screen, which told me to LOOK UP, and Press Play to start the bonus. When it was done, it had paid me $36. Not great, but it was my money back! I decided to cash out. 

 

That's how I make sure I have some money to take back home. I keep a ticket that I add to. Small wins, but they accumulate. I fed that ticket into the Dragon slot, saw my that bonus got added to my ticket amount. I played a couple of spins, to bring my total down to an amount ending in 0, and hit CASH OUT.

 

That's the little button that says CASH OUT. It popped up the usual rectangular box saying ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO CASH OUT. I tapped the box that said YES. Nothing happened. That question stayed on my playing area. I hit YES again. Nothing. I tried hitting NO. Nothing. Wait a minute! After a delay, that questioning box went away. I could have hit the bets to play more. But I only wanted to cash out my ticket.

 

I tried CASH OUT again. Same results. Same strategy. When I finally got that question box to go away, I hit the CALL ATTENDANT button. Because otherwise, I have to either play all my money in that machine, or walk away and leave my money in it! I waited. Waited. Looked around, all antsy. You KNOW they're watching on camera. The eye in the sky should have noticed my angst, even if the CALL ATTENDANT button wasn't working. That's what those security people are paid to do, you know. Watch people for odd behavior which could mean cheating, or trouble brewing.

THERE! A dude wearing a casino shirt and badge. He acted like he was going to walk by right behind me. There I was, with my CALL ATTENDANT button pushed. I waved him over. I pointed at the touch-screen part of the slot. He could see it had the CASH OUT screen on there, with the question ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO CASH OUT. I'd been trying it again while I waited for help. I motioned to it, and shrugged.

 

THAT DANG ATTENDANT SHRUGGED RIGHT BACK AT ME! Like he was MOCKING ME! That did not go over well with Val Thevictorian! He could have said, "Did you call an attendant?" Or "Can I help you?" Or "Is there a problem?" But no. He MOCKED ME!

 

"I'm trying to cash out, and it won't do anything. It's like the screen is locked up. I've tried it four times."

 

"Well, you'll have to MOVE!" 

What an a$$hole! Of course I knew I'd have to move. IF he was going to help me. Of which I'd seen no indication. For all I knew, he might have said he needed to call a technician. Which has happened to me in other casinos, resulting in them "lifting the hood" and check for paper, or any of the things that make the BEEP BEEP noise on an open slot machine. 

 

Attendant Dude didn't have to be so a$$holey about it. I got up. And do you know what he did? He started tapping on the button for YES! Like he couldn't have reached his arm there from beside me to do it! I was on the END, for cryin' out loud. I'm pretty sure his arms were not too short to touch the YES button from standing beside my slot. But I hope his arms ARE too short to box with God. Because he deserves a beat-down!

To further enrage me, that slot machine started printing my ticket!

"How did you DO that? It wouldn't work for me."

"Well, sometimes when your fingers are wet [AS IF I HAVE A SWEATING DISORDER, OR LICK MY FINGERS IN THE COVID CASINO!] the machine won't recognize them. So you have to use two fingers."

He was getting a$$holeyer by the moment. What he was REALLY saying was that they didn't have that touch screen part calibrated right on this new machine! Am I right? Me, the technology simpleton? THAT'S why TWO fingers could make it work. They could touch off to the side, where the sensing part was out of place! Yeah? Maybe? Am I onto something? 

 

I asked Genius in his weekly letter, but he hasn't gotten it yet. Because if the problem was just that electronical thingies don't recognize that I'm alive, then it should have worked for him the first time, and he wouldn't have needed to tap it multiple times, then use TWO fingers! If that's not plausible, I don't want Genius to let me know. Because right now, I feel vindicated. Like that Attendant Dude knew they had messed up with this new slot machine, but was just gaslighting me about it being MY OWN FINGERS' FAULT!

Sheesh! I don't know what was wrong with that Attendant Dude. Most people would be happy to still be working during these times. Especially in a non-essential casino! Maybe that was his problem. He didn't WANT to be working. Everyone else in that casino is polite. Especially the food workers who give Hick that extra-fat slice of pie. 

I don't begrudge the casino the part of my bankroll it kept this time. I DO feel stabbed in the back by the removal of my jackpot-giver, and the less-than-polite treatment by this Attendant Dude. Somebody needs to tell him that in a casino, the loser is always right.