Why, in the name of
Hick is away on a mission to pick up The Pony in central Missouri. This is not an area foreign to him. He has had dealings there in the past, with Genius also being dropped off and picked up from Boys State. For cryin' out loud, Hick WAS JUST THERE last weekend. Is it too much to expect him to be able to get from the Boys State venue to the university where The Pony had an alumni day with HIS PEOPLE? After all, Hick also took The Pony there last summer, and picked him up again three weeks later. It's not like he's navigating the ice road where signs may be obscured, and human settlements few and far between.
This is a distance of one hour and thirty minutes, as told by Hick. My BFF Google concurs. The journey turned out to be a poorly-worked word problem from a mathematically-challenged student. If Hick and The Pony left BS Town at 11:00, what time should they reach Alumni Town? One would calculate that to be 12:30. Or perhaps 1:30 if a stop was made for lunch. But one would be wrong. As wrong as mistaking the Celsius temperature scale for Fahrenheit while trying to travel the ice road in springtime. "Oh, we'll be fine. the high is only going to be *25 degrees today. We won't fall through the ice."
The Pony needed to be at the alumni registration to meet with HIS PEOPLE between 2:00 and 3:00. Still plenty of time to stop for lunch. But not plenty of time to take the wrong exit and notice a highway sign that you should not be seeing, because it means that you have driven 20 miles in the wrong direction! Note to self: If Hick and The Pony are ever contestants on The Amazing Race, do not bet on their team to win.
According to Hick, he turned around and told The Pony that he needed to figure out where they were. You know. The Pony. Who doesn't even have a driver's license. So does not pay particular attention to road signs, or maps. As one might expect from a youngster who's been away from home for a week, his routine of laying on the basement couch playing video games thrown out the window, looking forward to a visit with HIS PEOPLE that he met one year ago and has only been in contact with by text...The Pony was quite upset. In fact, once Hick entered the campus, and was telling The Pony what street to look for, The Pony was heard to say, "Stop and let me out here! I know where I'm going." Said it with such emotion that Hick pulled over and dropped him off. At 2:50 p.m.
Something tells me that the minute Hick was out of sight, The Pony took off like American Pharoah out of the starting gate at the Belmont Stakes. He did, indeed, reach the proper building in time for alumni registration.
"I can't believe you! You said you'd have plenty of time. You know how important this is for him!"
"I just took a wrong exit, Val. And by the time I saw that sign and knew I took a wrong exit, I was 20 miles out of my way. All I could do was turn around and try to make it back."
"Don't you have a GPS?"
"Yes. But I didn't punch in the address, because I knew where I was going."
Really? REALLY? Is it not ironic that our oldest son is working for GARMIN this summer, with access to deep discounts on their products, and that Hick already has a GPS in his car...but HE DROVE 20 MILES OUT OF HIS WAY ON A MAJOR HIGHWAY?
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*Let the record show that when my old science teacher referred to room temperature in Celsius, he meant 25 degrees. Which is 77 degrees Fahrenheit.
Mine once programmed his Garmin to go to the Goodwill store in our neighborhood, and the little gal inside the box kept hearing his request wrong. I laughed till I cried at his frustration. Ask directions, not of a real person, has to be a genius programmer's voice guiding him.
ReplyDeleteAt least he didn't program it to go to The Good Feet Store and spend $1000 on shoe inserts. Shame on you for laughing at him. You KNOW he would never laugh at YOU.
DeleteI would like to address this myth of men and their direction issues, but in this case...I've got nothing.
ReplyDeleteOn the contrary. It seems like you are headed in the right direction, not knowing where to go.
DeleteI am a pathfinder. Such that I never, never, never need to ask any one else for directions. Least of all SWMBO, who would immediately tell me where to go.
ReplyDeleteThere is no shortage of women willing to tell men where to go. See? That's why you guys should stop for directions. Odds are 50% that you WILL be given directions.
DeleteI love my GPS (it is a TomTom, sorry!). It is the best invention ever. My husband of course, hates it. *sigh*
ReplyDeleteThey want the gadget (because it's a gadget) but not the advice it dispenses.
DeleteI won't say anything because I have a terrible sense of direction. If I'd been Lewis and Clark's guide they'd still be looking for those guys.
ReplyDeleteOh, c'mon! Like two men are worth such a lengthy search. They're like fish in the sea, like city buses, like suckers being born...there's plenty more of them, they come along every 15 minutes, and there's another one born every minute!
DeleteOkay, but 20 miles out of the way (40 miles round-trip) made them almost an hour and a half later (assuming they stopped for an hour for lunch)?
ReplyDeleteI think Hick stumbled and fumbled more than 20 miles' worth...
You forget, Madam, that Hick is a master sweaver. So he actually covered twice the distance each way, thus making it 80 minutes, by going from sideline to sideline.
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