Today was the big day. The day I picked up my mom and took her to get her hands on the Big Daddy she had been craving all week. Okay. I let her ride along while I stopped by my bank and credit union. But in her mind, the sole purpose of this trip was the Big Daddy.
Mom could hardly concentrate on my clever repartee, so focused was she on getting her meathooks on a Big Daddy so she could cram it in her piehole. I'm sure it was not an issue of my repartee being less than clever. Mom was just pursuing that Big Daddy like a heat-seeking missile after a feverish fellow in an equatorial country with a bad sunburn who had just slathered on some BenGay after winning a ghost pepper eating contest.
My financial business completed, Mom began informing me of her order. "I want two sandwiches. A Big Daddy and the chicken one."
"So you don't want a combo? I know how you liked those fries. You don't want fries and a Diet Coke?"
"Oh, I want a Diet Coke."
"Mom. If you get the combo, it's like the same price as a sandwich and soda, but you get the fries, too."
"But the fries always fill me up. Then I won't want the Big Daddy."
"You don't have to eat them today. You always warm them up in your toaster oven."
"Okay. Get me the combo. Wait. Just get me the chicken Big Daddy combo. I really want to try that chicken. It looks so good on the commercial. And then if you get the Big Daddy, I can see what's on the burger."
"Uh. If I get the Big Daddy, I don't plan on eating it in the car. It's not getting unwrapped until I get it home."
"Well, that's all right. You can tell me what's on it."
"Are you sure? Because what if you get snowed in? Then you'll have a spare Big Daddy. You can get a combo, and then another sandwich to save. Who knows when we'll be back over here. It might not be until the end of next month."
"All right. I'll get a combo and a Big Daddy."
By this time we were inching toward the Rally's drive thru.
"I don't see the Big Daddy on the menu, Mom."
"Well, it's on the commercials."
"Do you have a Big Daddy combo?"
"No. We don't have the Big Daddy any more." Mom's face fell. I might have heard a whimper.
"Oh. Well. This will take just a minute. Mom, what do you want?"
"Well...I don't know. Just get me fries. And a Diet Coke."
"Mom. They have a Giant Chicken Sandwich. Do you want that?" Mom was not having it. She was as petulant as a child. Or Val. This apple didn't fall far. "Or they have just a chicken sandwich."
"I wanted the Big Daddy chicken. Just get me a hamburger."
"Mom. They don't have just a hamburger. You have to pick one of these on the menu."
"Oh...I don't know. Just...just...what about the number nine? Oh. It's chicken nuggets. You say they have a chicken sandwich? Get me that."
I ordered Mom a giant chicken sandwich combo, and the number one burger combo for me. We pulled around and waited. And waited. I was starting to think the name "Rally's" was kind of ironic. But since I don't really understand what ironic means, I stopped short of that thought. The girl gave us our Diet Cokes. Then we waited some more.
"I have never waited this long at a Rally's. I guess we took so long to order that they grew old and decrepit. They must be waiting on that chicken to hatch. Hey! We've been here so long...maybe the Big Daddy is back for a new limited time offer!"
"Oh, don't get me tickled!"
"I'm sorry they didn't have your Big Daddy, Mom. The one thing you've been thinking about all week. This trip is as ill-fated as the voyage of the Minnow."
"You know...we could have just gone over to Arby's and sat down and had a Reuben."
Exactly.
You can't always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get an afternoon with your precious THREE-DOLLAR DAUGHTER.
I've never heard of Rally's. Their food must be very good.
ReplyDeleteI don't think we have a Rally's in these here parts. We do have dirty water whiskey.
ReplyDeleteI heard the sound of angels as I read that last paragraph. Angelic voices along with a big-lipped skinny guy.
ReplyDeleteMy condolences to your mother. A good man (or sandwich) is hard to find...
I tell my students who turn their noses up at snack: Take a no-thank-you bite, you'll thank me! Poor mom wanted that Big Daddy so badly. Bring her home an Arby's; looks like the snow/ice storm is heading our way.
ReplyDeleteWhat a consolation prize! I don't understand why she didn't think of that...maybe even up you to three dollar plus a cut of those unwanted fries.
ReplyDeleteBless her heart! Had her taste buds at the ready and had had her prize snatched away!
ReplyDeleteStephen,
ReplyDeleteOh, yes. It's a five-star restaurant with classically trained chefs, serving health foods through two drive-thru lanes. You really don't know what you're missing. I guess Oregon is Rallyless.
*****
joeh,
If you can stop praising your state beverage for a moment and concentrate...I think you'll find that on the east coast, Rally's is actually Checkers. Perhaps you have one or two, though you likely don't frequent it because they don't serve that state beverage in a cardboard cup with a plastic straw.
*****
Sioux,
Better to hear that than hear me howling at my mom in the driving rain, due to her audacity to birth me in a crossfire hurricane. But it's all right now. Mom was satisfied by her giant chicken. The next best thing to a Big Daddy.
*****
Linda,
I'll have to get Mom out of the house Saturday afternoon for provisions. She might be there a while. And we all know that I'm not allowed in her driveway after a snow.
*****
Leenie,
I have a confession to make. The three dollars was what she gave me the LAST time I stopped by her house, without The Pony. Yesterday, she gave me NOTHING. But I refuse to be the Nothing Daughter. And I kind of pulled a fast one, because she handed me a $20 bill to pay, and I gave her the change, and did not reimburse her for my combo. So I'm technically the Big Buford Daughter.
*****
Kathy,
That's as bad as backing the car out of the garage, and being unable to leave the driveway.